Really bad evening at dance class last night

[LacePrincess]

This is part gender desire/envy, and part secondary infertility rage.

So there's a preggo lady in my Thurs night ballet class. She's about 6 months along. I've had to bite my lip and suffer through class being just plain jealous of her pregnancy.

Last week, we find out she is having a girl. Well gee whiz of course she is! And I HATE that class because everyone wants to talk about her pregnancy EXCEPT ME. So I have to just stew and be bitter and paste a fake smile on. For the whole hour. Well more, because she'll yak and yak about it in the dressing room before and after too.

Yesterday evening, a second lady announced her pregnancy. And all I could think was, F*CK ME. The two of them are now 'pregnancy BFF's'! I wanted to puke. They yakked before class. They yakked ALL DURING CLASS. And worst of all, in the middle when we usually stretch for 5 min or so before continuing class, everyone just sat around on the floor while they talked endlessly about pregnancy stuff for 15 min. So not only do I have to LISTEN to an entire class of nothing but pregnancy (and baby girl!!!!) talk, but now I'm being cheated out of actual dancing.

My fake smile was failing me so badly I had to get up and pretend to stretch at the barre for awhile because I couldn't not look mad.

The part that makes me want to STAB THINGS, was how preggo lady #2 was doing nothing but bitching. Whining, moaning, bitching. How shitty her doc was for going on vacay so she won't get her early scan! So most people would think it was because she was worried to make sure baby is healthy. Nope. She is upset she won't get her scan at 11-12 weeks because any longer and she might show, and that just wouldn't do if she terminated because people might know she was pregnant.

Ok at that point I was just raging inside. Yes I have huge gender desire for a girl. But I'm hitting the point where I just am desperate to have another baby. I'm listening to all this thinking, last BFP I had ended in a m/c. And we've been, while not actively tracking and trying to nail O, at least 'not preventing' since Feb 2013, and I'm not pregnant. Not to mention that with DS#3 we went through a Down Syndrome scare (which fortunately turned out ok) and had to make the VERY HARD decision not to terminate, and had even made plans for what we would do if we had a Down's child. So to hear the matter tossed around so trivially was a really sensitive trigger for me.

I can stand to be around pregnant woman. But being around obnoxious preggo woman who yak on like the entire world should be as interested in their pregnancies as they are is a whole 'nother story.

Sometimes I feel like having secondary infertility tendencies (it took us 14 months to finally get preggo with DS3) is such a lonely place to be. I don't fit in with infertility boards, and I don't want to be judged for looking 'greedy' since I already do have healthy children. But secondary infertility hurts too, it always hurts when you want more children and have a hard time conceiving, whether it's child #2 or child #4+. Add in the gender envy and I was in an hour of HELL. It's not prenatal class, there's no reason I should have to put up with this. I can't even see any way to bring it up to the teacher since the teacher is good friends with preggo lady #1 and likes all the preggo talk.

I spent the whole drive home afterwards crying in the car. What an absolute sucktastic evening that was.

[Adia]

Oh girl...we need to get together for a pity party. I actually turn and run from pregos these days. Thankfully no one in my immediate circle is prego but I live in a very fertile part of the country and their are tons of New Year's babies ready to pop in the next efw months. ugh
I just can't handle it after all these months of trying and no baby to show for it. I had a lovely ruptured ovarian cyst last month to show for all my efforts...

I have been to enough dance classes that I feel your pain. I am not sure I could have endured like you did. How lame that they kept talking all through class....makes you want to slap them and tell them to shut up because they are wasting your money.

Sorry for the nightmare...I am sure you are tempted to find another class or not go all together. Sometimes it just gets too much to tolerate.
Big hugs honey!

[covered in blue]

Oh I feel your pain! I would have been so mad too. I'm sorry they are ruining your dance class

[LacePrincess]

Thanks so much ladies. I knew you guys would understand! I wish I could just go somewhere else, but it's really hard to find decent adult ballet classes so I haven't much choice. But still I don't know if I have the fortitude to go back, preggo lady #2 is in like sooooo many of my classes.

I don't know, right now I'm exhausted and feeling really beat up. It's damned hard to put on a happy face when you feel like raging and/or crying inside. And it's so unprofessional to take up actual dancing time letting people yak anyways!!!

Adia - yikes on the cyst!! That sounds horrible. I hope you're recovering well.

[atomic sagebrush]

I am so sorry you guys.

[The Anchor]

What a nightmare! I am in the same boat as you Lace, secondary infertility, and losing hope quickly. And my girlfriend of almost 25 years, who SWORE all she wanted was 2, just had DS1 at 43 years old. After 2 girls. She got him this little onesie that said "oops" and I just about lost my mind when I saw him wearing it. (Never mind the fact that I don't think it was an Oops at all, but she'll go around telling people that to get the attention). We haven't talked in a while, lol.

[LacePrincess]

Anchor, boo! I can imagine how you feel, I'm sorry.

I'm learning a lot about how not to act if we get preggo again. There's certainly tactful ways of announcing good news without it being utterly obnoxious.

I like to think I try not to be on my end too. Like I do try not to talk about nothing but kids when I'm hanging out with childless friends. Even if they are CFBC, I still think it's obnoxious for me to dominate the conversation with kid talk.

I did email the studio owner and she said they'd cut down the chitchat and said they were glad I mentioned my feelings. I haven't been back to class yet, so we'll see how it goes next class. If it continues I'm going to find a new school because dance is supposed to be my stress outlet and this sort of stuff isn't helping me relax!

[1+2+3boys]

That sucks. I hope it gets better soon. On the plus side, they wont be at classes much longer hopefully!? That is nice to hear about ladies doing ballet. I can see another dimension to wanting a girl. I so hope I get to do ballet classes one day but if not with a girl then I could try it myself

[LacePrincess]

That sucks. I hope it gets better soon. On the plus side, they wont be at classes much longer hopefully!? That is nice to hear about ladies doing ballet. I can see another dimension to wanting a girl. I so hope I get to do ballet classes one day but if not with a girl then I could try it myself

Hey, you don't need a daughter to have a dancing kid! Two of my boys dance. DS2 got accepted into an audition-only pro ballet program starting this fall. And it's awesome to have boys in ballet, they get huge discounts in tuition!

Alas the ladies are going to be there awhile yet. One is due in Dec, the other not till Feb. And unfortunately the one that likes to yak is the Feb one. Ugh.

[EveSweetheart]

My dear, I'm so sorry about you! Hope everything will be fine