Long post, it's ok not to read lol

[GreaseMonkey]

Well here I am once again...Never thought that I would ever write a post about GD again because I "thought" I was done with kids....BUUUT, nope, I am pregnant with child #3, or should I say boy #3..I have a lot of feelings, I am mad, I am pissed, I am disappointed, I am sad and every other feeling I can think of. I have 2 boys, I love with all my heart, I adore them and I would do everything and anything for them. But, my husband's job requires us to travel every 3 years. Our government will pretty much pay for everything, from schooling to housing to food. But they pay for the kids that are 5 and older, just like in the US. I have an 8 year old and a 4 year old. I had plans, I had dreams but all that are put on hold because of this pregnancy. I suck, I don't want to be pregnant, I don't want this baby but I can't do anything about it. So, I force myself to create a registry and to genuinely start loving this baby and start getting excited about it. I am getting there, but I am slowly walking there. Not sure when I will be there, I didn't bond with boy #2 until he was 6 months old.
I had a IUD, it fell out, hubby found it, thought we were safe, didn't say anything and here I am...
I was going to send my little one to school next year, I wouldn't pay a dime. I was going to have all this time to myself to go out, to make friends here to do things but that's not going to happen. And to top it off, I am 100% positive this is a boy. I picked out a boy name, my registry is boy oriented. I don't even want to entertain the idea of a girl well because I know my gut feelings have NEVER been wrong!!! I was starting to enjoy the possibility of being selfish and have more money to myself. When I told my husband I was pregnant and he saw me upset, all I could think about is how I am going to cope with GD. How fast, how brutal will this be this time around? I wanted a girl, a guaranteed girl or no more kids. He knew that, he decided to do HT and then he broke his promise...TWICE. So, is this a surprise pregnancy? A meant to be pregnancy, an oops pregnancy? I feel trapped, tricked into it and now I have to deal with it because everyone is excited EXCEPT ME.... Ughhhhh

[nuthinbutpink]

I'm sorry I really don't know what to say. I think the odds of your IUD falling out and you getting pregnant before you realize have got to be low so somehow this lo is meant to be.

If it is a boy, he will be your baby. There's something special about "the baby". With the age gap, your 2 boys kind of have each other and this one will have you. My son is 3 now and it was very difficult to get here because he has been tough but it's cool. We do stuff and he's my sidekick. I see that with my mom and my youngest brother, the baby. Each kid is different and we get something from each child. My DD3 is special needs so as hard as a third may seem, if you get out of this with 3 healthy kids regardless of gender, you are truly lucky. I know you can't see that now but it really is a blessing to have healthy, typical kids.

I hope each day gets better and who knows, it could be a girl.

[missmegrn]

I am sorry you are going through this right now, and feeling this way about your pg. Your intuition may be right or you could just so upset that you know it's "your luck" you wont get what you want/desire. You are entitled to feel this way, as this is a major surprise and deviation from the plan you had for the future. I do believe that things tend to happen for a reason (good or bad), and I am sure in your frustration, those are not words you want to see or hear. I am sure at this moment, there's not much that can truly comfort you because you are truly frustrated and disappointed and you need to work though those feelings first.

This is the place were you can vent, place all your frustrations, because at some point in time at least one of us ladies has been where you are or is where you are as well.

I hope that time will help you cope with your feelings, so that you can possibly enjoy your pg. I hope you are having your dg, as that may help you heal. I wish you the best.

[GreaseMonkey]

Thanks ladies so much! I don't feel that^ way all the time, in fact this time around I am feeling it less than I did with my 2nd one but I am not sure if it's because this pregnancy has been a surprise or because I have been so stressed the past couple of months. I do also have a plan in place in case I do get GD as bad as I did with #2 so that makes me feel better. There is a psychologist here where we are so I will be seeking her out!! I really don't want to be in the same situation I was 4 years ago, not loving my baby and not wanting to take care of him. I don't want to make the same mistake, this is the reason why I didn't want boy #3!! Thanks for listening

[nuthinbutpink]

We are here if you need us/

[GreaseMonkey]

Thank you, I am a pro at this

[hotdogz&boyz]

I didn't want to read and run. I am so sorry you are in this situation. It's gotta be such a mind warp, as you were moving forward with plans. I hope that you come to peace about the little one quicker rather than later (for your own suffering's sake). I know a little of the fear, anger, and confusion because my first was a BC baby and I was, in no way, prepared for him. I had plans for my degree and work and my social life that didn't have kids in the picture for many years down the road. So when I got that positive test, I was all over the map emotionally. But, like you, I started taking actions for accepting him and my heart did follow pretty quickly. And, naturally, I realized he was in my life plan way before I had made my own life plan. So I hope this little one feels that way to you. Good for you for being proactive on the GD front. I do, however, hope it's a chance at your DG, a way of the universe sending her to you.

[GreaseMonkey]

Thank you, I really appreciate you taking the time to read i think once my appointment on Monday is done I will be feeling a lot better about this pregnancy since it will be confirmed.

[atomic sagebrush]

Huge (((hugs))) and love headed your way. I'm sending what little pink dust I have at my disposal!!

[Waiting4Daisy]

I think it could definitely be your little girl but understand why you don't want to think that. I'm sending you massive hugs and I just know this LO will be such a wonderful blessing, there is something so special about my third little guy! Xxxxxx