Another two boy Mom gets a girl

[2boysJustOneGirl]

I am a two boy mom. At least I will be till July 16 when our third baby will greet us! For now I am in a constant state of anxiety, we won't know the results of the MaterniT test until around Christmas time and I am a mess. Anyway my midwifes assistant is a two boy mom- well will be until late December when she will get to meet here daughter. So where does that leave me?!? Beyond jealous and afraid that she got it! She got her girl and I am doomed to be a three boy mom!!

I choose to make light of this in this post but truly ladies, I hate her and I also hate anybody who was blessed with a mixed family after two tries. What a blessing that would have been, I am so resentful at all the fun and happiness I could have had instead of suffering with GD.

I am sure by the new year I will be a complete nervous wreck. I truly hope that I will get lucky and this little bean is my baby girl. Can I be so lucky? Do a anybody know how lucky they are to get one of each?!?

[1+2+3boys]

OMG I SO know how you feel about the 2 boys getting a girl. It makes me so mad. It is the one thing I hate seeing out and about or when it happens with someone I know which it did to three in one short space of time. I'm so happy to hear that you are pregnant and I hope so much that this is your girl. It must be hard to see your assistant MW with what you hoped so much for and the hormones must be messing with you. But remember she is she and you are you and what children you have has nothing to do with each other. Good luck, you so deserve a girl xo

[Sarah4girl]

I'm in the same boat. Preggo with never three after having 2 boys. I also don't feel I'd be so lucky to get a girl. And of coarse everyone I know is having girls at the moment. There has to be a boy amongst this somewhere, and I truly feel it'll be me. Great you get to find out so soon! Fingers crossed for you xx


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[nuthinbutpink]

I wonder how many people will hate you if you have a girl too. I can only imagine how much disdain you have for me. I do not like reading about others hating someone because of the gender of their kids. I understand where you are coming from but I'll pray you will find the grace to be happy for her some day. It's so much lighter on the soul. I'm sure you will hope family and friends are happy for you if your third happens to be a girl. I'm sure you don't want anyone to hate you!

[2boysJustOneGirl]

Honestly hate is a strong word for what I feel. A small part of me is happy for her bc I know how badly she wanted this. I just wonder statistically how many women of two boys will be "allowed" to have a girl? If she was, does that mean I am not? I can't help but feel jealous rage.

I think it is easier for women with mixed gender families to feel happy for others because they aren't in it, they got what they wanted and can now move past GD and see things more positively. I know you didn't get an easy hand nuthinbutpink, you must have had some extreme of GD to decide on HT. So I don't hate you! I love everybody on this site for giving me somebody to relate to without judgement.

And truly I don't care if ppl hate me. I have endured a mountain of insensitive comments about my boys and maybe I will enjoy having somebody look at my family with desire instead of pity.

[nuthinbutpink]

I understand the jealousy. It's the hate I cannot relate too. That is never an emotion I had towards others at any point in my journey and I hope you are able to see your way past that one day.

I know you think I should not comment because I have both genders now but if you are finding yourself hating people that have both genders, you'll run out of friends pretty quickly.

Hate is a big word.

[2boysJustOneGirl]

I just said "hate is a strong word for what I feel" and I said that based on your feelings about the word. The word hate comes out of a child's mouth to their mother...Does it hold the same degree of power as the word hate coming from say a racist to a minority? I don't think so. My version of hate is clearly different than yours in this context. I feel more like a child "hating" their mommy because I didn't get my way rather than the latter. Actually my hormones right now allow me about as much control over my emotions as a toddler so I choose not to be too hard on myself at this point, and I can only hope (falsely I see) that others could be easy on me too.

I have no idea why you feel like I don't want you to comment. I don't feel that way at all and I am sorry you assume that.

[LilithWiser1979]

Even before I knew I was having my girl, I wanted everyone who wanted one gender over the other to get what they desired. Happy people make the world a happier place. I also know the depths of Gender Disappointment, although, I'll freely admit that I didn't have it as bad as some. I never attempted suicide or actually went through with some of my darker "cause a miscarriage" thoughts.

I guess I just feel like someone else getting a baby girl doesn't mean I won't get one, or that my chance is gone. Their baby is theirs. I want mine. Their reality, their lives, don't have any bearing on mine. And them having a third boy (or whatever gender they don't want however far down the line) doesn't give me what I want or make me happy. It just makes them unhappy.

Don't get me wrong, I burned with jealousy all the time over PPs (my ideal family!) I wished I had them, but I never wished for someone to get their non-DG... unless they claimed it didn't matter and shrugged off my GD as something that was no big deal or something I'd just "get over!" Then, I totally wanted them to get a single gender family just because they refused to understand the way people with single gender families are treated and I hoped that might bring them sympathy instead of complete apathy for those of us in GD hell.

All I'm saying, I guess, is that focusing on your own family and reality is the best and healthiest way to deal with it. Believe me, I know how much it sucks to hear about someone getting your dream family, or to get an invite for a baby shower for your DG. I wanted a girl first and second, and both times I shared my baby shower with my sister who was having a girl while I was stuck with the boring boy clothes while she opened gift after pink-wrapped gift of heart-breakingly adorable dresses and cute baby Mary Janes. For my own sanity, I had to recognize that her getting a boy wouldn't make my baby a girl, and wouldn't make me any happier. I also realized that she was jealous of my relationship with my DH (she has now had three different baby daddies) and that my life, overall, is WAY easier than hers, despite the GD.

I will not be a "count your blessings" person, since I hated hearing that in the throes of my worst GD. I will say that it's okay to mourn and avoid dealing with other people having your GD. I had to block about half a dozen women on my Facebook feed who kept posting the most gorgeous pictures of their daughters and stop hanging out with a couple of friends with baby girls who were very well-meaning, but always made me feel worse. Your midwife situtation is unfortunate, but maybe you could talk privately to your midwife about how this is effecting you and meet with her alone for your appointments?

Breathe, and remember that you don't even know if your dream has already come true!

[2boysJustOneGirl]

Thankyou lilithwiser! I appreciate your advice so much and I am so happy you get it and don't judge me too harshly. I will hold your words close to me. Thanks again The fact is what you said ,no amount of hate, anger or jealousy will bring me my girl so I am going to try very hard to let it go. Everyday.

Btw my MW assistant is off on maternity leave now so I won't have to see her again. even tho that doesn't mean she is living my dream, at least I won't have her reminding me how jealousy can envelope me.

[Little Lunasa]

I wonder how many people will hate you if you have a girl too. I can only imagine how much disdain you have for me. I do not like reading about others hating someone because of the gender of their kids. I understand where you are coming from but I'll pray you will find the grace to be happy for her some day. It's so much lighter on the soul. I'm sure you will hope family and friends are happy for you if your third happens to be a girl. I'm sure you don't want anyone to hate you!

Surely she should be allowed to express how she feels, I thought this forum was supposed to be somewhere that people could vent without being judged.


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