4 girls and husband says he's done. Any hopeful stories out there?

[Violet_]

Oh I'd love to adopt. That would be fantastic. We can't afford it though. I'd love to adopt a little girl but it's not going to happen.

I think your hubby might very well come round. xx

[dreamingpink77]

I hope you manage to convince your husband 4debochki, sometimes they just can't understand the emptiness we feel inside when we so much long for a particular gender. Can I ask you girls something please? Is anyone of you afraid that you'll love your desired gender more than your other children, if you'll ever get her/him somehow? cause I also am thinking of adopting one day and I keep telling myself, what if my children feel unwanted for knowing that I so much wanted a girl that I adopted one? and what if I love her more than my own kids? It wouldn't be nice and fair towards my own children of course.

[Violet_]

No, I have no concerns about loving a daughter more than my sons. Definitely won't happen. I'm so against favortism, I've seen it pull my family, siblings etc apart and do so much damage. Plus I've also seen little girls from a family of boys, get spoilt and turn into total bitches and I wouldn't allow that to happen either. I'm so careful to treat all my children fairly and am always so conscious of it that I wouldn't let it take place at all. But I admit, that I would have to constantly be on my husband's case reminding him not to spoil our daughter, because I know he would. He is such a softy and wants a little princess so bad. He'd be inclined to spoil her for sure. I'd have to remind him all the time to pull himself up.

[4devochki]

I hope you manage to convince your husband 4debochki, sometimes they just can't understand the emptiness we feel inside when we so much long for a particular gender. Can I ask you girls something please? Is anyone of you afraid that you'll love your desired gender more than your other children, if you'll ever get her/him somehow? cause I also am thinking of adopting one day and I keep telling myself, what if my children feel unwanted for knowing that I so much wanted a girl that I adopted one? and what if I love her more than my own kids? It wouldn't be nice and fair towards my own children of course.

Dreamingpink I think this is really smart to think through now beforehand. I talk about this with our girls as they know I'm interested in adoption and it comes up when we are doing various charity projects for orphans. I tell them that in any family, parents want to add more children not because they don't love the children they have, but because they love them so much that they want to add more. And we talk about having a brother, because a change would be a nice addition, and because they love boys they know, not because girls are not good enough, or not enough. It seems to satisfy them. When the younger ones were still four, one did ask me something to the effect of "what if I'm naughty and he's not and you love him more?," at which point i gave her plenty of reassurance that i still love her very much when she's naughty, and that all children are sometimes.

Thinking through the adoption, though, I know the question does not end there. Bringing an adopted child into your family is incredibly demanding, and their adaptation takes an incredible amount of work, and so it may well seem that all my attention is taken up by the new brother, which I know will cause jealousy. But I hope to head off resentment by preparing them for this ahead of time and involving them in the process as much as possible.

You see how I think about this a lot, and treat it like it's really happening , and not a completely remote hypothetical? Sad or crazy, I don't know which.

[4devochki]

Can you believe it? My DH now says maybe in a year if things quiet down...I'm going to keep us on track!

But the hard thing is now he says he would strongly prefer that we go the donor egg IVF route, and doesn't even want to consider adoption. I'm now wondering if I have been so strongly set on this because of the adoption angle...time to readjust and see if my heart is still in it as much.

[gallons of milk]

Dreamingpink I think this is really smart to think through now beforehand. I talk about this with our girls as they know I'm interested in adoption and it comes up when we are doing various charity projects for orphans. I tell them that in any family, parents want to add more children not because they don't love the children they have, but because they love them so much that they want to add more. And we talk about having a brother, because a change would be a nice addition, and because they love boys they know, not because girls are not good enough, or not enough. It seems to satisfy them. When the younger ones were still four, one did ask me something to the effect of "what if I'm naughty and he's not and you love him more?," at which point i gave her plenty of reassurance that i still love her very much when she's naughty, and that all children are sometimes.

Thinking through the adoption, though, I know the question does not end there. Bringing an adopted child into your family is incredibly demanding, and their adaptation takes an incredible amount of work, and so it may well seem that all my attention is taken up by the new brother, which I know will cause jealousy. But I hope to head off resentment by preparing them for this ahead of time and involving them in the process as much as possible.

You see how I think about this a lot, and treat it like it's really happening , and not a completely remote hypothetical? Sad or crazy, I don't know which.

We are just about to apply to adopt, and I have had many of the worries you've mentioned. I don't think I would love an adopted daughter more than my sons, but I would be really relieved and happy that she would complete my family and I think for her, being the only girl in the family would help her feel she has a role and a vital place as she grows up. I also think I would feel the need to protect her from their crazy rough and tumble and the noise. Though I have heard that people who have biological children and then adopt sometimes get very protective of the bio children and tend to blame the adopted one for any arguments, etc. I think you have to be very careful to treat them all fairly and make sure they are as informed as they can be each step of the way. I think having a decent age gap is quite important too, because then the older ones can see the LO as not so much of a rival, and everyone can cherish the baby. Well, this is what I tell myself when I start to worry about how complicated it is bringing an adopted child home. Before I started reading about it I had no idea of the complexities, but I think it will be really tough. But if it works, it will be worth it!

[my5girls]

I had 5 girls in a row. Finally our 6th was a boy!! My husband was on board every time I decided to try again. I wanted a son more then he did. He was fine with having all daughters. But when I found out about swaying he took supplements and did whatever he needed to do. He knew how important it was to me. I'm so happy he was on board. He is truly a great husband! Good luck!