Destined to mother a certain "gender" ???

[Lissastick]

I have a couple of different takes on this.

Firstly is yes, it's nice to embrace the idea that whatever will be will be and that you will accept that and be ok no matter what. That is a good thing. BUT, my other take on this is that I have seen a lot of people take this approach because they don't want to sway (which is totally cool) either because it's uncomfortable or because they're scared of trying and then having it not work out. I think that it is a "mess with your head" reaction in many cases where people think this way, don't sway, and then invariably get an opposite. And again I want to stress that it's fine not to sway and it's fine to have acceptance of another boy (I was thrilled to my core when my 2nd son was born, I know it's absolutely possible to be very happy with 2 boys!) But I want everyone to be really, truly, totally sure that it is an informed decision they are making and not because swaying is messing with their heads.

It isn't just swaying that does this. Anything that causes a feeling of discomfort can make a person stop pursuing things that matter a lot to them. I really want to lose weight and get into shape like I was before I had my last 3 kids, but I still find that I make excuses to not do those things. I will often justify it and think "well I need this nutrition to build muscle" or whatever but it's because in the moment I just don't want the discomfort, yk??

Re astrophysicists - what you need to understand is that the mother is still important to the equation. I know you mentioned that but it was kind of dismissively. But men who are astrophysicists tend to marry driven women who are probably highly educated themselves (women who are highly educated have more boys and this has been demonstrated in studies) and are careful about their overall health and what they put into their bodies prior to pregnancy. So it may not necessarily be a situation where you tell yourself "well, my husband just HAS to make boys because, science" when in reality it is still within your control to some extent.

I wasn't being dismissive. Really.
I am the EXACT woman that you described is the type to pair up with physicists. I am not genius level smart like my husband is, but, I'm educated, creative and ambitious. So, that pair makes boys, right?

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[Lissastick]

Oh man, well if you're like me, the emotions around this are all so complex! I went through serious GD when I found out my 2nd was a boy. I cried and cried and cried... And cried. Now that he's a year old... I can't tell you what I would do without that kid. He's my little blue-eyed, blonde, dimpled, happy as can be piece of perfection Now, when I think about how if things had just gone differently and we'd had a girl, or if I had swayed for a girl and we got one, it actually makes me want to cry because then I would not have this boy!! Seriously.

Yet I still desperately want a girl. I've always wanted a girl. I have been lucky to have a very close relationship with my mom and I so want that with a girl of my own. So I'm going to put all I can into swaying. But I do have those moments where I'm like... but, but, but, what if there is this perfect little third son that I am meant to have and I am taking him away by swaying for a girl? Or I think, well, if I sway hard for a girl and it ends up being a boy, well, then I will KNOW that that boy "overcame the odds" I stacked against him and he is meant to be my son. Yea, I'm WAY overthinking it I know. But again, these are our children, and overthinking/feeling things in motherhood is just part of the territory

From the posts of yours I've read I can tell you are a great mother! Either way you go, I know you will not regret the child you have. I don't think my longing for a girl will ever go away if I never get her. And if we do get pregnant with a girl, I'm quite sure I will have a lot of moments of "what the HECK do I do with a girl?!!! I'm a boy mom!" Either way, I will have the perfect children for me!

Maybe I got too sappy there, but I'm in a sappy mood tonight as my two boys were basically perfect angels today (which trust me does NOT always happen!!), and I'm feeling especially grateful for them tonight. And I read a mommy blog tonight about her son growing up to be a man and it had me in tears!! Being a mom of a boy IS a really amazing thing!

I could have written this! I feel exactly how you feel. This is the way my mind works! You are so sweet, too <3

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[Lissastick]

I mostly just to give up because of impatience and how uncomfortable I feel. Which, I know is not a good reason to give up. I just have to tweak it a lot and start dropping small things. And the only thing about the L.E. diet that I'm having a problem with is keeping my blood sugar low! I am a snacking addict and it's compulsive. I just don't think my sway has any chance of working unless I can overcome that!

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[Throwaway_panther]

I wasn't being dismissive. Really.
I am the EXACT woman that you described is the type to pair up with physicists. I am not genius level smart like my husband is, but, I'm educated, creative and ambitious. So, that pair makes boys, right?

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Not always 😁😉😉

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[Lissastick]

Not always 😁😉😉

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Good to know! 😁

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[Pinklady35]

Swaying is like an iceberg, the stuff we see is just this tiny bit peeping up above the surface and then there is this huge thing under the water that is doing most of the "damage". So try not to get too overly focused on this one thing or that other one because none of us ever know anyway and it never comes down to one thing anyway.

