I am so angry at everything......

[Son4meplz]

I always feared the day when i would be posting my dissapointment in this forum n that's wht came to me.

I am so angry with everything...I lost faith in god, prayers n everything. I believe that i would have gotten my desired boy by going the PGD route but i believed in prayers, power, blessings n felt that god will reward me bcoz I am a good human being. But it didn't happen and i am devastated n feel cheated....I know in some countries people abort girl child to get boys n ....they do really get rewarded at the end.....but people who don't do that grieve for their life-time. IS this justified??? I don't get that. Plz help me understand this.

I always wanted to have both boy n girl so that I don't miss on the joy of experiencing both worlds. I do agree that any kid regardless of their gender is really a blessing n a big bundle of joy.They bring immense satisfaction n happiness alongwith. However, my desire to have both gender is based on some intellectual fact that, when you have both girl n boy then your family life is balanced with things that girls do as well as things that boys do. For example, I will be taking my daughter to dance classes n son to soccer games. Our dinner time discussion will be enriched with politics, world awareness, science as well as trends in fashion/make up. Our family will experience how to be solid strong as well as emotional some times(assuming that girl n boy are intrisically wired differently).

I can't write too much as I am at work right now but really feeling like I should be just the worst person on this earth and then god will love me n give me everythingn that I want. Plz share some wisdom that I am missing in my life.

[ThreeMenAndALAdy]

I'm sorry that you didn't get the gender you desired, but swaying doesn't guarantee anything!! This has nothing to do with God or prayer...just the luck of the draw. If you wanted the "guarantee" you should've gone ht. I wish you all the best.

[Son4meplz]

Thanks for the reply. I never said that swaying guarentees anything...I understand that completely. Also, i have nothing against this forum. I think you r not getting my point....I am not saying that i am unhappy with swaying or this forum but I feel cheated by my faith n belief in god and doing good to others. I had some ethical issues with going the PGD route knowing that I don't have any issues with getting pregnant on my own. But now I think i was wrong, if you need something just go to any extent n get it. That's the right way. In that regard, people who kill unborn child to get the desired gender are also justified in their own way.

[ELP]

Sorry that your in a sad place atm sonmeplz Is there a chance for pgd in the future?? I read a post on here somewhere that said 'God sends us what we need not what we want' hopefully when you meet your gorgeous new DD this become completely true for you xxx

[ThreeMenAndALAdy]

I think I am missing your point. If you feel cheated, maybe you could rethink the ethical issues you have with PGD. At the end of the day I hope you do what's right for you and your famiy. I'm a little confused with your way of thinking, but hope you do get the ds you desire.

[Son4meplz]

Sorry that your in a sad place atm sonmeplz Is there a chance for pgd in the future?? I read a post on here somewhere that said 'God sends us what we need not what we want' hopefully when you meet your gorgeous new DD this become completely true for you xxx

Thanks for your understanding. Yes, now I think I was wrong in thinking that if I am a good person n do good then god will give me what i want genuinely. That's not the way it works. So, definitely if i need a desired gender, PGD is the way to go. Not sure whether I will go for it or not bcoz i have a very different set of standards for how i want to bring up my kids n i don't think I can afford more. And, I am already in love with my DD, we both will be the best parents for her and she is going to get the best sister too. Just that i will have an unfullfilled desire/dream of parenting a son. Thanks again for your reply.

[Son4meplz]

I think I am missing your point. If you feel cheated, maybe you could rethink the ethical issues you have with PGD. At the end of the day I hope you do what's right for you and your famiy. I'm a little confused with your way of thinking, but hope you do get the ds you desire.

Thanks for 'editing' your response. Sorry, that i can't express myself in the way that doesn't make you confused but not everyone think alike so, let's not worry about it. Thanks for your reply though.

[ThreeMenAndALAdy]

I edited my reply because I didn't see that you posted in the gender disappointment forum. I thought you were speaking about the boards in general, so I apologize.

[NeedGrace]

Hi Son4meplz. I'm a Christian & have just been through this myself. I don't mean to offend anyone who is not a Christian. This is my understanding. I have 3 beautiful boys but have this ache for a DD as well. I prayed so hard before I had DS3 & thought "I've been good. I love God & try to serve & follow him". I know He will give me the desire of my heart. I totally convinced myself. Well, obviously he was a he & I was totally shocked when he was born. I was sad & angry with God for a while & even now I don't fully understand but I wouldn't change it. I know it's true that you get the child you need not the one you want. I wouldn't be without my smily beautiful DS3!! I've also come to know that He is more concerned about my eternal future than my immediate happiness. I have become so much more patient, compassionate and kind as a result of my experience. I'm much more careful with my words. I would have been the one making the stupid thoughtless comments before. Now I'm much more respectful & less judgemental. Of course I'm human & I still grieve from time to time (& put my foot in it on occasion too) because I still want a DD as well as my 3 beautiful boys but I know faith doesn't guarantee that, nor should I hinge my faith on that. God uses these things to build character & I guess to test our faith. It would be too easy if everyone who had faith got what they wanted & everyone who didn't, didn't. Just doesn't work that way. I'm sorry I'm waffling. Don't know if this has helped but I'm still processing it really. One day I will understand but for now I just hold tight to my faith in the knowledge that he does care for me & this will ultimately work for my good. Congratulations on your DD and all the best with your lovely family

[sbmommy]

I just found out 2 weeks ago that I am having another girl, and I can totally relate to your anger and your questioning your faith. I have been trying to come to terms with it and accept it myself, and I am just not there yet. My heart breaks every day and I mourn the son that I will never have. I am already 38 years old, and I don't think a third baby is financially or even physically possible. I know that I will never get pregnant again unless I go the IVF/ PGD route, I can never go through what I went through during the anatomy scan again - all of my hopes and dreams crushed, all of my years of prayers unanswered. My husband won't get the son he has prayed for his whole life, and he'll never have a chance to be the father to his son that he always wished his own father was.