Do PP families "get" to have GD??

[babypinkno3]

Even if I ever end up getting my DG, will I ever be able to stop the urge to roll my eyes at people who have one of each right off the bat? I see people with one of each and I think, man, they'll never know the feeling of GD. Or if they did, it was very short lived. I'm just wondering what it must feel like to be able to experience having different genders so soon. I myself feel like I am unable to make a girl so when I see someone have one of each I feel like they assume all pregnancies are 50/50. Right now I feel like my odds are 95/5. I don't know. I guess people with one of each can still have GD if they were hoping for all same-sex siblings. Ugh. Stupid feelings.


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[purple]

I have a friend who has a PP and she experienced gender disappointment when she found out the gender of her 2nd. She grew up as part of a PP and didn't have a great relationship with her brother so she didn't want that for her kids.

She actually expressed her disappointment on Facebook and got given a hard time for it. At first I was thinking she had no right to be disappointed like me but who am I to say how someone else feels.

I still think it is harder for those who desire to have at least one child of the other gender and never do but we can't completely own the GD feeling.

[familymatters]

I had some pretty significant GD when I found out DS2 was a boy. And because I have one of each I felt even worse because no one understood why I would possibly feel any disappointment. Every time I looked at my beautiful DS1 I would kick myself and think 'how can you not be happy to be having another beautiful little boy?' but I had really really wanted another girl for a variety of reasons. 1) when I had DD I was young and it was a surprise pregnancy. The whole pregnancy was a blur and I was very anxious. I also suffered with PND for the first 6 months of her life so I felt like I never got the chance to be excited or celebrate having a little girl. 2) I always wanted a sister desperately (my brother and I are like chalk and cheese) and naturally I really want my DD to get the opportunity to have a sister, 3) I had always seen myself with two girls and a boy. Silly I know but it was my *dream* family and 4) my very best friend in the world was pregnant two weeks ahead of me with a girl and I really wanted to have a girl too so they could grow up together and hopefully be best friends as well!
So you see I had all these hopes and dreams all intermingled in with the gender of my third baby, so when she was in fact a he all this came crashing down. It was so hard to reconcile because I already had a girl, and I also had a gorgeous little boy who I was obsessed with, so I felt like I had absolutely no right to experience GD. Sometimes on this forum I still feel like that because I see women so desperate for just one girl and I am in the nice position to already have one.

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[GirlieCat]

I don't have any children. I am one of the few on this site swaying for baby#1 and even childless I fully understand GD. We are getting older (me 35, DH 38) and the decision to start our family now has brought a lot of fear for me because I am so afraid that once we get pregnant if I found out the baby is a boy, that I will regret the decision to have kids.

I know logically that I will love a boy and still be a good mom but I can already tell you based on how I feel now that GD can be felt by first time moms, 2x moms, moms with one of each, or whatever the situation. You may want one of each so you see a PP family and think they are so lucky, but that mom may have wanted two DS or two DD and you will never know. Woman are not as honest about their GD because like purple said about her friend, people are harsh to woman who express GD. That is why forums like this are important so we can have support from complete strangers who actually understand. (This site has been a huge blessing to me during this journey).


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[GirlieCat]

GD- I meant gender dreaming....I realize now you might have meant gender disappointment.


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[trifecta]

It's a unique kind of turmoil to have to consider going over the number of children you thought you could parent well and happily while knowing there is still a significant likelihood of having another of the same sex.

[atomic sagebrush]

I must admit this is one thing that still needles me sometimes. I did not ever even CARE about pigeon pairs, I never wanted one and never have seen them as "ideal"; I always wanted a bigger family of 5 or 6 and just figured that I'd get at least ONE girl in there somewhere. But once ya get to 4 boys over 20 years it does seem kind of unfair how many people are walking around out there and just poop out a boy and a girl and then they're like "we're totally DONE!" as if they've achieved the cure for cancer or something. so long story short, even after finally getting my girl on try #5, that does get to me because literally EVERY family in my real world circles who has had a child since then, has had a boy and a girl without even trying for it.

[atomic sagebrush]

GirlieCat - yes absolutely gender desire OR disappointment can absolutely be felt by people TTC #1 and I actually think that for many of those gals, it cuts the deepest. They never really get to have that joyous pregnancy experience without gender desire/disappointment messing with it, as those who have no real preference do with their first, at least.

[babypinkno3]

I thought about this after I posted and I agree that no matter how many children or genders you have, you can still have GD. I love that this site helps open my mind to different perspectives, and I'm definitely seeing GD through only my perspective. I guess I'd be ignorant to not understand why a person with one of each would have GD, and it's not fair. There certainly are families that desire all of one kind, or at least two of the same. I love the way you put it Atomic, I think this is certainly what I feel as well. Regardless if I get my DG next, I will still feel like I didn't "succeed" the first three times.


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[GirlieCat]

GirlieCat - yes absolutely gender desire OR disappointment can absolutely be felt by people TTC #1 and I actually think that for many of those gals, it cuts the deepest. They never really get to have that joyous pregnancy experience without gender desire/disappointment messing with it, as those who have no real preference do with their first, at least.

Atomic- this post made me cry because you get it. I wish more than anything that I just didn't care but I can't make that desire go away. What you describe is my fear- not just enjoying the wonders of my first pregnancy and REALLY fear how I will feel if the gender isn't what I am hoping for. All the more reason I want my girl with pregnancy #1 so pregnancy #2 I don't have to sway or care. Thank you for this post.


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