I'm bawling my eyes out right now. :(

[1pinkwish]

And I hate myself for it!

My 2nd friend in a week has had her gender u/s, and of course, has found out she was having the much wanted girl. I'm happy for both of them, they are both really sweet people. But, with every "girl" I hear about coming, it just feels more and more unlikely that I will actually get one too.

And stupid gender u/s updates always make me depressed anyway. I remember all too well the excitement and elation I had with my last baby when I was told "it's a girl", and then the devastation and humiliation that came when I found out it really wasn't. It still hurts to remember the feelings I had walking around those two months feeling like all my dreams had come true, and basically I was just an idiot believing something that wasn't real (even though I had no way of knowing that it wasn't). I just hate the memories. I wish I could feel the way I did during that time again. It was good while it lasted, but the feelings that came after were very, very tough!

I just need a little extra support today to just keep pushing forward, stay focused on what's important, and remember that my hope isn't gone just yet. I just want this to be "it" so bad, and I really wish I didn't care at all.

[Janed]

I'm so sorry. I too remember finding out that a friend was pregnant with twin boys after having a girl first and it felt like a punch in the gut. That is just awful being told the wrong gender. I can't imagine.

Hang in there and maybe some of the other ladies will chime in as we ramp up here!

[Lissa]

Oh, I am so sorry.

It seems silly to care so much about what other people are getting... but when you wish so badly for it to be you it's just ridiculously hard. I hate when friends are having gender ultrasounds too -- I really do want my friends to get what they want, so I hate to hear that they haven't gotten their dream -- but it can't help but make you feel sad that you were not as lucky if they do get what they want. Talk about lose-lose.

<3

[xnicolax]

No matter how well you think you are doing, the gender anouncements always come to kick you in the teeth. With 10 years of GD behind me I have been there many times You want to be happy for people but you just cant. Just remember you have every chance that your having a girl too. I know what you mean about every girl that comes you are less likely to have one, I was in a birth group when I was having No.4 and everyone was finding out what theywere having and they were all boys, I thought that gave me more chance of a girl, lol. Living proof that it doesnt work like that. Good Luck x

[1pinkwish]

I really do want my friends to get what they want, so I hate to hear that they haven't gotten their dream -- but it can't help but make you feel sad that you were not as lucky if they do get what they want. Talk about lose-lose.

<3

EXACTLY!!! I really am happy for these people, even if my immediate reactions don't show it. LOL

It's just so frustrating that I can be doing so well one moment, and then BOOM something like this throws me right back where I started.

[1pinkwish]

No matter how well you think you are doing, the gender anouncements always come to kick you in the teeth. With 10 years of GD behind me I have been there many times You want to be happy for people but you just cant. Just remember you have every chance that your having a girl too. I know what you mean about every girl that comes you are less likely to have one, I was in a birth group when I was having No.4 and everyone was finding out what theywere having and they were all boys, I thought that gave me more chance of a girl, lol. Living proof that it doesnt work like that. Good Luck x

I know exactly what you mean!! LOL On a birth forum I am on now, it seemed like there was never a good answer here. For everyone that posted they were having a girl, it felt like it took away any chance I had of mine being a girl. And then for everyone that posted they were having a boy, I felt like "Oh great, it's a boy month! I'm definitely having a boy!" LOL

You can see I've kind of got my mind made up already. LOL What's weird is I do have moments where I think I have a good chance at having a girl because of various symptoms and such. But, then that one part of my mind reminds me that I'm just not lucky enough for that to happen for me.

Bottom line, I really really really wish that I didn't care at all! I HATE feeling like something very special is missing from my life, and not having a way to make it happen for me. I know there is PGD and/or adoption, but those really aren't options in our life. And I really do want to be done now at 4 since 3 was my original limit. I'm already afraid I've over-estimated my abilities!!

[puppydogstails]

1pinkwish, this isn't really related to your origional post but.. wanted to say that have followed a few of your posts now and i hope and pray with everything that i've got that you have your little girl in there!!! I really really do! sending you lots of luck and pink thoughts ( have no dust to share i'm afraid) and will be checking and waiting for your news! COME ON

[Yuzu]

A www, I know exactly how you feel! One of my neighbors recently found out she is having a girl and I don't want to seem like a bitter old lady but grrrrrrrr! I'll keep you in my prayers!

[skrimpy]

I am so sorry sweetie. I know how you feel - it kills me to see all the "it's a boy" announcements, to see the clear "boy" u/s pics... I even wish that I would be one of those lucky ones who had a wrong ultrasound

I have a friend due any day with a surprise that she really hopes is a boy - she has two DD's so I hope she gets her little man but at the same time it will be so hard if she has a boy and I have a girl come May... so I understand where you are coming from, just the opposite!

Not much advice for you, just letting you know you're not alone

[WantingPink]

I know what you mean about hearing about other peoples ultrasound pics. Ever since I had my DS#2 EVERY SINGLE person I know has had a daughter. I even have joked with a few people when they wonder what the sex of their baby is I tell them "well, you are friends with me so I guarantee that you have having a girl". It isn't that I don't want my friends to have daughters... I just want one too!! Here is to hoping that we both get DD!!