Please help me decide

[maybeoneday]

I didn't find out with either of my boys. DS1 I was convinced he was a boy when I was pregnant so no big surprise! DS2 I was convinced he was a girl so big shock when a winky came out! I was not disappointed at birth but it did take me a while to adjust to him not being a girl and I found it very hard when all my friends seemed to get their desired gender and in most cases their pigeon pair!

This time I am finding out (on Thursday as you all know!) I need to have got my head around it this time as having a surprise when it is not the gender you expected was really hard.

However, it is a totally personal decision and only you know how you will react on the day.

Good luck for tomorrowxx

[Justjessica]

has anyone not found out and actually been sad at the birth?? i know i hear a lot of people say that here but i can't picture that happening you will see your child and just be sooo in love. good luck either way

I wouldn't be sad at having a boy. I really like boys. I would just be sad about never getting to experience what it's like to have a girl. Which is really difficult to admit to as one of my closest friends in RL hasn't been able to conceive in over 10 years, so I realise I am very lucky to have my children at all and so I feel like a bad person if I even get a twinge of sadness if they say boy. So that's why I'm thinking maybe if I waited like you say when you see him hopefully all I would feel is happy but I don't trust myself!

[5boysandcounting]

For me I had to find out. I am extremely impatient anyway so waiting was driving me mad. Also I know for me that it would be best to get any disappointment I may feel out the way before the baby was born. I did not want anything to spoil my babies arrival and I knew I would have to work through those feelings before the birth.

I have found out the gender with all of my children and although with my boys I was disappointed I wasn't having a girl at first it really helped to give me time to get used to the idea, choose a name and bond with my boys. When my boys were born I felt like I already knew them and all I felt was joy.

It is a very personal decision though and everyone reacts differently, Good luck with your scan whatever you decide and I will be thinking of you tomorrow xx

[Mommyof3boys]

has anyone not found out and actually been sad at the birth?? i know i hear a lot of people say that here but i can't picture that happening you will see your child and just be sooo in love. good luck either way

I didn't find out with any of mine. With ds1 and ds2 it really didn't matter because I knew we would have 3, but when ds3 was born and the dr said "it's a boy". I immediately said "oh nooooo!" and DH said "I'm so sorry". He knew I really wanted a girl and felt bad but he was thrilled. I didn't want to hold ds3 for about an hour but after that I was fine and really it hasn't bothered me much since then. I did have some ppd but I don't think it was related to him being a boy.

[Mommyof3boys]

I have my gender scan tomorrow and I've no idea whether I should find out or not. This is my last baby for medical reasons so I really want to enjoy this pregnancy the best I can. I would desperately like to know but I'm worried how I will react. I don't want to be unhappy for 20 weeks but equally I don't want it all to hit me at the birth when I'm tired and hormonal. I've always been fine before when I found out. DS2 was a failed shettles baby conceived the month after a miscarriage. DS3 was a calcium/mag sway (I'd started taking supps in preparation for a sway in the future) and I was breast feeding and getting next to no sleep and i missed a couple of pills that month. So I kind of feel like given my history I'm not holding out tons of hope that anything I do sways at all! But I feel a massive sense of pressure this time knowing it's the last baby that if I hear blue I might not hold it together like in the past.

It is also DH's birthday this week and I don't want to bring him down or spoil his day, so toying with idea of getting them to write it down and looking closer to the birth but I have no idea what is best to do. Sorry for long rant. I thought I would have decided before now. Please help!!!

This is exactly how I feel. I am going next week and I don't want to be upset for the remainder either. I also thought about having them write it down and giving it to a trusted friend until a couple of weeks prior to the birth, but I don't know if I even have the willpower to hold on to it long enough to get it to anyone without looking at it. I know that I don't want to know right now for sure but I think it might help a little to know before the birth.

[yearningyoyo]

If this is definitely your last child and it does turn out to be another boy then you will need time to grieve for the daughter you imagined but who will never be. That grieving process is usually most intense for the few weeks after you learn that she's never coming (and ofcourse it will pop up again at other times of your life). That grief has nothing to do with the love or bond with your new child and I think its really important to be clear on that in your own head. So, no matter how much you love or bond with the new baby you will still need to grieve for the daughter you "lost" (assuming here its a boy). Only you can decide when the best time is for you to (potentially) have to have those first few weeks of intense grieving. Personally, I didnt want it to be during those first few weeks with my newborn baby. I got alot of my grieving done after my 20 week scan. By the time my baby came I was in a good place in terms of welcoming him to our world and just focusing on loving him. I am really pleased that I made that decision, I did not think about my GD again until quite a long time after his birth and I am really grateful for that. Goodluck with firstly your prayers for pink and secondly working out your best grieving time (although I will pray for you that it will be celebrations instead!)

[Mum23boys]

Good luck today chick - have you made a decision ? I just wrote a similar post - im too scared to find out but part of me really wants to know ..... Ive convinced myself its a boy already though so at birth i dont risk dissapointment and ive never felt anything other than a rush of love at brth so cant imagine being upset then but i know i might grieve a week or so after when it really hits me but hey finding out or not isnt going to change things - it is what it is after all. Good luck with your decision.

[inshaallahxx]

Did you sway if you don't mind me asking?

[cvd]

Did you decide to go through with it justjessica??? Eek! Ill be stalking for your update hehe

[Justjessica]

Thanks to everyone for your advice, your stories and kind words. I decided that the most important thing to me today was just to have a happy scan. So I decided not to ask and I really enjoyed the whole thing from start to finish I do have the answer in a sealed envelope so if I feel like I need a week or two to prepare then I have a back up policy and I feel a lot calmer knowing it's there if I need it.