Want a girl really bad? How about adoption?

[coelhos12]

I'm not here trying by to be judgmental. I'm prego with baby #2, I have a 3 year old boy and I don't know the sex of my baby yet. Yes, secretly I'd love to have a little girl. But even if this one is another boy we'll be done having kids and we'll stick to our plan of having just 2 kids (which is what we can afford). I've read SO many comments of moms so desperately trying to have a girl that they keep on having babies (am I the only to think that's kinda crazy??), and with each new baby boy the deception grows bigger and bigger. That concerns me. Are you sure you won't reflect you resentment in any ways on your little boy(s)? This is what I think makes sense: instead of having tons of kids in an attempt to get a girl, why not consider gender selection or if you're not able to afford that what about adopting a little girl somewhere that'd love to have a home? I have an example in my family where they had 7 boys because my aunt wouldn't settle until she had a girl. Ok, after 7 boys she got her girl, but now their family is in all sorts of trouble, especially financially. I don't know, maybe I'm the crazy one here...

[Sugaree]

Not to be rude, but maybe you should try not being so concerned with how other people build their families. Some people don't believe in the HT options, some don't qualify for adoption, some want lots of kids no matter what, some only want one. Unless their kids are being neglected or abused, who cares?

"Are you sure you won't reflect you resentment in any ways on your little boy(s)?"

For myself, yes I am sure because I don't feel one tiny ounce of resentment towards them. I wouldn't trade a single one of them for the most beautiful little girl of my dreams.

[atomic sagebrush]

Anyone who suggests adoption to anyone as a viable alternative for most people, has never looked into adoption. It's prohibitively expensive and many of us are not qualified for it anyway due to factors that are entirely beyond our control such as age and minor medical conditions.

Not everyone can afford gender selection, gender selection doesn't always work anyway, and quite frankly I find your comment right up there with "let them eat cake"...you're basically saying rich people deserve their DG and poor people, suck it up and live with it.

People make an assumption that because you hope for a girl (or boy) that you don't have room in your heart for a child of a different gender or blame that child for his/her existence/gender. That is utterly baseless, and BTW I have seen PLENTY of parents who hoped for a smart kid, beauty queen, football star etc. Nothing to do with gender at all. Plenty of parents have to alter their expectations for what their family looks like.

This is meant as a support site for people who are undergoing GD. If you don't have GD, don't understand it, and don't see a need for this site, then you're LUCKY. Count your blessings rather than focusing on what others are going thru.

[fish2012]

I have considered adoption but rightly or wrongly at least in the uk they would not allow you to have a gender preference.

It is my greastest hope and prayer that if you do have a second boy you will be able to walk away from your dream of a girl happy that your family is complete, tbh I wish I could but unfortuantly life is not so simple.

personally I couldn't do HT (but I totally support women who do) because we are in the Uk and becuase DH doesn't agree with what happens to the other embroys

[BellaVita]

I'm not trying to be judgemental, but your ignorance is showing. Do you have any idea of what the adoption process entails? I'm guessing no, because most people who do don't throw it out there as if it's as simple as adopting a dog from the shelter. I've watched one of my best friend's for years try to adopt a child. Years and years of going to ultrasounds with these women, holding their hands, holding up their legs in the delivery room, rocking these newborn babies only to be told at the very last second that the birth mother has had a change of heart. I'm not anti-adoption at all, and I would never discourage a family from it, but in my experience it seems that a lot of people don't have a realistic concept of it. Can it be rewarding? Absolutely, but like anything else there are no guarantees. I'm glad she finally was able to welcome a little boy into her family over this summer, but it was an extremely long and painful process that wasn't cheap.

And hey, some people simply don't want to adopt...and that's okay!

Personally, I am done at #4. I don't know the gender of this babe yet, but that doesn't matter. Never would I resent my sons and a lot of women wouldn't. Know why? Because we're not sad we have sons -- we're sad that we don't have a daughter. Big difference. None of these ladies would *ever* trade our boys for a girl because we love them unconditionally and are proud to be their mothers.

[coocoobananas]

I'd just like to add that you are being judgmental as you aren't in anyone's position yet. You don't know what gender your 2nd child is so you couldn't possibly. I didn't til I found out my 2nd was in fact a boy. I hope you do get another boy and you are content, all of us wish we could feel this way. But maybe you just may end up with your foot in your mouth as you imagine your life without a girl. I am completely grateful for my boys. I am sad I can't experience both. They are two seperate matters.

[Myloves]

Just because I wanted to have more kids than dh and I were hoping for - in order to try for a girl - it doesn't mean I don't appreciate my sons. I always dreamed of havings daughters, but it was my sons who changed me into a better person. My boys have opened my eyes and showed me that I needed them in my life before I could ever have a dd. I will be ttc again for another girl, but if I do end up having a 3rd boy - then yes, I'll probably feel GD and yes I will get over it - just as I did with both my sons.

I'm happy that you clearly have never experienced any GD but please, show some consideration for those who have. This is a GD forum after all. We are here not to judge others but to support each other. And as PPs have said, adoption is not always an option. And since when could everyone afford gender selection?

[kaseybaby]

I am not sure why you felt the need to post this in a GD forum. Maybe just make it a general comment on the swaying forum. This is here for people who are going through a difficult time, not to hear from someone who has no idea what they are talking about to tell them to "get over it". I come from a family of adopted siblings, and a family who did foster care for 16 years. You obviously know absolutely nothing about adoption or the process. So perhaps you should do some research and reserve your judgment until you are fully educated on the topic.

As for PGD. Not only is it extremely expensive, but some people, like myself won't do it for moral reasons. I don't look down on others who choose to go that route, because you know what? It is none of my business. But it isn't for everyone. I am going through IF treatments, not by choice, because I can't get pregnant on my own. It is a huge undertaking, especially having another child to care for.

I hope you never experience GD, and from my experience you will probably have a girl, and then act extra smug towards others who have GD.

[soverysad]

soo true she will end up a 'smog'.. you know what girls i smell a troll! Why go on gd website .....

[Violet_]

Just because I'd like a daughter does not mean that I do not love my sons! I come from a large family of 10 children and for me a large family just comes naturally. Before I started having children I thought I'd only have two but I did always envision one or both of those children being girls. As I've had my children I have assessed the family situation and what makes sense for us and my love and bond for my children is so great that I find raising them the most joyful, rewarding and yes, sometimes challenging thing in my life. My husband and I both tear up when we see little girls and yes, in some ways I wish I could switch this desire for a daughter off but I can't. In saying that, I adore our boys and we will most likely stop after this next bub but so what if we don't? That's our decision to make!

Adoption is not an option for us. In fact, I'd love to adopt as I don't enjoy being pregnant. Would be great to have someone else go through that for me. Doesn't mean it's going to happen.

What you are saying is like giving advice on marriage when you've never been married yourself or telling a family how they should and shouldn't parent their teenage children when you have never been a parent to teenage children. It is a subject that you have no skills or knowledge in so you are hardly qualified to speak on the subject at all!

I could really see you finding that your own feelings change in the future as you gain some more life experience. Until then consider what you are saying.

Who do you think you are to question how many children people choose to have?