Wow. Thanks for the slap in the face.

[luxelover]

DH and I went to a birthday dinner last night for a friend we haven't seen in a while. He has a 6-year-old DD and twin 2-year-old DSs. The last time I was at their home I noticed that there were no pictures of the boys anywhere, but dozens of beautifully-framed shots of the girl. I just put it down to them not having time to get new photos taken etc. Anyway, last night this 'friend' said: 'It's a wonder my DD's little finger doesn't hurt as she has me wound around it so tightly. She's so perfect and wonderful'. I said: "That's lovely that you have a daddy's girl. I hope your wife gets at least one mama's boy to even things out" and he said: "She can have both of the boys! Who wants boys? They're dirty, smelly and destroy everything. You have two, you poor thing! I have my DD, thank God for that!"

I was floored. I have been working so hard on my GD - I'm totally smitten with my DS2 - and was in an OK place. To add insult to injury, the couple sitting opposite had a PP and were SO smug about it. "Of course we were done after two kids, we got it right the first time!" - I just felt lousy, and like a failure somehow.

It truly feels - where I live at least - that NOBODY wants boys. Girls are 1000% preferred and the pitying looks/comments when I take my two beautiful boys out are wearing very thin. I feel so sad that they have been born into a society that views them as second best from the moment they're conceived. Even the dads around here seem to openly favor DDs. Boys are definitely seen as the consolation prize : (

[hotdogz&boyz]

Wow. Just wow. That dude has issues. Serious ones.

A child is a child is a child. And psychology would suggest that his boys are "dirty, smelly, and destructive" because that is what is expected of them, said or unsaid. It's that whole "living up to what is expected, no matter good or bad." Surely if he was so open with people he hasn't seen in years, he is open with his children about this fact. Which is horrifying. I genuinely don't believe he deserves those beautiful twins.

I can't relate much about that area you are living in...because no one has EVER said anything to me about boys that was remotely negative. I do tend to send out "back the $&@/ off" signals and people don't usually say stuff that would pick a fight with me. I've never been known to hold my tongue. But I don't find anyone gives me pitying looks or sees my sons as less. But unfortunately, I do think our society has a way of objectifying girls, even from a very young age. We want girls because we can dress them up (collective "we" not meaning you or I in particular). We want them because they are delicate and "submissive" (aka: that whole girls sit and color and listen, boys run around stereotype). But I don't think it's really an accurate picture, just a delusional one.

I'm sorry they had that impact on you. That sucks to have the wind taken out of your sails.

[Boysway]

First of all, sending you huge hugs. They don't sound like such great people, sorry to say. FWIW, I love my girls to bits, I wouldn't change them for the world. However, all I have ever wanted was a little boy. When I found out DD#1 was a girl, quite honestly I cried. With each little girl I have had, I have longed for a little boy even more. This is our last chance at a boy. Again, I say I wouldn't change my girls but, I desperately want a baby boy, as does my Dh. Don't beat yourself up about these people. I am sure you are a wonderful parent. I send you all of my baby girl baby dust xx

[4BOYS]

That guy is a total dickhead does he want a doll or a child ?, lucky he dosnt have a daughter that was like me as a child ,believe me i wasnt sitting quiety , i was loud ,running around outside getting dirty, playing with my brothers , on their skateboards /bikes ,playing video games ,mum jokes how i was more full on than the boys combined ,DH and i both hope our future DD is like how i was.
I actually have friends with girls and boys and my boys and their boys have to lock themselves away in their room away from the girls to get peace and quiet , why do people stereotype ,drives me crazy !!

[Claire33]

I think I would have just gotten up and walked out of there! That is just a personal insult to the most important people in your life, your two children. My boys are calm and just as well-behaved as any girl out there. Idiot!

[Waiting4Daisy]

Aside from being an extremely insensitive comment to make to a boy mum, I would really worry about the psychological damage he is doing to all his children by putting his dd up on a pedestal and demeaning his twin boys like that. Tbh in my mind he has the perfect family so to speak with suck derision about his boys his horrifying.

