Want a girl so bad but trying to be mentally ready for a boy.

[lovepink13]

I am not pregnant yet but we are going to be starting to try this month. I want a baby girl so bad but I just have a very strong feeling I am just going to be a boy mom. I keep going back and forth that I will be so happy with another boy but then the next day I can't get off this site about my huge desire for a girl.

I find it so hard seeing people with girls, I went to a craft show and there were about 10 baby girls and it actually made my heart hurt. My sister in law is pregnant with her second girl and their family always talks about how great it is that she has two girls and they’ll be sisters and sisters are the best, while I sit there with my sweet boy. It’s hard seeing everyone get exactly what they want. Is it weird that if she was having a boy I know I would have been 95% fine having another boy but once I found out she was having a girl I felt like I wouldn't be fine. I love my son with my entire heart and am so happy I had him even though I so badly wanted a girl, so I do know that I would feel the same about a second boy.

I feel like its girl season right now, either all births are girls or everyone that is finding out genders are girls and once I start trying (and get pregnant) it’s probably going to be boy season.

Is there any way to prepare yourself for a gender that may not be your desired gender but know that you’ll still love to pieces? We are only having two babies so I just want to try to be ready for this..

[Sscs8815]

Hello, I really appreciate reading this post because I feel the exact same way you do. I don't have answers because I am still trying to find them, but want to let you know that you are not alone. Thank you for adding this post as I too want to read everyone's response.

[ChezIBY]

But this follows so well what I was just writing about on the new thread I started, and I think there are actually some elements poiting towards the answer in wthat you listed (how you would have felt if your sister-in-law were having a boy etc.) My opinion, as stated in the other thread, is that we should dig deeper into the origin of 'how we feel about it and especially why' and this will ultimately help us 'deal with it'. I'll let atomic and the other veterans give their professional opinions, and I wonder what the best approach in your case would be - either start preparing now, or give it your best shot for a girl sway and THEN 'prepare' for an eventual boy outcome once you know you are pregnant and in the few weeks you have until you find out a gender (like, since you are only going to start trying to conceive, I am not sure you should worry about the gender outcome yet. To much for you to worry about all at once!)

If it can make you feel better, I REALLY doubt, as confirmed by atomic, that there is such a thing as 'girl season' and 'boy season' (or very very mild sway) and that actual active swaying from diet and sport has much more influence. Plus, also as confirmed by the coaches on this site, there is no such thing as a woman who is 'destined' to be only a girls' or boys' mama. You have as much of a chance at having a girl as the next woman.

Seasons - it is probably just the people around you and you notice because it matters to you; a bunch of people I know are expecting boys currently and a bunch of boys/men are born every month! So chin up

People commenting about your sister-in-law having two little girls, girls/sisters being the best while you’re present with your little boy – people say silly things sometimes, without thinking. Maybe they felt your sister-in-law needed some encouragement, maybe they just didn’t think, people blurt out all kinds of things sometimes.

[lovepink13]

Thanks so much for your responses

I do believe a lot of it is jealously, and I hate that I feel this way. Growing up I just assumed I would have a girl and my husband always only wanted a girl, now that he has a boy though he says he is happy with either sex now. I think he had worse Gender Disappointment than I did when we found out our first was a boy, his family just likes girls more (my husband was included but not anymore thank god).

I agree, I think I just need to try to go into it with an open mind and do my sway as much as I can, stressing out about it now will not help things. When I get pregnant and if it's a boy, I do think I will have GD for awhile (hopefully not the rest of the pregnancy again) but all I have to do is look at my beautiful son and know that everything happens for a reason. Today I feel ok with having another boy, probably helps that my 16 month old is being extra sweet and cuddly but tomorrow I will probably long for a girl again.

I sure hope so.. I even told my sister in law that I wish I was pregnant now because it's girl season and she looked me at like I had 5 heads. I just feel like they come in waves but you're probably right, there is no way that only girls are being born at one time or another.

His family says things all the time without thinking. When we go to family events I hate it. My husband is finally starting to see the way they are with my son and my niece and just says who cares, he is our world and that is the most important thing. I agree but I just worry that once he is old enough he is going to feel shafted.

Thank you again. I appreciate your response so much. It really helped open my mind and just try to be positive that I will hopefully have another baby on the way soon to complete our family.

