Please help me decide

[Justjessica]

I have my gender scan tomorrow and I've no idea whether I should find out or not. This is my last baby for medical reasons so I really want to enjoy this pregnancy the best I can. I would desperately like to know but I'm worried how I will react. I don't want to be unhappy for 20 weeks but equally I don't want it all to hit me at the birth when I'm tired and hormonal. I've always been fine before when I found out. DS2 was a failed shettles baby conceived the month after a miscarriage. DS3 was a calcium/mag sway (I'd started taking supps in preparation for a sway in the future) and I was breast feeding and getting next to no sleep and i missed a couple of pills that month. So I kind of feel like given my history I'm not holding out tons of hope that anything I do sways at all! But I feel a massive sense of pressure this time knowing it's the last baby that if I hear blue I might not hold it together like in the past.

It is also DH's birthday this week and I don't want to bring him down or spoil his day, so toying with idea of getting them to write it down and looking closer to the birth but I have no idea what is best to do. Sorry for long rant. I thought I would have decided before now. Please help!!!

[NearlyDone]

Personally i always needed to find out i was always too scared of being dissapointed at birth.....but i think its a v personal decision some people feel like it ruins the rest of pregnancy personally i felt it was my 20 weeks to excite myself about having another girl.

[cvd]

I agree with NearlyDone. It's a personal decision and I also had to find out. With DS1 we found out just cause we wanted to know (didn't have a preference, although we were both hoping for a boy) but this time I wanted to know so I wouldn't be sad at birth. I was sure this was a girl, I would have hated to keep thinking that then be surprised with a boy a birth, I wouldn't have taken it very well. But now - as NearlyDone said I got to prepare and excite myself with having a boy and I truly am excited! There's no way I could have waited till birth, to each their own of course! Hope you hear pink tomorrow though!!! We've had a great streak Keep us updated on what you decide to do

[Atsaukina1]

has anyone not found out and actually been sad at the birth?? i know i hear a lot of people say that here but i can't picture that happening you will see your child and just be sooo in love. good luck either way

[Wanting-a-girl]

I was planning to be team green this time but I'm having second thoughts.... I know I wouldn't be sad with this baby being boy #4 but I wonder if I will feel let down at the birth if it's a boy I know if it was a girl surprise I would be over the moon and so happy... You got to do what you feel is right for you... Do you think you will be a little sad at the birth if its a boy?

[jennaesue]

I did not find out with ds1, but I was very much hoping for a girl, and without even realizing it, I had convinced myself he was a girl. I had horrible postpartum depression. I cried for weeks and I didn't really bond with him until he was probably about 3 months old. Now, that wasn't all due to him being a boy, I had an induction, it was a very difficult labor and birth, I tore very badly and ended up fainting afterwards. And then he had trouble latching on, and I felt so guilty beside I gave up trying to breastfeed. But I just had this weird sense that I had come home with someone else's baby, because this was a boy, and I was supposed to have a girl! With both ds2 and ds3, I found out, and it was so much better to know beforehand. I had time to process it and get used to the idea, and like CVD said, even get excited about a new little boy. I just had a little bit of "baby blues," and it got better each time. I have a very hard time adjusting from being pregnant to having a newborn. I love being pregnant, and I kind of go through a period of grieving over not being pregnant anymore (I know it's ridiculous, but that's just me!) so I know I am already an emotional ball of hormones after giving birth, it's not the best time for me to find out the baby's gender.

[NearlyDone]

I had ppd with dd2 (not gender related) i think thats why the thought of not knowing always scared me after that.......when emotions can be unstable anyway id hate to be suddenly having to deal with disappointment+all the normal after birth stuff...........good luck for tomorrow if you do decide to find out xx

[Wanting-a-girl]

thats so true!! there are always at least a few days after birth that im feeling really down.. ive never had ppd but i can imagine the surprise maybe playing into that possibly...

[Mrs_P]

has anyone not found out and actually been sad at the birth?? i know i hear a lot of people say that here but i can't picture that happening you will see your child and just be sooo in love. good luck either way

I know a couple that have, it didn't last for long (one of the moms on here was the worst but was ok after a couple of days). My friend shed a few tears at birth as she didn't get her girl and i know one mom disappointed not get her boy but the disappointment was only a secondary feeling.

Its not something i ever wanted to risk in my opinion and it can happen when emotions are running high and are all over the place, all i ever wanted to greet my baby with was sheer excitment. good luck whatever you choose x

[Justjessica]

I did not find out with ds1, but I was very much hoping for a girl, and without even realizing it, I had convinced myself he was a girl. I had horrible postpartum depression. I cried for weeks and I didn't really bond with him until he was probably about 3 months old. Now, that wasn't all due to him being a boy, I had an induction, it was a very difficult labor and birth, I tore very badly and ended up fainting afterwards. And then he had trouble latching on, and I felt so guilty beside I gave up trying to breastfeed. But I just had this weird sense that I had come home with someone else's baby, because this was a boy, and I was supposed to have a girl! With both ds2 and ds3, I found out, and it was so much better to know beforehand. I had time to process it and get used to the idea, and like CVD said, even get excited about a new little boy. I just had a little bit of "baby blues," and it got better each time. I have a very hard time adjusting from being pregnant to having a newborn. I love being pregnant, and I kind of go through a period of grieving over not being pregnant anymore (I know it's ridiculous, but that's just me!) so I know I am already an emotional ball of hormones after giving birth, it's not the best time for me to find out the baby's gender.

That sounds really tough for you. Thanks for sharing your story.