My last chance gone - feel so inadequate :(

[JenB17]

Hi Ladies,

Sorry for this hugely massive and ridiculous post – I just need to get some things off my chest. Sounds so silly as I am blessed with some fab friends and family, yet I don’t feel I can talk to them about this and it makes me feel so alone. I do have one friend going through exactly the same thing as she is pregnant with her 4th boy – but I don’t always know if it’s appropriate to talk to her about how crappy I feel when she is trying her best to get through any GD she might be having.

Anyway, here goes:
I am Mummy of two gorgeous boys and I love them dearly. I made some fab friends in my anti-natal class when pregnant with DS1 and we all had boys in the same month which was awesome! Then we all got pregnant for our second DC and I am not joking when I say that every one of them had a girl, except me. When we found out with DS2 I did suffer GD. Luckily DH appeared to be understand and said we could try for DC3 down the line. As it happens (like in most scenarios) DS2 is the light of my life. Our family wouldn’t be the same without him and he reminds me every day how guilty I feel/felt for my GD.
I then find this site and spend the next 18months reading and studying and planning the world of swaying. In between I miscarry with an unplanned pregnancy – can’t help but now feel that was my girl and that maybe I didn’t deserve her or I can’t carry girls. I decided to go back on the pill until I was ready for my sway.

About 6months or so later I then start with LE diet and begin my sway plan. I didn’t want a ‘perfect’ sway as that would encourage my Martha side far too much, so I basically decided to concentrate on a few elements – mainly exercise and diet. I am already vegetarian and I worked hard to make the diet work. I joined the other girls on the exercise board and did the best I could. I work nights so was unable to fit in the recommended amount of exercise but I tried to do what I could. It was taking me so long for my body to sort itself out after coming off the pill that I don’t think I was ovulating. By now I have been on the diet (trying ish with the exercise) for about 18weeks and Xmas is here. I start relaxing on all counts where I am getting fed up and snacking a lot!! You can guess what happened next – BFP!!!
From day 1 I just knew it was another boy – really strong gut feeling which has never left. I always said to DH that after we found out the sex of DS2 and I had GD, I was adamant I didn’t want to know for our third and final. My last pregnancy and I want to enjoy it without and guilt/disappointment. So team green we are. Well, except that I just KNOW in my heart of hearts that this is another boy. EVERYTHING that could possibly suggest boy is saying just that from pregnancy symptoms, to every old wives tale going, to the nub theory etc. Plus, not one member of my family or friends thinks it might be a girl. I just wanted to have a little hope – but there isn’t any.

The anxiety is killing me/keeping me up at night etc – knowing that I won’t ever have a DD. I am such a determined control freak; a complete and total Martha type. I usually get what I want, but not because I am spoilt or selfish, but because I work damn hard to achieve it. But not having a daughter is one of the few things I can’t control and I am so sad.

I know I will love this little lad as I do my others. It is totally not about how many boys (boys are fab!) but about not having a daughter. I am sure it will get easier, but it didn’t after DS2. I just knew with him I had one last shot, so I focused on swaying. Now I have no more cards to play. I absolutely don’t want 4x children as it’s not the best thing for our family.

Of course, these are the times where everyone around me is having girls or already has a perfect pigeon pair. Of course my sis had a daughter – which I knew would be a girl as soon as she announced her pregnancy and all the other exercise swayers are having girls (I am so chuffed for them) but again, its me being the only one yet again having that only boy!

I find it so hard to be around them – but seeing as the majority of people I know (ok, all except 1x friend!!) have a mix of gender, it makes me feel so inadequate that I can’t have both, that I am not made to have both and I am not lucky enough to have both. All DH side is boys and I so wanted to give them the first granddaughter.

DH kind of gets it’s a bit, but also admitted to me that he thought I was ungrateful and selfish with the GD from DS2, so you ladies are my ‘vent machine’ – the only place I know to come where people understand.

Sorry again for the huge essay - -I have a bad habit of explaining every detail, lol! Thanks so much for reading though, it really means a lot.

Do you ever stop pining after the girl? 

