Preemptive GD.... what's going on with me?!

[lemonade]

OK, I'm not even TTC #3 yet, let alone pregnant, and already I feel slightly hurt when I see moms with two boys and a girl. Yes, hurt.

It's really weird and I hate it, because of course it could still happen for me too. But two boys and a little girl would be my absolute dream family. It feels like because I want that so so badly, it won't happen. It would be too good to be true. Hearing the ultrasound tech saying "looks like a girl" would be one of the biggest joys of my life. It would just be such a relief to know I'm finally having a daughter of my own, and I could finally leave this desire behind.

But the reality is, I could just as easily have a third boy next, because even the best sways fail. I think I'm hurt because those women represent what I could have... but also remind me what I might never have.

Has anyone else experienced this preemptive GD?

[1+2+3boys]

I think your dream family is always a bad trigger for GD. I always wanted two boys and a girl from as young as I can remember and I HATE seeing those families. It is the only thing that effects me these days GD wise. Seeing baby and toddler girls do not trigger any GD for me anymore unless I know they have two big brothers. At playgroup last week an old timer came back after a long break with her almost one year old daughter (she has two gorgeous sons) and she is one of the cutest girls I have seen. She could be a TV baby, honestly stunning. For some reason she took a liking to me and smiled and kept trying to use me to stand up and was looking at me trying to play and it broke my heart. I wasn't sure what to do and I am normally really good with other peoples kids. The thing that bugs me is that it could just have easily being the other way around. She who ended up with the third boy and me getting the girl. Otherwise I do not begrudge her at all. Don't worry, these feelings are totally normal and I think since you don't know what will happen for you it is normal to worry. On a second note though. I wouldn't swap my family for hers as my kids are the best ever. I'd still like that icing on the cake though. It must be nerve raking. I got to avoid the waiting for gender reveal number three after two of the same because of the twins. I got all the shock at once but at least there wasn't a huge lead up to it.

[Kittybear]

I understand Hun however I try to take the 2 older boy, 1 girl families as a positive thing; it IS possible for this 'family make-up' to exist.

Sending hugs ((()))) xx

[Boom]

When I was pg with DS4, I cried myself to sleep for weeks until the gender scan because I was so worried that my reaction to another boy would be bad. At the time I felt that would be our last baby. I actually reacted much better than I thought and it took a few days for me to decide that I could have more babies after if we went HT.

[2xblue]

I feel exactly the same way! We have two lovely boys and I would love to have a daughter. My DP agreed having a third one but I´m already so scared to have another boy. I would go HT but my DP was against it. I´ll try to talk to him about it once more but if he won´t agree I will try swaying. And it scares me. It would be amazing to have two boys and one girl. I also dream about hearing the words "it´s a girl" at the scan but I feel it´s never going to happen to me.

Have you decided when you are going to TTC?

Like the others said, it´s a positive thing that some people get the opposite after two of the same, it´s possible for us too! But I totally understand that it feels that we are never going to be that lucky. I know many families with 3 boys, hardly any with 2 boys and one girl. So it´s scary, I feel like I´m going to be one of those. I know if I would have my third boy I would love him more than anything (yesterday I was even thinking about boy names and I found a very beautiful one, actually DP wanted our DS2 to have that name. I don´t even want to think girl names.) but we are done after three kids so my dream of a daughter would never come true.

[keepthefaith]

I know what you mean and I am a week away from finding out what gender baby number 3 is. I am hoping for a girl and when I first got pregnant I panicked slightly that we had made a mistake as I couldn't cope with the disappointment of a boy. Anyway now that I am nearly 12 weeks I actually feel calm about the whole thing and think that hey if its a third boy well thats my lot, I gave it a damn good try and it wasn't meant to be. I will love this baby no matter what. I will however have to grieve for the daughter I will never have, but it was't meant to be, I have to live with that. Hoping I get my girl but its outwith my hands now!

Hope you feel better knowing you are not alone! xx

[srg09cag11]

My situation's a little bit different... We have two girls, and when I saw/heard "boy" with our third, I was ecstatic! Unfortunately, he had a massive heart defect, and despite surgery only lived for six weeks after birth. Now I'm 10 weeks pregnant again, and I just can't believe that we could have another boy. For some reason in my mind, I've decided that we can only make healthy girls, and I know that this one has to be our last. I'm ready for another baby; it would be perfect if this is another boy, but I just don't feel like it's possible.

[kitkat18]

Oh srg09 cag11 that is heartbreaking, I really feel for you hoping its another we're boy for you. I totally agree Lemonade I have had HEAPS of preemetive GD and yes 2boys 1girl being the baby was my big trigger too! I would be so jealous when I saw these family make ups when out and about. I never thought I would be lucky enough to get my dream family makeup I'm 35 weeks with DD so it can happen! There is so much pink success on here right now. For me I think I had come to terms with being a mum to three boys, I had a big age gap between DS2 and DD1 so I think that helped me and just wanted another baby. Best of luck, I will be following your story Xxx

[Dana-Alicia]

My situation's a little bit different... We have two girls, and when I saw/heard "boy" with our third, I was ecstatic! Unfortunately, he had a massive heart defect, and despite surgery only lived for six weeks after birth. Now I'm 10 weeks pregnant again, and I just can't believe that we could have another boy. For some reason in my mind, I've decided that we can only make healthy girls, and I know that this one has to be our last. I'm ready for another baby; it would be perfect if this is another boy, but I just don't feel like it's possible.

So sorry for your loss... My loss was earlier, but also had two healthy boys after she died and it makes me feel like I can't make healthy girls. And I should be thankful that I even got healthy kids after what happened. Why long for a girl when you should be thankful for a healthy baby? It's so damn hard, we don't choose to feel this way. I hope you have a happy healthy baby in there and a boy would be a huge bonus. And a girl with be just as special, your little rainbow baby. My son has brought me so much happiness in those dark days of grieving the loss of my little girl. I'm sure your baby will too, no matter what gender. It's the pregnancy that is the hardest part after loss I think. The big long place of not knowing...

Most of my friends have one gender families, but some of them have both. And somehow I feel their pity, if that makes any sense. Like I'm not complete because I have only boys. People with pigeon pairs, especially girl then boy, makes me so sad. I could have had that too.

[lemonade]

Sorry for your losses, srg09cag11 and Dana-Alicia. Before I had DS1, I had 3 miscarriages in a row, and I wonder if any of them were girls (I never found out). I too feel that I should simply be grateful that I had two healthy children in a row after that. But you're right, we absolutely do not choose to feel this way. It's awful.

Having a daughter to me is a lot more than the first 2 years when they still allow you to dress them up like little dolls. It's about raising another woman, someone I can relate to for life, and who I can guide as she goes through the things I've been through... and if she has children, I won't just be a mother-in-law. It's a desire not just for me now, but for my entire lifetime. Sorry to ramble.

Thanks for all the helpful replies everyone and to know I'm not the only one who feels sad before I even know how my future is going to pan out. And that I'm not the only one who feels that being hopeful at all, ie looking in the girls' clothing section, somehow seals my fate that I'll NEVER have a daughter. I don't plan on TTC until sometime next year, and I know it's going to be an emotional rollercoaster.