Dreaming Pink Opposites Due Winter 2013/14

[Shakti]

Can I join you guys as well? I found out a week and a half ago that we're having a boy. I thought about swaying, but as this was our first child, I decided it would be better to establish that we're fertile before trying swaying. We conceived in 1 cycle, so obviously fertility is no problem. Now, I'm really kicking myself. A girl means everything to me, and I had no idea I thought it would be this hard not having one. And I know that this is only our first child, but my husband wants 2, I said 3, but to be honest my main motivation for going for 3 is so that we'd increase our chances of ever having a girl, I could easily be happy with 2 if our 2nd is a girl. We're both in our 30s, so going over 3 really isn't doable. And now the idea of never having a girl is really slapping me in the face.

I also wonder why the universe would punish me like this. My father molested me, my brother was also an ass, I was used a lot by men in my 20s, and raped by a few more.

My husband was the first man I've ever been able to trust, we've been together for 2 years and have a beautiful relationship, I feel closer to him than I've felt with anyone in my life, friend or lover.

Still though, that's one man out of a few billion, and raising a boy is just too triggering for me the more I think about it. I know I'll probably hear "get professional help" a lot, so before anyone says that, first off, I have been to more therapists in my life than I have fingers and toes to count them on. I now practice meditation, which is helping the wounds to heal, but it still takes time. Quick fixes don't exist. And second, I moved to Holland 2 years ago to be with my husband and am still learning Dutch, so my options for therapists who can follow my English while I'm talking about some very sensitive issues are extremely limited. That, and it takes money to raise a child, so we don't have money to waste on therapists who may or may not work.

I keep hearing that boys become what you raise them to be, blah blah blah, but there's so much peer pressure out there to be a real man, be a player be a winner, etc.

Not just that, but the main reason I wanted a daughter wasn't for superficial things like pretty dresses, but rather so that I could take the life experiences I had and send a woman into the world confident and happy. That's only fair after the drama I've endured for over 30 years, and being shunned by my family because I told the truth about my father.

Now, I feel like I don't deserve to be a mother. I haven't been able to stop crying for the last week and a half. And I really hope I don't end up living in a boy's club a few years from now when we're done having children.

[oxox2013]

Wow Mindy, I really needed to read that so thank you! I am trying to get along... and thanks everyone else for the warm welcomes! I am still new here so hopefully I wont drag you guys down with my sadness. I really believed we had a girl on board. Anyway I am sorry to see that there have been so many new members added just since I posted yesterday! So crazy that there are so many people in the world feeling just as down about having a certain gender. It has already been so helpful to be able to talk about my guilt and sadness over my feelings and hopefully I will come around sooner rather than later. Funny thing is this baby has become so much more active since we learned he was a boy. Maybe his way of telling me "Hey I am here and I am not going anywhere!" Little stinker is trying to work his magic on me already.

[Mathilde]

Guys it looks like I am joining you too. I swayed for a boy and am having another girl. This will be my third girl. I am beyond devastated, I even started researching termination ( ungrateful I know) I am sure I will feel better about it tomorrow but right now I feel overwhelming mourning for my son who is not meant to be. I was so sure I had an amazing sway. I feel a little bit of joy of the pregnancy has gone. I,hope I haven't brought the thread down. Tomorrow is another day. I was thinking that I should go shopping tomorrow for something for the new baby which might help me get excited and promote acceptance. But right now I just want to cry.

In an alternative world we could swap, on a less extreme note, had we lived closer we could go shopping for each other I think I would be the worlds best little girl dresser have spent too many years looking at other people's girls clothes and hair imagining what I would dress her in if she was mine, LOL. I'm tragic aren't I? I hope for all of us it gets easier, must be strange here on this forum where the majority of us are girl-hungry, when you yourself are boy-hungry, a little like being a plant eater among a large pack of hungry lionesses

[mindyjean]

Charlee, I remember you TTC same time as me! No need to be envious since it turned out to be a failed sway anyways, huh?

Shakti, I am sorry for all of your rotten experiences with men. Maybe look at this as a way of raising a sweet, confident and trustworth little man, nothing like the others you've had in your life. I hope your DH will help you with that, too. I will be honest and say I get along with women better than men in general, and I think of that when I think of a life with no daughter. Will my boys ever talk to me when they're adult? Will they call me? Will their wives like me or turn them against me? It's all of those "what ifs."

Does anyone else feel really silly for swaying? I truly feel like I got my hopes up when swaying for this baby, and we were both so sure it would work. I mean it just made sense that since I was so healthy when I conceived my first 2 boys and then when I did everything completely different this time around, we were just like, heck yeah this is going to work. We both just felt gutted when it didn't. I almost wish I wouldn't have swayed at all because maybe the girlie sperm would have made it first, anyways.