I also never get negative comments on my boys but I always gush about how cute and funny they are (which is true) and tbh where I live it seems to be still 50/50, people want boys and girls equally but the pigeon pair is still seen as ideal. I would not have been able to keep my mouth shut hearing that about boys and would have given that person a piece of my mind. Only one of my boys is a rough and tumble dirt magnet, my older two boys are calm and sensitive and quiet. And my sweet little crazy ds3 is the most fun ever!!!

People like that are so ignorant. Don't let them get to you because their opinion is fundamentally worthless if they are such idiots. Feel sorry for his kids and be glad that you are able to raise some decent men who will not view their own little boys like that.

[deaks66]

Wow that really was a slap in the face and so unfair when you have been working in your gd so hard. I don't know where you live but it feels like it is similar here, boys are some kind of consolation prize. I think there was even a statistic printed in a national paper here that said the ideal family makeup was 2 girls! I mean who are these people??

[missmegrn]

People can be very ignorant and insensitive and a lot of times don't think before they speak. I feel sorry for those twins, because it truly seems like they are not wanted and are inferior to the girl. For those of us that have gd, it's hard to control the feelings and where and when they occur and ignorant comments like that really can set it off and put salt in a wound that was trying to heal. Shame on him for feeling this way about his sons and in general about boys as well.

For what its worth, my 2 dds are no where close to being proper princesses. They fight like cats and dogs. They can turn a clean house into a disaster at the drop of a hat. They can make messes that are so difficult to clean up, that it makes me want to scream sometimes. I teach them manners, right from wrong, but kids are kids. They will get dirty, make messes, and need multiple baths per day at times, but it doesn't mean you should love them any less or make them feel inferior. I hope and pray that one day I will have a ds, seems like he would fit right in.

[ocean]

Luxe I think we're in the same country and I know what you're saying where everyone just seems to prefer girls these days - at least on East and West coasts. Middle of the country is a bit more balanced, some areas even prefer boys. BUT I will say that I now see the looks I want to see - I smile at my kids and just don't watch other peoples' faces (though most are smiling I note). My mood directly determines what I see - if I'm feeling GD'd out, I see all the 2 or 3 girl families out there. If I'm content, I see everyone smiling at my downright beautiful children.

Yes, we may have a culture that has swung into a girl-preferring mode - and it has swung the other way in the past - but remember that OUR kids are OUR KIDS. These beliefs that are in our mind of what people prefer, they are simply less relevant when we really think about how much we love our kids. It's up to us to train ourselves to observe and challenge those thoughts when they arise.

To your dinner 'party', the problem with these callous and IGNORANT comments is that they floor you - with their hurtfulness and ridiculousness - and so a good comeback is never available when you need it. I agree w pp, one response is 'Wow that's surprising to hear from you, I guess it depends on the kids you get and how you raise them since my children are nothing like that.' And of course there are even more pointed things that could be said and also help end the dinner party.

Surround yourself with the people you want to be around. Period. Me, I wouldn't hang out with those people anymore - it's not worth it.

Also, that guy is REALLY strange to be talking about his own children like that. Let alone the worst stereotypes about boys which are so rarely actually seen....except maybe in his kids due to parenting failures!

Soon after I met my DH, before we were engaged, we went to dinner with friends. One of those 'friends' brought up something from DH's past that was designed to hurt me - an old relationship of his - and that was the last time we hung out with them. Good riddance to people who are either cruel or thoughtless, we have no time for them!

Really glad you came on here and posted this so we can tell you how ridiculous those people are. Something else in their lives must be really wrong if they're so unaware and over-proud of something they had no control over.

[GreaseMonkey]

Wow that man shouldn't have had kids :/ If I were his wife, I'd pack my stuff and leave!!! His poor DS's, they will grow up feeling unwanted from their dad