When do you say 'enough is enough' ??

[1+2+3boys]

I know what you mean. There is twice as much on offer for girls than boys.
My boys do share some of my interests but because I'm a tomboy so it's more that I like what they like. There are some things I like they won't go near though.

I think I have almost completely gotten over this one. I have finally found that most of the reasons I wanted my girl can be found in my sons if I look hard or make it happen. My twins (and sometimes DS1) could be the best dressed boys in town. I know there is a great chance that I will never get to do the pretty dress thing so I making the most of dressing them up just in case. I look for really different things like on unique boutique websites and I have started to make some things. I love dapper lad stuff too and I am lucky that my MIL sends the cutest and most smartest shirts from Germany. They are not tacky like many boys shirts, they are like mini business man shirts! I have heaps of braces and bowties. It is expensive and hard to find but has been worth it and helped with GD a bit. They certainly are not outshined by a gorgeous dress. I still wish I could use lace though! One day I would love to have a collection and only make boys or unisex clothes.

[LacePrincess]

Well just because a child is a girl certainly doesn't guarantee a close mother/daughter relationship. Relationships are what you make them.

I mean just look at me and my sister. My family was so dysfunctional that we were miserable for most of our lives, and my mother wrecked our relationships to the point where neither me nor my sister speak to my parents or each other anymore. It's sad but there's just too much damage to repair. (Google children of narcissistic mothers if curious).

So there's no guarantees of a fairytale ending just due to the gender of the baby.

[LacePrincess]

123, that's awesome!! I will definitely make a lot more effort to source out adorable boy outfits if I have another boy. I adore peacoats and Victorian era baby boy outfits, they knew how to make their little lads stylish for sure.

I couldn't justify extra expense with DS2 or DS3, but now that the clothes have been through 2-3 kids everything's worn out anyways so I definitely am justified buying a lot of new stuff.

[motherofboys]

I like the clothes my boys wear but always preferred boys clothes, I just wanted to do the dresses as well. I could never afford to buy more expensive things for them, even with everything still being passed down.
I prefer 'boys toys' and boys programmes. But I would like to watch the occasional girly film. The boys refuse to watch anything they deem to be a girls film. And I grew up dancing but there are no classes close enough for me to get ds3 who I think would enjoy it the most. So it's judo, karate and football which are not boy only sports but you do get so many more boys than girls at their clubs.
My relationship with my mother is awful so I never expected an instant relationship with a daughter, but I would have liked a shot at a good mother daughter relationship.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[irishgirl]

I havent spoken or seen my mother in 5 years so I know all about dysfunctional. She still thinks I have 1 child not 3! Of course mother daughter relationships are not fairytales mine certainly wasn't, I tink that is the underlying reason I'd like a girl so much. I see close frie nds relationships with their mothers and I'm really envious. I know I would try to do everything differently with my own daughter than my mother did with me. I still dont mind having another boy though my house is mental and I love it that way if I were lucky enough to have a girl ive no doubt she'd be wild!!

[LacePrincess]

irishgirl, it's a shame. I'm sorry. It took me a long time and years of therapy to be able to finally close the door. I kept trying because I thought I should (didn't really want to but thought it was the 'right' thing to do) and it just dragged out the inevitable. I wasn't really able to do the final cut for me in the end. What was the last straw was watching her repeat her poison on my kids, and seeing the cycle start to repeat, when enough was just enough.

The real pity is I won't ever have a relationship with my own sister. That one does hurt in a 'what a frigging waste' way. I tried to reconnect but my sister wasn't interested, and it's likely never going to happen. We just weren't ever raised in a household where we were nurtured to have a healthy relationship and our patterns of behaviour are just toxic towards each other.

So who knows if I'll ever have girls of my own, but if nothing else I can see my kids are truly friends with each other, not passive aggressive frenemies like me and my sister, so already at least I'm doing a better parenting job than I was raised with!!

[motherofboys]

I know that feeling. My mum and I didn't speak for years and because she didn't speak to me niether did my brothers. Now I see her once a year and have occasional Facebook birthday messages with my brothers. It makes me sadder to think of the loss of sibling relationship as we were so close growing up and she managed to manipulate them


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[irishgirl]

There are lots of dysfunctional families out there unfortunately, I have an 11 yr old brother I never see and I feel guilty about that I really do because I would have been very close to him when he was a baby up until he was 6. My other brother is very like my mother hes very bitter and although we speak its not normal sibling behavior. My mother suffers from mental health issues so cant help some of her behavior which is ironic because I'm a psychiatric nurse!! Takes all sorts!!

[LacePrincess]

motherofboys, I'm sorry about your situation too.

There are lots of dysfunctional families out there unfortunately, I have an 11 yr old brother I never see and I feel guilty about that I really do because I would have been very close to him when he was a baby up until he was 6. My other brother is very like my mother hes very bitter and although we speak its not normal sibling behavior. My mother suffers from mental health issues so cant help some of her behavior which is ironic because I'm a psychiatric nurse!! Takes all sorts!!

It's such a pity, it really is. I didn't understand what was going on until maybe 4-5 years ago, that my mom is a narcissistic personality disorder and no matter how much I want to believe that everything's fixable, sometimes things just aren't.

It is actually much harder to let go of trying to reconnect with my sister, because we will end up going through our entire lives without having any relationship at all. I sucked it up a few years ago and offered an olive branch. It was hard - it took me eating my pride to do so, but I made the attempt so I'd know I'd given it everything I could. I got rebuffed and moved on. It's really too bad but it's not enough for just me to want to fix things, it has to come from both sides.

It's been on my mind lately since for some really weird reason I keep dreaming of my parents and sister the past few weeks. I haven't talked to them for a number of years or even thought about them, so why now? All I can think of is that with ttc again, I'm feeling subconscious guilt for having cut them out of my life, and there's part of me that feels guilty at the thought of having another kid and not having my parents be a part of that. But realistically it would cause far more damage than good.

[Magical22]

I have an amazing relationships with my mum I just want the same with my daughter one day!! I love this thread I haven't even started trying for my third child and final child yet but reading this I feel like it's helping me prepare. So much pressure for a girl is overwhelming!!!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk