Just found out another girl

[Quinn31]

I have always wanted one of each but my husband really wanted a boy. He felt he was destined to have one and has always said, "when I have my son..." well we are having our second daughter and he doesn't want anymore. We ended up experiencing secondary infertility so my sway kind of fell to the wayside as I was just hoping to get pregnant. I'm so heartbroken to know that I will never have a son and I don't even know how to move forward. My husband just talks with no feelings in his voice and it breaks my heart for him. Sorry, this is the only place I feel I can come to be honest.

[Quinn31]

What makes it worse is my husband's major disappointment. He is so upset and every time I start to think of the positive things, I talk to him and feel worse.

[MIka1104]

I definitely understand how you feel. My husband left the ultrasound with the sadest look when we found out we were having another daughter...It was so hard on me. It didn't matter that our baby girl was healthy...the pain of not having a son was too overwhelming. But, of course, we both got over that and our little one is now 6 and I couldn't imagine things being any different. However, we are now trying again and it scares me to see that look of disappointment on my husband's face. I really want a son too but I think I would get over a 3rd disappointment quicker. So much pressure...
It will all work out though. He just needs some time to adjust.

[GimmeaG]

I am right there with you dear...accept I am having my 3rd son. I am so sorry you didn't get your desired gender and your husband is having a hard time coping. It makes things hard for you I'm sure. I am sure your DD will love being a big sister and having that close sisterly love. I see it in my 2 boys and it melts my heart. Many hugs to you sweetie and keep your chin up, we are all here for you

[Quinn31]

Thanks so much!! Dh has made some comments that have made things much worse. He said be never would have had another kid if he had known if would be a girl. How heartbreaking. I'm pissed at him for being a jerk and sad that he's so devastated. Hopefully it gets better. Thanks for the encouragement.

[ocean]

The good thing is your husband is telling you how he's feeling in this initial time of pain - though hearing those words is incredibly hard, and he may not realize the full effect they're having on you. You should calmly talk to him about it if it continues - you both need to be there for each other and try to not escalate the feelings. Many women have gotten on this site saying something similar seeking support, and there are men on this site too (or IG). Thankfully the all-consuming intensity of that initial pain does and will pass.

[aidansmum]

Thanks so much!! Dh has made some comments that have made things much worse. He said be never would have had another kid if he had known if would be a girl. How heartbreaking. I'm pissed at him for being a jerk and sad that he's so devastated. Hopefully it gets better. Thanks for the encouragement.

That must really hurt and I feel for you. I understand how disappointed he must be, I have 3 boys and twice I was told I wasn't going to have the little girl I longed for. Having said that, saying that he wouldn't have done it if he knew it would be another girl doesn't help at all. Hopefully he's just venting and I I think you are very entitled to be pissed at him. I mean, isn't it hard enough that the both of you have to go through gender disappointment? I am sure he knew very well that there is no certainty and when you fall pregnant you have to be prepared to accept whatever gender you end up with. I'm not saying that people can't feel disappointed, but they also have to be ready to accept and love a baby of the same gender. Sorry if I'm being a bit harsh on him, but I do feel for you mostly because hearing something like that just makes you feel inadequate and that the baby you are carrying is unwanted and that is a horrible feeling. I hope the comes around soon and start feeling happy that he will be a daddy again.

[3girlsnwaiting]

I can totally relate what you are going through. My hubby was sad when we found out our second child was a girl. The look on his face, totally wiped away my happiness. I was thrilled that my oldest daughter would have a sister since I was never blessed with one. When it was time to find out with my 3rd child I left my hubby at home. I thought for sure it would be a boy but we had our third daughter. Although my hubby was temporarily disappointed, he got over it. We cannot imagine life without our 3rd daughter. She is my husband's buddy. We both would love to be blessed with a boy and I will be praying and swaying with my next pregnancy. It most likely will be our last child. Time truly heals all wounds. Your hubby will fall in love with her the minute he sets eyes on her.

[missmegrn]

Bug hugs to you! Hopefully his feelings of anger and disappointment will be over soon so you both can move on, heal, and enjoy your pregnancy. I too was in your position after we found out dd2 was a girl. After dd1 was born, dh was one and done for a while, even though we had always wanted 2 or 3. I finally convinced him ttc #2, in hopes that a boy would be coming our way. We got pg the first month we tried and he was ok with it. We found out at an early gender scan at 16 weeks that we were having another girl. I was crushed, stayed silent the whole hour drive back home. He didn't say much either. We really didn't speak to each other but a few words here and there for a few days after we found out. After a few days, we got into an argument about something, and he threw it in my face that is was my fault that we were pg and we were having a girl. Like your story, if said if he knew that dc#2 was going to be a girl he would have been one and done for sure. Not only did that argument make things very awkward and elevate tensions, it also fueled my gd even more. For a few weeks it was rough in our house, not only was I upset because I felt like dd2 was unwanted but I also was sad dd2 wasn't a boy. However, at my 20 week us, it was found I had a 2 vessel cord, and confirmed with a f/u us at 21 weeks. I was placed as somewhat high risk as a two vessel cord can come with birth defects, iugr, and can increase risk for fetal demise. Thankfully, everything turned out ok, but from that moment on our focus was to have a healthy child and not what gender.

To this day, I still long and ache for a son, feelings that my dh cannot totally understand but he also feels as well. I love dd2 to pieces and I couldn't imagine our family without her. Of course, now that dh is 100% on board with ttc #3 we are having a really really hard time getting pg.

Keep your head up and hopefully everything will cool down in a little while.