Rant about "girl moms" ...

[Trike3]

I wanna vent about "girl moms" for a minute. Not moms of girls... but "girl moms"; the women of only girls, who worship daughters, and make moms of boys (like me) feel like failure pieces of shit.
I've tried making friends at multiple "mommy groups" in my area and there is always this clique of "girl moms" that say and do things that make me feel unwelcome as a mother to a son. These women, even if they have a son, only bring their daughter to these playgroups; like the boy is a shameful secret, but the girl is a prize trophy to be shown off.
Most recently I went to one such group where DS was playing happily with a little girl. Another little girl showed up, ignored DS, asked the other girl of she has sisters, then told DS to go away and that he wasn't allowed to play with them since he's a boy. This girl's mother talked to me for a few minutes, then wanted nothing to do with me once she found I had a son. This "girl worship" makes me sick. I am NOT a failure as a woman simply because I bore a son. And I'm tired of this bitches trying to make me feel like I am, simply because of my child's genitalia.
This treatment makes my desire to have a DD unbareable. I want a daughter of my own, and their smug, self-ritgheous attitudes are devestating.

[Trike3]

Absolutely, Cherrim! I'm having such a hard time finding parent friends because of this "girl worship" attitude that is so pervasive in "mommy groups". I'm shunned because I don't have a daughter. DH is having an even harder time, because he's very paternal and love being a dad. He goes to these things with me, and the women (some of them) turn on him! He was even told not to come to one group, just because "babies are a woman thing, so you shouldn't really be here". We were so pissed about that comment.

[stephk]

OMG I cannot believe what I am reading!! I am so sorry that this goes on where you live, i can't even begin to understand how you feel. I can't begin to understand how these women have such attitudes, I feel so very sad for them and for their poor kids - because they will also grow up with the same awful mindset. Who needs friends like those people anyway. I really hope you and DH find some normal people x

[motherofboys]

I know a few people who value girls so highly and it almost feels like they are 'putting me down' for being a boy mum. Told I shouldn't have any more babies as they'll be boys (so they should get a chance in this world because they are boys?) laughed at as "you're the only one of us now with out a girl!" And told "society wants to keep girls safer as they have the most value, not to say anyone's boys are not worth anything"


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[nuthinbutpink]

What people often say in public is often used to protect themselves and make themselves feel better.

Boys and girls go through stages thinking the opposite gender is yucky. That's normal.

Remember- Nodoby can make you feel inferior without your consent. - Eleanor Roosevelt

[hotdogz&boyz]

I deal with one such mother on a regular basis, as she is a member of my church group. Our children are the same age and they often end up on teams, in classes, and other such things together. And I'll say, I never realized people like that really existed until I met this individual. I do everything in my power to avoid her (as do many other people I know) because she is so unpleasant to be around. She had one daughter, a chosen one and done (nothing but respect for that decision, but she harps on it). She has literally made comments about being proud of her child for XYZ and ill agree that I was proud of them for working so hard or whatever and she will say "Well, yeah, but its a much different sense of pride when you have a girl." When her daughter didn't want to hold my sons hand in music class (a circle activity) her mom actually encouraged the behavior by stating that her daugher didn't like to hold the hands of boys. (Thank goodness the music teacher said that she could either hold his hand or sit the activity out).

Honestly, you are best to just avoid these people. As I say, it's common knowledge around here to avoid this woman and I actually feel sorry for her sometimes. Because she basically has no real friends and people talk about her behavior behind her back. I'd hate that life. Ill take my gaggle of boys (and ten more) before I'd want that attitude issue. I agree that it's not your issue or a problem with your child...it's them. They can't see that amazing thing called a son and its their loss. Because sons are awesome creatures who come with their own personalities and joys if one pays attention. They are missing a huge part of life by acting this way. And it won't gain them any friends!

[trifecta]

My mom was a "girl mother" when I was growing up. She never seemed to understand my brother and I occasionally heard her say that raising a boy was foreign to her. My parents are still married but I think she was heavily influenced by my grandmother, who was divorced twice. She had a semi-disdainful attitude toward males. Well, that all changed when the first grandsons were born. She couldn't keep her hands off of them she thought they were so cute. By the time I had my kids I never worried for a second what her reaction would be to me having boys. I'm glad she came around.

[trifecta]

One other thing I want to mention is that I think cultural expectations play a huge role in this. If women don't see males as complex, compassionate, and fully human with the full human range of emotions those expectations come out in their parenting and it creates exactly the kind of son these women won't relate to.

[3BoysBlessed]

Thank you for sharing your stories. I have experienced very few of the passive-aggressive women who have girls. It is a sad thing for them. 1. I whole-heartedly believe that they are jealous or have a big battle in their lives and minds that I don't know about. 2. If they are not jealous, it is that they are self-absorbed and hence want a miniature of themselves...yikes. Their family needs prayers for peace. 3. I am so glad I am not like them because I am happy with my life and my family is my pride and joy. I am blessed beyond words. They only cause me to realize how blessed I am and how wonderful my life is. They are certainly unhappy if they would be so unkind, so spiteful and so deliberate in their meanness. They are targeting a specific issue. It makes it obvious that they lack something very specific that would bring them joy in their lives. If that weren't the case, they would not be doing or saying such negative things. If only I could count the times people have said "oh three boys!", I'd be a millionaire. My responses are amazing these days...lol. I totally blow their minds hahaha. But it's the ones who go further that I know live sad lives. Like the woman who once said to me-in a very snooty tone, " oh I've got MY two (she has two girls) so now I need to get my husband one for him." What does that even mean!? My response was, "We have OUR 3 and I have always wanted a boy since I was a little girl...my prayers have been answered 3 times over." People can be cruel, but when you're happy in your life, nobody can take you down. These women only make me feel sorrow for them and I just hope that their family isn't all miserable on their account. All children are little beautiful human beings. We can choose who we do or so not associate with very easily. One of my friends once said jokingly to me that I'm , "not that girly" so maybe that was why I had all boys...she realized immediately what she had said was so ignorant and hurtful and tried to fix it...I forgive her and wish I could forget it tanks for letting me vent, too.

[Peebell85]

These girl mums who are saying these revolting comments are completely shallow, and will unfortunately indoctrinate their simple mindedess into their girls and they will end up like Dahlia from Suburgatory. NO ONE LIKES GIRLS LIKES THIS.

If anyone makes you feel less of yourself because your beautiful boy is a boy, I'd stop spending time with them immediately. How dare they! i'd rather my boy spend time with just me, than with other children who will make feel less of himself.

Most of my GFs have boys, and the one who has a girl is raising her to be a really balanced 'person', not a frilly pink tulle beast who only cares about being pretty because that's all her mum cares about.

This hideous girl worship behaviour actually puts me off wanting girls too, even though I know I'd never be like that.

It's just such a shame that boys, for some reason, are rated as runners up. My boy is the best, because he is sweet and funny, not because he or a boy, or a girl... That doesn't matter!