[covered in blue]

Oh I'm sorry Jen . It's so hard isn't it! I think most of us know exactly how you feel and honestly I don't know how to get over it. I was adamant we were done at 3 too for a while but now we are going back again because I just can't give up . I wish no one ever had to feel like this!
Anyway can you go and get a scan done? I think it will help you to know for sure what the sex is, see it with your own eyes and get some 3d pictures of your baby. Then you can buy a few new lovely things for them and start looking forward. I started knitting when in my darkest days and made a couple of little blue cardies. That helped a lot. By the time DS3 was born I was completely in love with him and had nothing but excitement and I'm sure you will get there too. It's definitely a grieving process and it takes time.

[sweetdream]

Do I understand your baby isn't Born yet?
You still have a chance at a girl! Or did you find out.
Don't get it.

Do get the feeling though! It happend to me 3times. Everyone getting girls. But love my boys!

[Rinny101]

Hi Jen, I feeling your pain to some extend. My hardcore sway failed and I am currently 25 weeks pregnant with DS2, and there are people everywhere around me having pigeon pairs without even swaying!

My sister is one of them, bless her though she was very supportive and let me cry for days with this one. But I must say her first pregnancy resulted in a boy, and her second was an oops pregnancy (when her DS was only 11 months old) resulted in a girl, although she and everyone else was convinced she was carrying a boy and we were all shocked when she gave birth to a baby girl

So there still hope that this could be your girl!

[JenB17]

Thanks ladies - I have to say that just having written my feelings down has helped loads. Sweetdream - you are right, I haven't 'officially' found out yet, but honestly, there is absolutely nothing to even suggest I have a chance at girl. Boy nub, boy heartbeat, no morning sickness again - even the sonographer said 'he's a wiggler' when we asked not to know. I guess there is always a chance - but you know when your gut feeling is just sooo strong?
I have become totally obsessed with it all and its stupid, coz I know the outcome, lol!
I know one he is here all will be fine (for a while at least, lol!). Like I said its not the having another boy, its the not having a daughter.
Anyway, I have decided to plough on with getting ready for his arrival. Sorting clothes, buying a few new and preparing the nursery. Its exciting!
Thanks for all your support ladies, as always. I really love this site and that no one gets judged (have seen it on some other sites!), but everyone here is so lovely and understanding.
Nice to know im not alone.
Thanks again xx

[hotdogz&boyz]

I just have hugs because I know it must be hard to be in that place. I hope that the baby, boy or girl, steals your heart immediately and it erases whatever lingering sadness you might have had.

(That said, I don't, for one second believe you are out of the game yet. I KNEW my third was a third boy. Gut was screaming it. And guess what....she isn't a boy at all. Plus, all techs, in my knowledge, use the masculine diminutive to refer to baby as it distinguishes them from mom. Mine have done it even after knowing it was a girl and telling me.)

[Kittybear]

Hi Hun, I still think you have a fair chance of having a girl; all my symptoms and old wives tales pointed at girl (even the MW said 'ohh I think it's a girl') and here I am preggie with DS2
With regards to finding out the gender, I always would, however you have to ask yourself what is worst; torturing yourself about the 'what if' and potentially getting your DD at the end and regretting not enjoying your pregnancy or potentially knowing that you are expecting DS3...
Good luck Hun, sending hugs xxx

[sweetdream]

Tech uses the He form cause foetus (is a male word)
I know the gut feeling. Had it with DS1.
Big hug from me and FX that it is your DD!

[JenB17]

Ladies I just can't thank you enough for your advice, comfort and support. Really appreciate it.

It does make you feel horrible all this GD stuff and it makes me feel so guilty. I know baby is going to melt me know matter what and will complete our family and that is what's important.

I shall update you in Sep xxx

[The Anchor]

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way Jen, I hope you are able to find peace somehow.

If it helps at all...I KNEW my first was a boy. Knew it with all my heart. Enter my DD. AND my u/s tech also referred to "his" thumb in his month. She is 100% all girl. So it's not official until bub pops out into the world, where you'll smother him/her with motherly love no matter what is between the legs. HUGS to you.