Scared of future gender disappointment

[OMmommy]

Hi, I'm new to this site. I have two beautiful boys 3.5 and 12 months, who I love more than life. After finding out that I was pregnant with my second son I was extremely disappointed. I felt like it didn't change how much I loved my baby boy but in a way I felt like I was mourning the loss of the daughter that I was sure I would have. I would love to try for a little girl and this website seems to have some great info, but my husband is worried that if we have a third boy that I will be devastated. I have to admit that the idea of never having a daughter makes me cry often. Has anyone experienced this and if so how did you and your husband come to the decision to try to have another baby or not?

[iHeartM]

I know how you feel and I'm sure a lot of others on this site do too! If you really really want a daughter and would be devastated if the next was a boy you could look into going high tech. Even if that isn't an option I would still try to sway and go for it...if I didn't try for a 3rd I would always look back and wonder if I might have gotten a daughter. If the 3rd is a boy then you know that at least you gave it a shot. That's just me though.

[Mumof3girls]

We tried swaying for our DD3 but it did not work and we onlywanted 3 but this time we are going HT because I don't think I could handle anothe failed sway and this way if it works we are gaurenteed that it will be a boy. Good Luck. Sending all my pink dust to you.

[3littleladies]

I honestly only went for a third cause I was so sure that I'd get my boy, so I swayed so damn hard and in the end I ended up with my 3rd dd, yes I was devastated, I cried & cried at my 20wk u/s, I went through all the emotions I was saying 'why did I even try, why have I ruined my perfect family etc etc' but fast forward I now know it wasn't meant to be for me and I can see why cause I adore her so much now that I wouldn't change her for 5 boys & my family wasn't perfect before my family is perfect now!

It sounds like to me that the only reason you're going for a third is because you desperately want a girl, then I would recommend going HT if that's not an option then try to sway and at least that way you know you gave it your all & in the end if you do end up with another boy, trust me he will be extra special to you, your desire for a girl will probably never go away like my desire for a boy, but Im not having anymore & Im truly ok with that.

[ocean]

My DH and I were agreed on 2 kids, and team green for our 2nd boy. A 3rd changes a LOT of things - where we live, child care costs, and probably my sanity since we both work long hours FT! It took a LOT of thought and research -- but we're about to embark on HT. I researched swaying heavily before my 2nd, and swayed my way to 2 miscarriages, until I slowly gave up parts of the sway. I no longer believe in swaying - though that's really a personal call. What I DO believe is that I never again want to be checking ultrasound potty shots in the middle of the night, googling 'ultrasound of boy that turned out to be a girl', and feeling upset, and checking strollers, and comparing family composition, and getting tears in my eyes as I pass baby girl sections of stores (and I don't even LIKE pink!!). I want none of that agitation and panic and regret. I'm willing to pay - and put myself through the emotional roller coaster - for the chance at the guarantee. Because I don't just want '3 kids' -- I want my 2 beautiful boys and also 1 girl.

My strong advice is to research swaying carefully. I think you need to go into the swaying process EXPECTING it not to work. And while HT doesn't work for everyone, do read the posts of people who got their HT DG...it can be inspiring!

[ocean]

Btw the HT decision is more me than DH...'he's going along for the ride' is the best way to describe it. This is after a bit of calculated proposing of the topic, btw. He wants/wanted only 2 kids. But I know a part of him would love a girl - he actually assumed we'd have girls before we started having kids.

What he would NOT have been ok with is just trying for a 3rd. He really didn't like the concept of HT when I raised it before #2, but we know people that have done IVF now, and he's warmed to it over time.