DD #2

[nuthinbutpink]

I can still go back there. Dark. Sad. Pissed off. Lots of cying. I think it is what really propelled me into the HT world even BEFORE DD3 would come along.

I remember what I was wearing. My pre-pregnany jeans with a white long sleeve short. Walking the mall with DD#1 shopping for who knows what.

The U/S appointment:

The first had been a girl. Tolerable. Not desirable but tolerable. I cannot rememebr the exact moment when we found out it was going to be DD2 but I do rememebr after the u/s. I remember crying leaving the room. Silently crying. I would call it sobbing. Trying to gather myself before the doctor, whom I had never met came in to meet with us. To listen to HER heartbeat. Talk about HER. All I could do was wipe my eyes. I am sure he was uncomfortable.

I remember going to the car. Sobbing. My DH pissed at me as HE loaded our 2 year old DD1 into the carseat of my car. I don't remember where I was going afterwards..I remember the highway...eventually calling my mom...she knew it was a girl by my tone...sure I had been crying...just total devestation.

I remember it clearly.

At dinner tonight with my parents and brothers and sister, we were talking about baby names and how a week after you have the baby, no matter what you name it, you cannot imagine that child with any other name. I cannnot imagine my DD2 without her name. Cannot imagine her not being here. She has made me who I am. She has helped create me. I created her but she made me who I am. Out of complete sadness and darkness came light. It was a long time coming but the light did shine again.

[Liv]

Yes, I can relate to it all. I had a similar experience with DS2.

My maternal grandmother had died the winter before I got pregnant and I was so convinced that God would give me a daughter after he took my beloved grandma. I was devastated, but held my composure until I got home and then locked myself in my bedroom and sobbed for hours.

I am so utterly grateful for my DS2. I can't imagine what my life would be like if he wasn't my son.

[Belle]

Your post took me back I was right there with you and yes the light does eventually shine but it took me along time and I still feel guilty about that now

[NYFamilyOfFiveRoses]

NBP,

That was so beautiful what you wrote. I like the way that you said light was shining at the end.

May I ask why was your DH pissed at you?

I can still go back there. Dark. Sad. Pissed off. Lots of cying. I think it is what really propelled me into the HT world even BEFORE DD3 would come along.

I remember what I was wearing. My pre-pregnany jeans with a white long sleeve short. Walking the mall with DD#1 shopping for who knows what.

The U/S appointment:

The first had been a girl. Tolerable. Not desirable but tolerable. I cannot rememebr the exact moment when we found out it was going to be DD2 but I do rememebr after the u/s. I remember crying leaving the room. Silently crying. I would call it sobbing. Trying to gather myself before the doctor, whom I had never met came in to meet with us. To listen to HER heartbeat. Talk about HER. All I could do was wipe my eyes. I am sure he was uncomfortable.

I remember going to the car. Sobbing. My DH pissed at me as HE loaded our 2 year old DD1 into the carseat of my car. I don't remember where I was going afterwards..I remember the highway...eventually calling my mom...she knew it was a girl by my tone...sure I had been crying...just total devestation.

I remember it clearly.

At dinner tonight with my parents and brothers and sister, we were talking about baby names and how a week after you have the baby, no matter what you name it, you cannot imagine that child with any other name. I cannnot imagine my DD2 without her name. Cannot imagine her not being here. She has made me who I am. She has helped create me. I created her but she made me who I am. Out of complete sadness and darkness came light. It was a long time coming but the light did shine again.

[begonia]

Beautifully written, NBP. Thanks for putting this out here.

[nuthinbutpink]

NY- He just didn't feel the way I did. He is a guys guy but would have stopped at 2.

[NYFamilyOfFiveRoses]

Awwww you were just so determined and it all worked out in the end. Beautiful story!!!!!!!!!

[PlanB]

It's amazing you are such a strong person. I wish I could meet you but I'm on the other side of the world!

I also remember being passed on to one mental health professional after the other. Noone knew what to do with me. Finally I was set up with a brilliant counsellor through the hospital who I still see now. What a trip!

[CapricornAquarius]

Beautifully said

I also remember like it were yesterday when I found out about dd2 at the ultrasound, I cried like a baby in the car, lucky my husband was unable to come to that ultrasound appointment, cause if he saw my reaction, he would have been sooo disappointed with me.

I look at her now & I still feel guilty at times, I love her more then anything in this world.

[TTC5]

Yep can totally relate too xxxx