I could find out tomorrow... should I??

[KidAtHeart]

Thank you for all of your responses. I think I'm in the 95/5 situation. Either way, I am not planning on telling other people if we do decide to find out. I have a baby shower coming up, and if I do get pink outfits and I know it's a boy, I know that will be hard for me to cover up in public. I am thinking of having them write the gender down and then we can defer the decision but have control over when/where. Maybe after my shower the weekend after next?

Hotdogz, I know exactly what you are saying. A friend of mine just had a girl after three boys and had that 'special surprise' in the delivery room. I'm sure she did want a girl but she did an awfully good job of covering up if she had GD. She seemed to be at peace with having a fourth boy. And while I know her mental state has absolutely nothing to do with the baby I am carrying, I can't help but think she deserved to have a girl bc she didn't need it as much. Isn't that ridiculous? It's a 50/50 shot no matter what, it has nothing to do with who is more deserving. Terrible things happen to people every day that don't deserve it and wonderful things happen to terrible people. Not that I think having a healthy baby is terrible in any way, but just to make a point.

To be clear, although I know I will have some disappointment if it's another boy, I have three great sons already so I'm not worried that I won't bond with him or love him any less than my other kids. Kids are kids, and we all have good days and bad, good stages and bad - whether or not it's a boy or girl. But the desire to have a girl is so strong... sigh... I'll keep you posted on what we decide to do. Thanks again for all of your responses! It's so nice to not feel alone with these crazy emotions.

[motherofboys]

I am finding out, as early as possible, whether this is boy number 4 or not. I did contemplate not finding out but I got so upset at the boy nub guesses, this is the first time I have experienced GD and it has hit hard, I still don't have confirmation as I'm only 14 weeks today but still I'm pretty sure its a boy and cut up about it.
I had depression after my 2nd son (not related to GD) and I get so scared of it happening again because of GD, I didn't bond with my son until he was 2 years old. I don't want to feel that about this child just because his a boy. And with how upset I got I know I would be really upset to hear boy at the birth. Its best for me to have time to get used to the idea.
Only you know how you feel and how well you would deal with another boy if you got to the birth and heard "it's a boy" so only you can make that decision.
I have always wanted a surprise but just found reasons not to keep it a surprise every time LOL

[Mrs_P]

good luck with whatever you decide kid, i think if you can wait and you know you'll be fine either way the surprise is very tempting - something i've never been strong enough to handle

BUT the main reason i never waited was because i never wanted to be disappointed at birth, i've met all my boys with nothing but excitement. I don' think you can ever escape gd if you have a strong desire and the idea of feeling upset when its a potential baby always seemed better to me than feeling upset or anything but pure love for my actual baby (any gd had always gone by birth). Although hearing boy would be hard now at least you have enjoyed your pregnancy and you have 10 weeks to deal with things and enjoy the birth!

Either way good luck and keep us updated, hope you enjoy your scan and babe is well x

[Niva]

Well put, Mrs_P. I guess it just comes down to whether you think you would actually get over the GD by finding out earlier. For me, that was not the case. I found out at 14 weeks and still did not get over the GD until DS was a couple months old. I think I would have gotten over it faster if I had had less time to focus on it and build it up during pregnancy. But everyone is different; only you know whether you will be able to properly digest your GD in advance if you find out, or whether your GD will last past the birth regardless.

[KidAtHeart]

So we got an envelope with a picture of the gender... the envelope of torture that we have not opened. On the one hand I like knowing that I can have an answer whenever I want. On the other, it's like having a huge piece of cake in front of you that you can't touch. Hugely tempting. My husband has been feeling very overwhelmed lately. I think that if I found out I'd be doing him a favor. My baby shower is a week from Sunday. Maybe I'll find out after that. As much as I want the surprise, it might be better for me if I could wrap my head around any disappointment ahead of time.

[1+2+3boys]

Exciting, I couldn't stand that torture, I'd have to know. I like that it is a picture rather than written down. Will be a nice keepsake

[kpmum]

What a great thing to do. If it was me I'd choose a night with just DH and me, have a lovely dinner- a romantic night in. Open up the letter together. If its not the outcome u hoped at least u can curl up in his arms and have a good cry. U will also have time to get ur head around it and get excited. If its ur DD u can go crazy shopping x

[vickyaust]

Your so strong. I would be ripping that envelope open now!

[KidAtHeart]

So I've decided that I really ought to find out beforehand. I was sitting in a chair the other day and I was imagining holding my new little baby in my arms. I got a wave of emotion that I might be looking at him and feel a little sad that it's not a girl. As much as I would like the surprise, I feel like I really owe it to the little baby, and myself, to sort out my feelings ahead of time. Take out the sting so that I can enjoy my little one as soon as he's born.

There really is nothing left to wait for. I had my shower over the weekend. I gave myself a deadline (Mother's day) to find out. But as long as I'm not too tired/cranky tonight and that my husband has some energy too (he's away for the rest of the week), I think I may open that envelope tonight. Scary! It's been comforting to have that envelope to know that I could end the uncertainty whenever I want. Also super scary! I'm excited to find out and to just *know* - but super nervous too.

I just saw a friend who has three boys. I didn't even know she was pregnant again - but today I found out she's having a little girl. And another friend just had a girl after three boys. As ridiculous as it sounds, I'm convinced that they've "taken" all the girls so for sure it will be a boy. A part of me still is clinging to hope, but now I think that it would be in my best interest to just find out and come to terms ahead of time if it's a boy. It will be hard to keep the gender a surprise from everyone else though!!

[Nachelle]

FINGERS CROSSED!!!!! I hope you see the magic word... Girl!!