Everyone thinks I'm having a boy, but...

[Throwaway_panther]

So I know I'm the minority on these boards, so I apologize if I upset anyone: just know in advance, I am pregnant with a girl... but I really, really wanted a boy. Still struggle with really wanting a boy. It's our first child, and we plan to have more, but I (thought it might seem crazy) have a lot of fears of my husband being older/getting older, my thyroid issues can rear up at any time, etc.

Though we know the sex, only a handful of people know with us -- partially because I didn't feel strong enough to deal with ANY comments on the sex, and also because (a bit selfishly), we've been told that going gender neutral before the baby shower = you getting stuff you actually need vs. cute clothes.

Well, because I keep telling people, "it's a surprise!" they all try to guess. I have not gotten a single girl guess.

EVERYBODY thinks I'm having a boy -- based on how I'm carrying, based on my cravings, based on my hair, based on my PERSONALITY (I guess that whole "Martha" thing carries over in general), based on my husband (manly man~). I feel very confident that my next pregnancies will never rely on OWT based on how this one's gone, that's for sure! In fact, the closest guess to me having a girl was one of my sister's sarcastically going, "All of your stuff points boy -- it'll probably be a girl."

Part of me sometimes feels like being able to shock everyone with a girl will be appealing, but these comments make me feel so... wrong. Like I agree with them, "Yes, this SHOULD be a boy -- I wanted a boy!" Which is so horrible to think of my poor future daughter. And I've even had a few people go, "What do you want? You want a boy, don't you?" Like I'm so transparently a "boy mom," yet I'm having a girl?

I don't know -- I don't know how to feel when I constantly here, "I think it's a boy!" I do know that I'm glad I found out the sex, because having all of these guesses would make me more confident it'd be a boy, and I'd probably be WAY more upset at delivery.

[netti02]

I am in a similar position. I really thought we were having a girl this time and its our 5th boy. I too have told limited people and will be keeping it that way until the birth.

I also get some silly questions too but people have no idea how i feel about wanting a girl so much so i just try my best to ignore it. Im thinking one more proper attempt at trying to sway girl and see how i go. I wasn't going to find out what i was having til the baby was born but im glad i did, ive got the time to deal with sorting out my emotions and such.

Sent from my SM-T810 using Tapatalk

[atomic sagebrush]

Please don't apologize for wanting a boy with your first, I love it that you did/do. I did too and was just lucky and got him. I was just greedy and wanted a girl too. I don't think it's as unusal as it seems on the boards.

I will tell you having had 5 kiddos that people just SAY this. They say it when you don't have a gender preference. They say it even when you know the gender. It ALWAYS bugged me (even before I ever had gender disappointment). It's like the unwelcome belly rubbers, there is something off-putting about someone sizing you up physically/mentally and making some rather privacy-invading statement about a pretty major life development.

But in a way, it's actually legitimizing our feelings to some extent - meaning, EVERYONE is interested about a baby's gender. It isn't that we are kooky nutballz for hoping for one or the other, it isn't because we're warped or mental, it is that every single person you come across who doesn't have an agenda or chip on their shoulder (IKYKIWM) is curious bordering on obsessed with their friends/relatives/coworkers' baby's gender. Even apes and monkeys, that is the first thing they do is look at the baby to see if it's a boy or a girl. So when people say that, even though it's annoying, just keep in the back of your mind that they are basically validating your feelings...it can be just as bad if not worse sometimes when people act like we're horrible monsters and that we shouldn't care at all as long as it's healthy. That also sucks!

[familymatters]

Our first was a girl, and we too found out but didn't tell anyone. EVERYONE thought I was having a boy (I guess because I have quite a dominant, no fuss personality), so knowing we were having a girl was so much fun because I just kept thinking how shocked everyone was going to be! Mind you I wanted a girl so I wasn't suffering any GD. I know if I was to be pregnant again (and I'm really keen to have another girl) that if everyone was guessing I was having a girl and I was having a boy, that that would be like rubbing salt into the wound a bit. Just keep thinking how much fun it's going to be to reveal to your family and friends that you've given birth to a little girl!!!!!

Sent from my SM-N920I using Tapatalk

[Throwaway_panther]

Thanks guys! And atomic, I NEVER thought of it that way... haha, you're so right. Sometimes I get resentful of those people with the agenda (my BIL is a big "NO GIRLS" guy, so I get peeved... but here I am wanting a boy?! Eh, maybe I do have some feelings on a "man wanting a man" after being raised by someone like that who was very abusive). But boy, you're right!

And familymatters, that's super helpful -- and knowing you went through all that and went on to have two boys makes me feel even better!! I hope you get your second girl!

