A little Blue

[EmileeJane]

I'm new to this forum but am no stranger to GD. I have been doing very well lately and need to be here less and less, which is a good thing. I'm on here today because my very close friend just found out she's having a girl. We were pregnant together with boys the first time and I had my 2nd boy last Feb. She knew how badly I wanted girls or a girl. I confided in her that I was very sad after finding out I was having boy #2. I also know she and her husband were desperately hoping for their girl this time around and they got it. I just feel very sad and jealous. I can't feel happy for her because I'm feeling too bad for myself. I wasn't overly nice to her when she text me the gender. I guess I was also upset because I have personally been through a lot of heartbreak in life and I want those good things. In fact the morning she text me we had just found out our offer had been accepted on a house we wanted. We have been living with my inlaws for almost a yr, since we lost everything in a fire last year. So for the first time ever I will be a homeowner, but my enjoyment was cut short by her news. Any way I'm upset on how unfair life can be and could use a little cheering up! Thanks for listening!

[nuthinbutpink]

I'm sorry you are down. Awesome news on the house though! It will be lovely to have your own home! I hope you can focus on the good parts to get you through the rough patches.

[lala22]

Sometimes we have to wallow in our own sorrows for a minute...just long enough to realize all that there is to be grateful for. This too shall pass:-)

[covered in blue]

So totally been there! Especially when my brother got his perfect little surprise PP while I was expecting DS3. They got all the lovely messages about how awesome and clever they were while we got all the commiserations and comments about how we had enough kids already. It will get better though and if you have to take a break from that friend then that is fine too. Do you have plans to sway or go HT?

[Mrs_Incredible]

Covered in blue - how awful for you, you must have been fuming x


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[EmileeJane]

Ugh, coveredinblue! That is tough. I will definitely be taking a break from that friend fir a bit. It still stings days later but I'm trying not to think about it too much. I want to get through all the paperwork and focus on getting the house. Hopefully once we're in (cross your fingers for end of july) it'll feel like life has begun again. Maybe once we get settled into our house things will feel lighter with my friend and I'll feel better equipped to face it head on!
HT is way out of the question for us. I did purchase a sway plan here and have really started the diet. I must admit it is hard for me. I'm hungry and cranky! Hopefully it gets easier. When I feel like that it's hard to want to stick to it. Especially with no guarantee but I'm going to give it a shot! Anyone else swayed with the diet?

[LilithWiser1979]

Aw, hugs Emilee! My sister was pregnant with girls when I was pregnant with my two boys, and my mother's obvious preference for girls was like a knife in my heart. I get it, it's awful when you can't even be happy for someone else because you're hurting so much.

Yes, I swayed with diet and exercise, and I get to happily call myself a success story! The first week or so was the hardest. After that, it became a habit. Coffee with some milk in it instead of breakfast, doing something productive instead of snacking, eating vegetarian and picking up my knitting instead of a nighttime snack with DH.

I tried to think my sway this way: I was willing to do HT, but DH said no way. So, I though of all the things I'd have been willing to do for HT, and tried to pour at least that much dedication and effort into the sway. I would have worked extra, so instead I worked out for an hour a day. I gladly traded shots for skipping snacking. I thought about all the mood swings the HT ladies talk about and decided that I could handle my cranky hunger.

I don't know if that would work for you, but it helped me through. Good luck!

[2boysJustOneGirl]

Bad days sneak up on all of us I think. Hearing a friend is having a girl will likely always cut like a knife, sorry to hear of this happening to anybody because I know how much it hurts.
The truth is this will divide you, in your heart anyway. I have severe feelings of hate towards my sister, best friend and even my own mother because of GD. It's mostly because I feel isolated and not able to bond with them as I venture through motherhood. I hope you are able to steer clear of these feelings, if not entirely, then most days at least.
Who knew these feelings could exist for us boy moms?!?It's just not fair.


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[EmileeJane]

Thanks for all of your words of encouragement gals!
It is great to hear your sway worked Lilith! That does give me hope and your story of getting your mind set on giving your all to the sway helps too!
You are right 2boys this will divide our friendship for sure. Sad as it is we just won't share the same commonalities as we did before.
When I start to feel bad it helps to remember all of you have felt this way too and that I'm not alone. It really does make me feel better. Not that misery loves company (but it does just that it can be overcome. And on the really hard days there is someone here to turn to that knows how you feel and will help up when you need it. Grateful for all of you and your understanding!

[crazydesperatelady]

Well I could have written your post word for word (except for the house part). And in fact I did write basically the same thing in my thread which is just below yours (EXTREME gender envy and desire).
I had to take an anti-anxiety drug (which I get for sleep) to calm down after reading my friend's text message with her baby's gender announcement. It took me like half an hour to even dare open that text. How crazy is that? I don't like feeling this way, I think it is disgusting, but what can I do?
Now I have to visit her and give her a little gift for her new girl. Today I could not even bring myself to buy a cute pink gift bag with a baby girl theme. Not speaking about the gift itself....
Without getting into personal details, I also have been through some really tough times in life and I somehow feel it is not fair I do not deserve even this little bit of luck. Why does everything comes easy to everybody but not me?
I don't need fancy cars or houses /apartments that most of my friends & family have. I was never even jealous when everybody around me was getting married year after year and I remained single for a long time.

Most normal people would say - count your blessing, you are healthy, you have a husband you have a cute little boy. I never deny that I have a lot to be grateful for. Yet the strength of gender desire is so overwhelming that most normal people cannot comprehend or relate to it.
Gd functions in much the same way and stirs emotions of similar nature to baby envy when you cannot get pregnant.
Infertility is something much worse, of course but the emotions it evokes are really similar in their intensity . This and similar forums are a proof of that. Baby "gender envy" is not as bad as "baby envy" but it can still make people so miserable that they end up clinically depressed for years, obsessed, unfulfilled and in extreme cases it can even lead to suicide (famous English case from a year back) and abortions. It puts a strain on many marriages and I have lurked enough here and there to know that it has actually ruined quite a few beyond repair.
I do not understand the mechanism of it, but GD IS a real problem. A clinical/medical problem perhaps. And it is not something any of us chooses.