Which makes more sense?

[lemonade]

I'm happy with my little boys close in age, but I have always wanted at least one daughter, even just one, since I was about 5. But with 2 boys the odds I'll ever have one are dwindling.

The fact my husband's limit is 3, and I've already had two C-sections, is what really puts the pressure on for me. We're nowhere near ready to try again, but it's always at the back of my mind. I really need help weighing the options so I can stop thinking about this.

So I was wondering... would it make more sense, financially and mentally, to just sway and see if a daughter comes naturally next, and if not, somehow try to convince my husband for a 4th?

OR, just get it over with and spend at least $12K (a ridiculous amount of money basically) for PGD, which might not even work right away?

The risk of trying naturally is we'd have a 3rd boy and then my desire would be REALLY bad. Not that I wouldn't love my 3rd son of course, but the daughter would still be missing, and I'd be even more willing to go to "desperate" high tech lengths anyway. But then again, I might have a daughter next anyway.

PGD is a "guarantee" and we wouldn't have to have more kids than we originally wanted. But it's a taboo thing to do that we'd have to keep shamefully secret, and also might mean flushing absurds amount of money down the toilet. Also, it's embarrassing, messes with your hormones, and invasive I'm sure. I made the mistake of telling my mom about PGD, and she was horrified by the idea of discarding healthy male embryos just to get a daughter.

Feel like I'm going crazy but I can't stop thinking about this. What makes the most sense?

[carmella_marie]

I know atomic recommends going ht if you can. The older you get your chances of success with ht go down. If for some reason you can't get get pg the ht route then go back to swaying.

[angielorna]

I'm in the (almost) same situation. I have 2 wonderful boys (via c-section) but have always dreamed of having daughters. It's taken almost 4 years to convince DH to go for a third (in hopes it would my daughter). He has told me in no uncertain terms that 3 is the absolute limit, no possibility of a 4th EVER.

I cannot afford ht (and it's illegal in Canada for family balancing). Having said that, if I could afford it, I'd do it in a heartbeat. Yes, it may not work, but depending on how much money you can spare, you can do it more than once. If I win the lottery, I'm going to the states and going HT! (I don't play, so I probably won't win, hahaha)

It's a tough and personal decision to make. I'm sure you'll figure out what will work best for you and your family.

Angie

[hotdogz&boyz]

If you think about it...a 4th child (that your husband potentially won't agree to or want) would cost well more than $12000 to raise from birth to whenever you consider it stopping raising them (my mom still "raises" us and we are grown adults with families of our own...but she still pays for things like new carpet when ours gets destroyed, just cause she wants to). So, in light of money...I think the smarter option is to put the $12000+ out now and get your guarantee.

I do understand the hesitation. It's like "what if the sway would work??!" And it's a consideration. But I think in decision-making, it's best to assume it won't and work from there to handle your feelings. (Not because it wouldn't work, but because I think it's easier to hash out decisions picturing the "worst case scenario" <--don't mind that term, can't think of another to describe it).

IF you have access to the funds in any way, I think it's a smart use of money. Especially if you know that you won't feel complete unless you get a girl and would potentially go for another child if you got a third boy.

Ill tell you that hubby and I would be considering it for our 4th (and last) if our 3rd (swayed) hadn't worked. We are certainly not wealthy, it would take effort to drum up that kind of money. But I know it would be possible and that would be enough to make me do it.

[Houseofblue]

I would go HT if we had the money...we don't, which is why we rolled the dice and swayed (don't know gender yet). Both of us considered 4 our absolute limit, but are now considering a 5th if this one is another boy. I don't really *want* 5 kids though...nothing wrong with lots of kids, I think huge families are so cool, but I am sort of high strung and a worrier and the 3 I have wear me out as it is.

[SamS_TTCPink]

I would also go HT if we could afford it. It's not available in Australia so it's also the extra costs of having to go overseas and there is just no way we would ever have that money. You have to do what feels right for you and your family and not be concerned what others may think. It's really none of their business! And you don't need to feel ashamed if you choose to go HT, there's nothing shameful about putting the time, money and effort into getting your daughter. x

[snipsnsnails]

I would try HT first if you can financially. I did HT first, 2 rounds of it but it didn't work out for me. I was fertile myrtle with 3 boys and new 4 kids was my limit. HT was my only option at that point. I thought for sure HT would work for me. Well, I didn't respond well to IVF. I did end up making 2 girl embies the second round and transferred 1 healthy perfect blast. It ended in BFN. At that point I walked away and just knew HT wouldn't work for me.
I took a long break and decided to sway. I got a personalized plan from atomic and tried first month, BFP with a girl. Believe me I still can't believe it!
I would at least get HT pretesting done and see if your a good candidate.
Good luck!

[atomic sagebrush]

Odds of HT success do not improve with time, whereas swaying will always be here and it's much more possible to get pg at older ages by TTC naturally than it is IVF. My advice is, if HT is ever an option, do it FIRST and then you can always sway if it doesn't work out. That is, if you can afford it without completely gutting your family financially...

[Luvmyboys]

HT can be more than $12k...for most of the good clinics, you are looking at between $15,000-$20,000 for one attempt.

We have cycled 2 times with no success...still trying to determine if we cycle again or sway...and we have great regular fertility too.

[Luvmyboys]

This includes the meds, cycle fee, monitoring, freeze fee, anesthesia, etc.