I also think of all the women throughout all of history that have felt this way but didn't have any support. I am grateful for all of you being honest and sharing your thoughts so I don't feel so alone and crazy and silly.

[zebaniee]

Dream, thank you for your kind words. I always said I didn't want more than 2 children so 3 was already a stretch for me. I guess I'll see how I feel after the birth of this one

Mathilde, I know what you mean about swapping! I have a friend who has just had her third boy and has said the same thing I guess the shopping thing is hard for me too because I am not really a girly girl and like practical things but now I am surrounded by glitter, tampons and pms (well in a couple of years) so I am very envious of the ladies with sons!

I guess what threw me the most is that I thought I had convinced myself that I was ok with either gender but after this scan I realised I wasn't.

My girls have an amazing relationship with their father and I always wanted that type of relationship with my son. My daughters just expect me to feed them basically, little brats ha ha.

Well I still feel sad this morning. I have already had two crys and been waking up most of the night thinking about it. I think I am starting to come to terms with it though as I want to move all the kids into one room and I want it painted...immediately. Frigging pregnancy hormones. I sound like a crazy person!

[Shakti]

Thanks. :-) Yeah, honesty is often the best way to go in these things. I find that suppressing the feelings or denying them makes them come out so much worse.

I'm still trying to make sense of why we got a boy. The "what-ifs" drive me insane. I don't think that you can make any child be anything, and my husband is in the minority of good men and might not be our son's most important male role model. I've seen so much more of the dark side of men than the good side to the point where raising one is overwhelming.

That, and as we probably only have one more shot at a child, there's a 50% chance that my dream of having a daughter, who I could give the power I never had, is dead. I don't know what's driving me more insane, that or the what-ifs.

I haven't swayed yet but we do plan on swaying for our 2nd. I'm already scared of if it doesn't work. :-(

Charlee, I remember you TTC same time as me! No need to be envious since it turned out to be a failed sway anyways, huh?

Shakti, I am sorry for all of your rotten experiences with men. Maybe look at this as a way of raising a sweet, confident and trustworth little man, nothing like the others you've had in your life. I hope your DH will help you with that, too. I will be honest and say I get along with women better than men in general, and I think of that when I think of a life with no daughter. Will my boys ever talk to me when they're adult? Will they call me? Will their wives like me or turn them against me? It's all of those "what ifs."

Does anyone else feel really silly for swaying? I truly feel like I got my hopes up when swaying for this baby, and we were both so sure it would work. I mean it just made sense that since I was so healthy when I conceived my first 2 boys and then when I did everything completely different this time around, we were just like, heck yeah this is going to work. We both just felt gutted when it didn't. I almost wish I wouldn't have swayed at all because maybe the girlie sperm would have made it first, anyways.

I also think of all the women throughout all of history that have felt this way but didn't have any support. I am grateful for all of you being honest and sharing your thoughts so I don't feel so alone and crazy and silly.

[zebaniee]

Mindy, I think you have hit my issue on the head. I worked so hard at my sway, eating and drinking so many weird and wonderful things, put on weight because of the juice...but for what? I was so sure the sway has worked, there was no way I would get the opposite gender. I think that is what hurts the most and possibly one of the reasons I feel so bad.

[2lovelyboys]

This swaying and gender roller coaster is crazy! It unleashes some horrible emotions and thoughts that you didn't think possible!

I keep saying I'm alright with DS3 and i am coming to terms with it but then I spend hours (honestly hours!) searching for potty shots that look like mine, I also find myself dreaming about friends that have just been told girl etc I suppose it's just the start of the road to overcoming GD!

I'm wondering if my sway kinda worked, I know i am pregnant with an opposite but I feel different to when I did with my boys, certainly calmer and a few other things so I'm wondering if my sway started to lower levels but just not enough! Hmmmmmm

[Mathilde]

2lovely: I'm right there with you on all you wrote
Afm, went shopping and was in a stinking mood, mentally really rotten, bought a yellow and white striped body and a beautiful jump suit(which I believe was for girls..) but it was white so I bought it anyway DH trying his best to be really supportive, but I was being a right bit*.. Pushing him away and disagreeing on most things.. Everyone had beautiful daughters and I felt like shi*..
I don't want to ruin my marriage and life but this is so getting to me...

[2lovelyboys]

Mathilde it really can be torture! I think we can be our own worst enemies, no one can make us feel bad, i think we feel bad if we let them get to us! I know I'm terrible for this that's why no one know gender of this little one yet, wanna get my own head round things first b4 comments arise and I get hurt (again)! Saw your little outfits on the other thread, love them so sweet!

I know I have needlessly been torturing myself, spent hours scouring the net for 16 week potty shots like mine and as you would expect none do! I also started to question the techs judgement, there are a lot of lines on my potty shot and if the nub/willy wasn't so long I may be inclined to have hope of another outcome, why do we do it to ourselves???!!