[ChezIBY]

Ouch yeah, I get where you're coming from if your husband was on the same boat, I guess it's normal to also feel that way if you feel DH has a gender preference, naturally if you love him it would influence you too as you want to 'make him happy'. It does sound like he really and genuinely is feeling great having your DS, so that's cool then

That being said, your in-laws!! Incredible! They prefer girls? They obviously already have at least one boy - your husband!! What, they would have rather he be a girl? Sheesh. Be sure and insert that into the conversation some time to make them think twice about it, like when they make some remark about how girls are better, say 'Well, I am grateful that you guys at least produced *insert DH's name here*, I can't imagine my life without him!' I think I am going to start a full-on coaching thing, helping women tackle insensitive comments, because goddammit! I actually wonder how we'd all feel if we were safe from the remarks of others, in our little bubble, all protected, how much of that DG is from outer sources ricocheting around in our brains.

Don't beat yourself up about feeling jealous sometimes or if you feel great one day and then have a bout of longing for a girl the next, this is all so natural! Just keep that pep talk going on in your head and appreciate the progress you make on the long run.
Something that has been working for me: I spent a lot of time outdoors last week-end, walking in town with friends, and I made it a point of looking at ALL families with children, not just the ones with those ole' pigeon pairs. Well, let me tell you that I saw all kinds. Some had only girls or only boys, some had both. Some had kids that looked all whiney and spoiled, some had obese kids (sorry, it's true!!) some had kids that looked happy, some had miserable looking kids, all independent of whether they had one gender only or both.

So yes, I guess we all have some 'dream concept', but I keep reminding myself that ultimately it's how you raise your kids then and whether they are happy that matters most, not whether they are boys/girls.

All that being said, sounds like you're on a good track, really like that you said you'd keep an 'open mind', sounds good and healthy and sane BEST OF LUCK with your sway and TTC

[atomic sagebrush]

There are no girl/boy seasons. When I got my 4th son, everyone was having girls, and I still got a boy (there were literally only 4 of us in the due date group who had boys that year). Then when I got my daughter, again everyone was having girls and I still got a girl.

When I was having my 3rd son (and he's my GD baby with whom I had the worst GD) my half-sister was also pregnant at the same time. She got a boy too. My brother's girlfriend had just had a girl. But funnily enough it was the boy who bothered me, since that was what they had wanted. Other people's gender breakdowns do really affect us.

[lovepink13]

Sorry! I didn't see your reply sooner

That is true, I remember my best friend had her son along with 5 of her friends within 3 months of each other and all of them were boys so it just makes you think that way but you're right there is no way there is such thing. I don't get why what other people have bothers so much. I try not to think about my SIL having another girl and whenever she says "The girls.." I get such a jealous twinge.

I am in my TWW now, no idea when I actually ovulated because my temps were all over the place this month but I did get a positive OPK 12 hours after our attempt so FX!

[atomic sagebrush]

good luck and pink dust!

[EnglishDame]

I feel like I could've written this post myself. Dh and I both wanted a girl and we got a boy , he is amazing and he owns my heart he really does but that desire for a daughter has never went away. Even though I adore my son and I know I'd feel the same about another sweet boy.

I think if I was you I'd be giving your in laws a swerve where possible. It's awful that they openly admit they prefer girls in front of you and your son even if you have a girl next he's still a boy and no one should make him feel like he's not just as special. If they do that I'd be reconsidering the time they spend with him.

Fingers crossed for you this month!

[lovepink13]

It's so funny, when I talk to my husband about it now it almost sounds like he wants another boy more than a girl, funny how things can change. I see my son with his buddy from the daycare and they are the best of friends and I would love to give him a brother because of that but I still want a girl so bad. Obviously, if I had the choice I would pick a girl but I do feel better about either. I almost feel like it has turned into Gender Desire of a girl instead of having Gender Disappointment if we do have another boy. We will see how I really feel when I do get pregnant and when I find out what I am having, I am sure there will be tears either way!

I hate to say it but I have skipped some family functions due to it. I actually texted my SIL (the one having the other girl) that it seems like someone people just seem to like girls more and she was very quick to say no way, some people just want a sister for their daughter. Honestly, out of his family she is the best one with my son, as much as she prefers girls I do feel like she doesn't treat my son any different because he is a boy like the rest of his family. I really hope that my son never feels the way I do with them or trust me there will be words said and I will not be nice about it.

Thanks so much! Still in my TWW and took a test this morning that was negative but I am only either 9 or 11 days post ovulation (temps were all over this month so no idea when it actually happened) so still hoping!

Good luck you as well! I hope we all get our Desired Genders!!