Is it worth it?

[cravingsalt]

Thanks, LoLaInLove! Thank you for the pink dust, I'm soaking it all in.

It's so silly, people don't mean it (mostly) but then again some do. Like if you don't get the pigeon pair you are in some way inferior. Or there's the whole other subject, where i live anyway, of people thinking anymore than 1 or 2 kids is just excessive and you are environmentally unconscious and fiscally irresponsbile "breeders"!

I was banking a bunch of witty comebacks for when I do get pregnant but my husband convinced me that it wasn't worth my time, that some people just open mouth/insert foot/kick themselves for the rest of the day for whatever they said. I know I've beat myself up of saying something that just popped out. But for the times I can't muster any more politeness, the one I really like (in case of a particularly intentional/obnoxious/insulting-to-my-other-children comment) is to just look them straight in the eye, blink a couple of times, and say "I can't believe you just said that out loud." Then change the subject. Maybe just make them think twice next time when it's somebody else in our shoes. I'm already geared up to lie through my teeth and tell everyone who asks that I'm actually leaning towards wanting another boy to take the sting out if it is one.

[BoyDreaming]

When we went for DD3, I was just finishing college as was DH. He was getting out of the military at the end of the year. It was worrisome, but I'm so glad we had her. DD4 was a surprise. It was a financial stretch at first, but it's slowly working itself out. We are even considering adding #5 in a couple of years. Time will tell!

You can have ALL of my pink dust!

[auroara78]

Oh the flip side, cravingsalt, I was expecting to when/if I did hear the good news "it's a girl" that everyone would be so happy and astounded by my success!! My mom was very happy and (still is) but now that it's been known for a few weeks, it's old news, and I didn't realize until the fanfare died down, how much I was looking for reassurance and celebration from others to make me happy.

People at work (students and co workers) both were happy I "got the girl" but it was a quick "yay" and now that it's all died down, I really do feel silly for worrying so much about what everyone would think, which was my biggest obstacle to boy 3, wasn't really having a boy, but I worried so much that ppl would jsut see as "another boy" and not special, and I want each of my children to be celebrated and beloved.

Of course I am still thrilled to be having a daughter for my own family, and I can't wait for the boys to meet her! Just keep in mind that while ppl do have a ton of really dumb/hurtful comments, they are not living with you at the end of the day....and everytime someone asks me what im having now, and i say girl, they just nod, like that's what they expected!

[LolaInLove]

I like that comeback, Cravingsalt! Mine usually are something less rude too. I got so many "trying for that boy? hope it's a boy? etc" when I was pregnant for a brief time last year and I got to the point where I would look quizzically at them and say, "Why would I do that?" Anyway, great post by Aurora because she is so right, really- and this sounds bad, but you know what I mean- no one really cares that much in the end except your family, and they love you and your offspring no matter what. And hey, give it your best shot and read up on this site and go for it!

[cravingsalt]

Hmm. I never really thought about it that way. I guess, most people will have that moment of “yay” for you, maybe buy a dress or two if you have a baby shower but really and truly, they don’t care all that much, so why do we (I) let it affect us (me) so much? But I’d be with you, auroara78- I’d totally expect the world to stop spinning for a moment and dancing to break out in the streets if I got a girl. That’s what would be happening inside of me.

It’s funny, what began as a vague internal expectation/longing for a daughter, combined with a couple of boy pregnancies and a pretty good dose of accumulated comments over the years, and here I am in crisis. With two beautiful baby boys and a good husband who stands with me through my craziness. When I really truly stop and think about it I know it’s silly. If I was a little less neurotic I would be able to just adjust my expectations. Second prize is what, another beautiful baby with something extra between his legs? But the neuroses always comes back!

[deaks66]

Every comment on this thread is basically my life to a tee! and i bet most of womens on here! I had no idea i could potentially find myself in a crisis to do with gender.... but i guess until you have had a couple of babies of the same gender it is impossible to understand. I love some of the comeback comments on here... i will remember those. Someone grimaced at me recently when i told them i was expecting ds3 and i just replied... everyone seems much more bothered about gender than i am (LIE LIE LIE)! she soon shut up. And although i thought hearing boy again would be my worst nightmare after gd with ds2, i am now 21 weeks in and genuinely soooooo excited to meet him! Plus i also worried about whether we could handle 3... and now look at me, contemplating number 4 next year! I think your head will adjust once you make the decision to go for it (or not of course!). GL!

[cravingsalt]

That’s reassuring! Hubby and I were just talking about it last night and considering only one sway attempt (so I won’t feel like I’ve tortured myself the last six weeks for nada), and if we don’t get pregnant the first month (very likely we won’t) then to table the whole thing for a year. We’ll see if that lasts. I think that line of reasoning actually stemmed from #3, period, not boy or girl. The whole outnumbered thing is making me nervous. I love your comeback by the way. I think I could lie that one myself, and it totally diverts that whole downhill conversation.

Congratulations on your newest prince!

[Lucky-happy-blessed]

I'm another one who can relate to the way you're feeling cravingsalt

The jump from two the three was nerve wracking for me too...but it can't have been that bad as DH and I are currently thinking about ttc no.7

I had three boys, then a girl then two more boys, and the thing I learnt is that you can never please people no matter what you do! After boys no. 2&3 I had all the 'what a shame, bet you wanted a girl' comments. Then when I had my daughter people used to say (in front of my boys) ' oh I see you kept going till you got your girl' which made me feel like my precious boys were just failed attempts. Then when I had my last two boys I had 'why are you having another after you got your girl? Was he an accident' and 'oh your poor daughter with all those brothers, are you going to try for a sister for her'

So now I don't take any notice at all about what other people think! And auroaura is right that even with all the comments, people don't actually care that much what you have, it's a bit of a five minute wonder

For me I knew that I would regret not trying for another more than I would regret having another boy. My gd was actually worse after having my dd, I wanted a girl so badly with my last two sons, but I can honestly say they were just what our family needed. We are going to ttc soon and I'm going to try my best to sway for a girl but I know that whoever ends up joining our family will be just who we needed

I really really hope you get your dd cravingsalt, and I hope that boy or girl your third dc will bring you all nothing but joy xx

[auroara78]

beautifully put, lucky-happy-blessed!

I am a bit worried after I have this baby girl that it will be so great and awesome that it will drive my gender desire for another girl to a higher pitch than before!

[cravingsalt]

I think you’re probably right, lucky-happy-blessed. I know that in the end any child will be a blessing. I’ve just got all these mixed feeling with having three and with having a 3rd. On here I see many happy, thriving moms with big families but in my real life, everybody has 1 or 2 and thinks a family of five is some kind of five or more is some sort of eco-saboteur or just unwise financially (since my hubby was laid off he has been underemployed and we have to work hard to make ends meet- but always do and have never had assistance). So mix that all in a with a good dose of gender comments on top of my own potential GD and it’s just a recipe for fried nerves.

We’ve decided to just go ahead with this month’s sway since I’ve been so hardcore on diet and supplements, and have lost a couple of pounds. We went for it on the fade-in and positive opk (attempts were Saturday and Sunday), with today or maybe tomorrow being o day. I think we’re done with attempts so we don’t try right on top of o. I kind of wish I’d just be pregnant and be able to say what’s done is done!