When do you say 'enough is enough' ??

[1+2+3boys]

It really is a hard one. I really want to be done with my three because I find three challenging enough and really want more time for myself in life and here I am fantasising about one more child. I wish that I could be done but I want a girl too and know without doubt that I only want another child to have a girl. I could only go into this parenting a baby and toddler thing again plus the work of one more child if I were garunteed that girl as much as I would love the next boy too. But then would I want another and another until I got her? I know it would not be fair on myself or the boys I have now. I don't get clucky any more at baby girls, it is toddler and school aged girls who catch my eye. Who knows, I may feel different in a few years but I don't want to have any regrets. This is why I have my heart set on HT even though I am not 100% for it ethically. I feel like what other choice do I have though?
We can not afford it but will find a way to make it happen and think more that we actually can't afford not to if you know what I mean.
Kids are so expensive. When they are all highschool age and older the money we spent on HT will seem alot smaller compared to all the other money we spend on the kids. Now that I know that HT exists I feel like I have a responibility to persue it due to my strong feelings around wanting a girl. But if I had never heard of it I would be swaying for sure and would want it to be my last child no matter what but if it were a boy then could I stop? I was a tomboy and love having lots of boys and think it would be easier not having a girl without being constantly reminded that I have 'All boys! OMG poor you" by so many dumb asses. Then I worry if what if I had left over XXs if I did do HT, I think I would feel like I should give my girl a Sister. I'd be so lucky to be in that situation though.

I'd like to get a move on in the next two years though. I am only 26 but DP is 42 and I don't want him to be too old to not be able to be around long enough for her if we do get her. The Men in his family don't have the highest number that they get to

[motherofboys]

That's why I don't want to wait if we go for another. Dh is 46. He says it doesn't bother him and he'd wait a few years just to enjoy ds4 more.
I truly feel I could be done when I don't think of the gender thing.
It's funny but the thing that makes me broody most is photos of my own boys as baby's.
I'm ready for the next stage if parenting, but so scared to move on and then regret it


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[motherofboys]

I finally spoke to dh, he doesn't think that I should say completely no more ever. He likes the idea of a bigger gap but he did anyway.
I think I'm going back to waiting. Another isn't completely off the table but I am going to go on the pill (which I haven't been on since 2005) and I'm going to get on with life as if that's it. But the knowledge that if I change my mind in the future I have the option of another, and can sway.


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[hotdogz&boyz]

^^I think this is an ideal solution for the moment. And it's the one we will be making once this fourth comes in Feb-March as well. I am getting a copper IUD, with the knowledge that I can have it removed at any time and we can have another child if we decide its best for our family. And if not. We are good with the ones we have.

I do want to say to those who comment on the comments people make...despite what you might think, it doesn't stop after you get that "coveted opposite." It was one of the biggest surprises this pregnancy. You figure, I have two boys and a girl...I'd think that folks would express nothing but congrats (or shock, depending on their feeling about big families). But I get gender comments every.single.day. Apparently the only family worth having is one that is completely balanced. Much like I got the "we hope it's a girl" comments with #3, I get the "I hope your daughter gets a sister" or "I hope it's a girl to even things out" or "Wow, what will you do if it's another boy?" Literally constantly. Even from family, who knows we have no particular preference. And, also bizarrely, it bothers me just as much as it did when I was hoping myself and might nave had GD if #3 was a boy. I thought it wouldn't bother me, since it's not like I care that much. But it's just so irritating. I did just want to toss that out there. That it doesn't necessarily stop. I have a friend who is having a girl after three boys and despite the fact that her pregnancy wasn't planned (they were done), she always gets "Oh, you finally got a girl. I bet you can be done now." Which is irritating to her since a.) they weren't trying for a girl at all...or any child for that matter and b.) they were "done" before this child entered the picture, so they aren't stopping just because its a girl. Honestly, I have learned so much from this website. Any time anyone announces a pregnancy and/or gender...I have learned to say "Big congrats to you! I am so happy for you." And stop right there. No comments on planning vs. not, no comments on gender. No comments that could be taken the wrong way. I hope I save a hurt feeling or two along the way. Cause other people certainly say enough hurtful things to make up for it.

[motherofboys]

It's so funny you should say that. I knew people would say "you finally got a girl" and I wanted a girl 4th followed by a boy 5th. Mainly because I love the idea of the youngest being a boy and mummy's little boy. But also because I thought it would stop people from thinking i had just kept going to get a girl. Then I realised they would think that the last one was a shot at another girl as a sister for the other one and think I'd 'failed' again.
I think people shouldn't be commenting on other people's family make up anyway, but really we need to try to not let it bother us. People have always got something to say no matter what you do.


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[Magical22]

Yeah my friend has a pigeon pair and when she got pregnant with her third everyone asked why she would have a third when she already has one of each. Umm because I want another child....

Guess you can't win


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[pink_bean]

My husband said enough after 2 boys. I think that's why I was so desperate for my second to be a girl.

[Magical22]

My husband said enough after 2 boys. I think that's why I was so desperate for my second to be a girl.

Dh doesn't want more then the two boys we have. He's coming around to a third but I feel very alone in the decision sooo much pressure to have a girl.


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[motherofboys]

That must be hard. After we found out our 4th was a boy dh said no more for a while. He was convinced he couldn't make girls so what was the point in trying just to be upset again. It's been such an emotional roller coaster. I feel comforted knowing the options always there if I want to take it but for now I'm happy. I guess that's all I can ask, to be happy with whatever I have


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[lemonade]

I wonder if the comments are as bad if you're a mom of two or more girls? It seems like everyone wants boy moms to have girls. Does it go the other way too, or are we just the "unlucky" ones?

(Funny I have to even type that, because I certainly don't feel unlucky with my adorable little guys. People are insane.)