Outlander

[atomic sagebrush]

That is the way I feel too. Having a girl was never about mani-pedis for me LOL (not that there is anything wrong with that, just that I get worried when I see people assume they will have a girly-girl bond with a daughter when that may not necessarily be the case)

[jmomof3girls]

Something very interesting I observed about my husband, is that our first two boys are not "man's men" in any way (not sporty or outdoorsy types) and while of course he does love them and all that, I think he had a weird kind of GD for a more traditional boy-boy and was very happy when our 3rd and 4th boys came along. It was like even tho he had sons, he did not have the "son experience" that he wanted. I can totally see how a man surrounded by tea parties and stuff may not be feeling like he is having the parenting experience he dreamed of - even though he totally LOVES his daughers, it's just not the dream. And i just feel very badly for them because the "you are a horrible person" remarks that we all get for wanting daughters, they get 10fold and can't even always rely on their wives to be willing to TTC again.

Atomic, This is one of the reasons why I decided to ttc for a 4th child. I was originally felt like 3 was a lot but my DH wanted to try one more time. He said he would be fine with another girl. He just wanted 1 more try. He's a great father and husband so I thought why not? I had a strong desire for a boy too but 4 kids seemed like a bit much. I love having a big family now.
I like the way you view things Atomic. People can learn a lot from you!!

[2boysJustOneGirl]

I only wish I had the luxury to worry about my husband! He is an avid hunter/fisherman and he is beyond pleased that he has two sons to entertain that lifestyle. He and his brother still hunt with their dad. I always remind him how much I hope at least one of our sons is gay so I can have somebody to shop with someday. And those are all stereotypes I know! But a girl can dream. I want my husband to have things I common with his sons but at the same time it breaks my heart.

I try to picture what I would be like if I had two girls, if I would be content and happy. I think I would. You just can't compare a mothers desire for a daughter to a mothers desire for a son. It's way too different on so many levels. If I wanted a gender for my husband....cannot fathom it, cannot compare it to what I am feeling.



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[PrimalMamma]

Yeah, I'm with you 100% 2boys. I had this discussion with my husband yesterday. As encouraging & lovely as he is about it all, as I said to him - he has his boys. He just cannot understand what it is to feel so isolated in my own home as I do. It's so lonely.

[jmomof3girls]

Hmmmm. I guess you're right. My gender desire can't possibly be as strong because I already have girls.

[trifecta]

The idea of the million dollar family, one boy and one girl offspring, is an old idea and we still hang on to it. Why? There must be some merit to. Maybe those families are happier, live longer, don't experience divorce, don't experience depression? I don't know what exactly it is but there must be some kind of evolutionary reason why mixed gender families are desired so much.

I prefer to think the opposite is true--the genes of those of us with one sex are so desirable that nature wants to make sure we keep going! I'm only kidding about the great genes but I do think it is mother nature's ruse to keep us popping out kids!

[trifecta]

Yes, my husband is a manly man also. He has this secret side of him that does tea parties with the girls though. It's pretty cool because you would never know that about him.

One of my fondest childhood memories of my dad was playing beauty parlor with him.

[2boysJustOneGirl]

I think I am predisposed to GD because of the birth order of my family. I am the middle child, older sister younger brother. My sister and I were born two years apart and my brother came 6 years after me. There is not a doubt in my mind my parents, more my dad, wished I had been a boy. My dad wasn't a very good father figure for this, and other reasons. When my brother came along, the protocol son, I felt it. That sense of being the unwanted child. I grew up with enough love to become a normal member of society but I still felt it. And now here I am, with gender desire like a crazy person. But I LOVE my brother. I am closer with him than my sister. And I love my sons. But all that doesn't change a thing about my longing for a daughter.


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[atomic sagebrush]

Hmmmm. I guess you're right. My gender desire can't possibly be as strong because I already have girls.

Oh Jana I'm so sorry that is NOT what anyone is saying here. That is the downside of these threads is that sometimes people say things to make themselves feel better but it makes others feel worse and that is NOT ok. Please ladies, think before you post. Some ladies do want boys and/or want only boys, and I don't think anyone has the right or knowledge to say that the two cannot be compared and it is very hurtful to the blue swayers.

FWIW I had a super strong gender desire for a boy with my first - it was just that I GOT him. I wanted a boy SO bad. I was SO happy when I delivered him. (more than when I had my DD - that was more just a sigh of relief that she was safe and sound) I have no doubt in my mind that I would be here swaying blue if I had had all girls with just as much passion as I had to get my DD.

[atomic sagebrush]

I think I am predisposed to GD because of the birth order of my family. I am the middle child, older sister younger brother. My sister and I were born two years apart and my brother came 6 years after me. There is not a doubt in my mind my parents, more my dad, wished I had been a boy. My dad wasn't a very good father figure for this, and other reasons. When my brother came along, the protocol son, I felt it. That sense of being the unwanted child. I grew up with enough love to become a normal member of society but I still felt it. And now here I am, with gender desire like a crazy person. But I LOVE my brother. I am closer with him than my sister. And I love my sons. But all that doesn't change a thing about my longing for a daughter.


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My dad also had GD for a boy, I believe. But I am not sure that's why I had GD at all. Honestly, I was very happy as a boy mom for many years, GD was something that really sneaked up on me. I had no gender preference when I got pg with my 3rd son and I was shocked to find myself crying in the bathroom at my ultrasound. It was like, where did this even come from? It was so not me.

I think we are taught to look for some complicated psychological explanation for why we have the feelings that we do but sometimes there is no explanation. The heart wants what it wants.