[atomic sagebrush]

I have gone back and thought about why I wanted a son so bad for my first. I think it was a combination of that I always felt more comfortable around men than women, and also that I felt like my hubby would like it. It was an oopsie and he wasn't super excited about it and I think I felt that maybe if it was a boy he'd be more into it. :/

[Pinklady35]

I've had two boys and I really wanted with all my heart a little girl. I was disappointed when I found out the first was a boy but I thought it doesn't matter we can always have another and so we did and he was a boy . When u found out I cried for days that sounds awful I know . I love them both so very much but I still desperately want a girl so we tried ivf as I found out I had low ovarian reserve. So first round of ivf implantation failure, just been on a second cycle and started bleeding today on day 10 . Devastated isn't the word. We can't afford another round of ivf but I just can't accept that I will never have a daughter that I won't have the same relationship with her that I have with my mum. My other half just doesn't get it, he was never bothered about anymore it was me. Where do I go from here?? Also before my first round of ivf I got pregnant and miscarried that would have been a third boy, I found out by blood test very early. I still feel guilty that because I was so upset I probably caused it. I would try naturally but I don't know if I'm capable of getting pregnant again and what do I do if it's another boy

[Throwaway_panther]

@Pinklady, you DEFINITELY didn't cause that miscarriage, 100%. I'm so sorry for your loss, but no, truly, that is not what would cause a miscarriage and they unfortunately just happens sometimes, often because of chromosomal or genetic things that wouldn't have sustained life I know that's not always a balm, but know your thoughts and feelings definitely didn't cause it (and quite frankly, the amount of ill will I felt about having this baby girl made ME scared I'd cause that -- but stress or bad thoughts don't actually cause these things to happen like people used to think).

@pink_bean: That's really interesting to me! I'd say here, IG and even on some bigger baby forums/subreddits I find it's almost always people being upset they didn't get a girl because "I know girls" or because of that desire to have the mom/daughter relationship.


My big desire for wanting a boy (first, let alone IN GENERAL... I would have been happy with all boys, honestly) came from a lot of personal issues. And I know that. I was a victim of incest and a survivor of sexual abuse and rape. I have had my sex thrown back at me for my entire life -- bringing a girl into this world (especially one where, I'll be honestly, it is not looking too positive in the future for one born in the U.S.) was terrifying to me -- is terrifying to me.

I know my husband has said "he'd be fine with whatever; just a healthy, happy kid," but I know he wanted a girl. And I think I've stripped some of his joy with this pregnancy away because of how anti-girl I'd been (though I've gotten much better).

It's just tough. I will feel so much immense pressure when it comes to #2, and it will almost always be from myself. I'm sure I'll get the annoying comments of, "Trying for a boy?!" But I just wish people WOULDN'T care about the gender... I think as validating as it is for my own crazy to see other people care, I think it's also partially why that pressure built up in me. I've never once cared about the gender of another person's baby -- people caring one way or the other towards me, towards MY body, is so unnerving.

[nuthinbutpink]

I would find a time to tell everyone before you have the baby so you can just do it once in someway and be done. If you wait until after birth you will be forced to tell people over and over again that it's a girl and they guessed wrong. I only say that because if it's going to be harder for you to tell people over and over again it may be easier to do it once somewhat publicly and be over that part.

I wanted a boy to for my first. I was actually embarrassed when we found out it was a girl for some reason. I can tell you this though, that I wouldn't trade that girl for anything at this point. I'm not a girly girl, we are not a princess household but that girl means everything to me. I'm sure if I would had a boy I would be saying the exact same thing about him as my first child. The first child a special no matter what. You experience everything with them the first time and they are just a blessing.

[Throwaway_panther]

I would find a time to tell everyone before you have the baby so you can just do it once in someway and be done. If you wait until after birth you will be forced to tell people over and over again that it's a girl and they guessed wrong. I only say that because if it's going to be harder for you to tell people over and over again it may be easier to do it once somewhat publicly and be over that part.

I wanted a boy to for my first. I was actually embarrassed when we found out it was a girl for some reason. I can tell you this though, that I wouldn't trade that girl for anything at this point. I'm not a girly girl, we are not a princess household but that girl means everything to me. I'm sure if I would had a boy I would be saying the exact same thing about him as my first child. The first child a special no matter what. You experience everything with them the first time and they are just a blessing.

Thank you! I won't be telling anyone prior though -- I'm actually not sure I get why I would? I won't be having to tell people over and over... they'll know by announcement or when they actually meet my baby!

Sent from my SCH-I545 using Tapatalk