Do you feel "left out"?

[lemonade]

It seems it's pretty rare to come across other all-boy moms. Pigeon pairs are the norm where I live, or if it's a family of three it's always a mix of genders. One of my big worries about having a third boy would be that I'd always feel different from most other moms. Does anyone else worry about this?

Almost every mom I see, it seems, eventually gets that mother-daughter connection. Once they have their GIRL!! (all caps and explanation points), they have a certain fulfilled look about them, especially after already having boy(s). I can totally understand that. It must be amazing to get the opportunity to raise a child like them that they can relate to well into adulthood, that they can understand the same way dads understand their sons.

Mothers and little boys have a very special bond, sure... and even grown boys always love their moms and will jump to protect them at every turn. I love having boys for this reason. But like most women, I also want to be able to experience the "other side". My side.

I already get this feeling, even when I'm with former "boy moms" who now have a daughter, that they're already in a different world than me. They instantly have a connection to moms of either gender now, but especially "girl moms". It starts very early. Eg, I've been with girl moms and boy-girl moms, and the boy-girl moms talk excitedly with the girl moms about how they can't wait for ballet lessons, or how much more adorable girl clothes are, etc... while I just sit there and smile. I can understand their excitement about essentially raising tiny women... but it feels strange their world is a completely alien world to mine. They're definitely in a "club" that I may or may not ever be able to join.

Boy moms are moms who are raising children who will grow to be more like their husbands, so they will look forward to boy-oriented activities. Things that, unless they are self-described tomboys themselves, probably don't interest them as much as something their potential daughters might be interested in. I am generalizing greatly here, but I hope I'm getting my point across.

Maybe this doesn't worry people like it worries me.

[Dreamofpink]

You've put into words exactly how I've been feeling for years and it really does suck, doesn't it? You're not alone Lemonade xx

Sent from my LG-E400 using Tapatalk 2

[ksmom]

I totally get it! Most moms I know have children of mixed genders so I feel sorta left out like you say because I have two boys. I really, really want to have a daughter someday so I can have that mother-daughter bond. I see this excitement that moms of girls have and I've never known what that's like.
During my second pregnancy, I felt a bit alienated by other people (strangers even!) when I told them we were having our second boy. People seemed disappointed?? As if what we have will make a difference to them! I have found other moms out there (online) who have two, three, four+ boys and that makes me feel a little less alone. Nevertheless, I still long for a daughter!
P.S. I see in your siggy my boys were born the same years as yours!

[Dana-Alicia]

Nope, not alone, totally get the feeling. Although I do surround myself with other all boy moms, not on purpose, but it just turned out that way. So I don't feel left out for that reason. I do however feel weird and different because my yearning for a girl is so strong. I think they understand up to a certain point, but they are done having kids. I wish I could also just give up on my dreams and just be happy with my two boys. But no, I want to be in that group that talks about dresses and curles and ballet lessons and pink glitters. And have a mini-me I can relate to as my husband plays rough ballgames with the boys. I don't like ballgames, I duck when a ball comes my way. Ugh GD sucks

[trifecta]

But I know some women with all girls who wanted at least one boy and I feel like we can relate to each other in a way that I can not relate to mixed gender families. Especially those with one of each.

I have girl-mom friends and I feel like I can relate to them well, also. It's even been helpful to see their parenting struggles up close, because they have them, too.

I do feel left out when I deal with mixed-gender families. If they have a PP I try to remind myself that they're missing out on the experience of having a pair of brothers or sisters, and that is a significant experience, too.

[Kittybear]

Agree 100% Hun xx

[jennypenny]

I can totally relate to this! My friend with two boys also, has changed dramatically since having her gorgeous girl. It's now awkward as she knows I would love a girl too eek!

Never mind, `I am so happy for her`( said through gritted teeth)

[JenB17]

I struggle with this too. So much so that I find myself gravitate towards Mums with same sex children! Im still not sure its because I feel awkward/left out or just envious! x

[atomic sagebrush]

I have a unique perspective on this since I actualy have adult sons and have been at this a long time.

I never felt left out because of my kids' gender. I am just weird and I would have felt left out no matter what, I suspect. So be careful not to attribute "normal" feelings of being an oddball that virtually everyone probably experiences to GD just because you're viewing everything through a GD lens. Honestly, if I had had all girls I probably would have felt even more left out, and it's NOT that I"m this outrageous tomboy because I don't really think that I am, but that I'm interested in things that kids of either gender could get on board with (like Harry Potter or Pokemon)

In our family relationship, my husband is the one who has always felt left out. He has said that he feels like there's a club with my older sons and I that he's not welcome in. I actually think he had a weird kind of GD for a son even though he already had two because he didn't really bond with the first pair. My sons are very interested in much of the same things I am and I have never, ever felt excluded from their lives because of gender stuff - unlike my husband who actually HAS felt excluded simply by the virtue of not having that much in common with them!

I know many moms who have boys or girls and are not interested at all in what their kids are interested in. my mom stares at me blankly regarding much of my life experiences and interests and I do feel more in common with my stepmom on many issues.
So, in a nutshell I do think that to some extent, what you get out of it is what you put in.

[Claire33]

When I've have to hang out with girl moms, I always remind myself of the fact that behind the princess dresses and glitter, behind the cowboy guns and trucks, all there is, is a child. This child needs bedtime cuddles and kisses, food, throws tantrums and needs boundries, regardless of gender. So I try to think of what we MOMS have in common, not what we don't have in common. In the end, parents of whichever gender, have more in common than people who don't have children.

I remind myself of the people I know (quite a few of them unfortunately) who can't manage to have children and who would die to have my 3 boys, but instead have an empty room in the house that was meant to be a baby room. So, despite my GD, I still have more in common with girl moms than I don't have in common. Our lives revolve around our children, we get woken up at night, we don't have time to shower, we live for cuddles and laughs with our kids, we want our kids to succeed in life, we worry, we go on family friendly vacations, we're tired, we're happy. This is what I remind myself of when I hang out with girl moms who get to buy dresses and braid hair, that all of that is just superficial. The things that actually matter, I still get to do, like have a little person to love, to see myself in my child, to have a bond that I cannot have with anyone else but with my own child.