Many of us who have boys myself included do exactly that though. We get so paranoid about getting pregnant that we do everything in our power to boost fertility thru the stratosphere. I have often wondered what would ahve happened with DS 3/4 if I had not done that and just TTC when I was ready.

Do you think that's true? I was paranoid about my declined fertility obsessed with my low ovarian reserve so much so I never really gave swaying a go because I didn't think i would get pregnant. Now I am with a third boy and my husband refuses to contemplate the idea of a fourth.. Thinking can I talk him round or just have a purposeful accident oops . I just don't know what to do anymore

[ABC.2606]

I mostly just to give up because of impatience and how uncomfortable I feel. Which, I know is not a good reason to give up. I just have to tweak it a lot and start dropping small things. And the only thing about the L.E. diet that I'm having a problem with is keeping my blood sugar low! I am a snacking addict and it's compulsive. I just don't think my sway has any chance of working unless I can overcome that!

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I'm a snacking addict too I haven't officially started my sway but that one is going to be SO tough. Grrr.... Sometimes I get jealous of the girls on this board who are swaying for boy. It just seems soooooooooooo much easier to me!! (Btw not trying to offend the boy swayers at all, I'm just a naturally "boy friendly lifestyle" mama so this girl sway stuff is TOUGH!!!)

[ksmom]

ABC and Lissa, the not snacking does get easier. It was really hard for me in the beginning because I'm normally the type of person that is always perusing the kitchen or pantry for something to eat. It took a couple of months before I started to adjust and eventually eating only two meals a day was my normal. I went from a "live to eat" to an "eat to live" mentality. Even now at 16 weeks pregnant, I'm still an "eat to live" person. I have to force myself to eat at times because I'm just not a fan of food like I was before swaying!

[XXforhubby]

I totally agree with Ksmom! The snacking and skipping/delaying breakfast gets easier! I used to eat like a hobbit, hahaha! I never really had a large meal because I just grazed throughout the day.

It does take time to get used to it. Start slowly. At first, I just delayed the first meal by an hour until now when I eat 4-5 hours after being awake and doing my cardio even. You may have to have 3 meals instead of 2. I have to have 1700-1900 calories since I'm still breastfeeding a lot, and I simply cannot eat the 800+ calories in one sitting. I have my first meal between 10-1pm. My second meal is dinner with the family around 5-7pm, and I usually have a small third meal before bed to bring up my calories or fat and protein up to the limits for the day.

You'll find what works for you eventually, but I would start slowly pushing the time back when you eat your first meal. Also, going vegetarian makes sticking to the limits of fat and protein so much easier. There are veggie burgers and veggie crumbles that replace red meat and make sticking to the protein limits so much easier than eating a tiny amount of chicken. Coffee, even decaf coffee, is a godsend to reduce your appetite when drank before your first meal or in between meals. It totally reduces your appetite!

Also, we have to be realistic about how long it make take to get a BFP. Us boy moms are so used to being able to get pregnant right away that we forget it can take 3-6 months, which is totally normal! But we think our fertility is shot to hell because of swaying and start to add in blue things unnecessarily, when in reality that is not what we should do. Don't fall into that trap! The LE diet will not and should not harm fertility. As long as you eat healthy foods and eat the appropriate amount of calories. It will take time to catch the perfect egg- just remember to be patient .

FX and GL to you!!




DS1, DS2 , & DS3
One last pink sway 2016
My Ovulation Chart

[Erin514]

I love your reply!
I feel the same I have looked into swaying b4 but then I felt I should just leave it to fate...i would like a girl but I'm also worried how I would feel, would it change how I feel about my boys etc..
what would it be like for a girl to come into a house with 4 big brothers?!
I'm sure these are the same silly worries most people have when they are expecting their second and wonder how they could possibly love another child as much as their first. But we all know it's possible to love any number of children the same...ive even looked I to adoption wo seeing if I had boys on purpose and I was destined to adopt a girl.. X

ABC2606 and all*blue*everything, I love both your replies! I really feel this way too, like as much as I want a girl, if I give swaying a good shot and get a third boy there's really a part of me that will feel like he was really meant to be since he overcame the odds. Plus, I often read heartbreaking news stories about kids who are failed by the foster care system and I think, there are so many kids out there who need a good home and no one wants to adopt because they aren't infants any more. I could see myself fostering to adopt one day, and who knows, maybe that's how I'll end up getting a daughter.