Blaming myself and very angry too

[Mrs.tinkerbell]

Sorry you didn't Here pink! I'm sure he will be gorgeous and your boys will be best of friends. Maybe just keep your options open for a third for now. Hope you feel better about it all soon xx

[1+2+3boys]

So sorry you aren't getting your much longed for girl. Hugs. I was in such disbelief when at 16 weeks I found out BOTH of my twins were boys. I only wanted one girl but I wanted her so bad and we only planned to have 3 kids. Having the option of one more made it so much easier to deal with. I couldn't let go and only want another to get her. A 4th boy just is not an option for me so DP has agreed to HT when we can afford it. (which could be a long way off) Is it any chance for you? It seemed like such an unlikely fantasy to start with but having a daughter is important to me so I at least have to try. THe HT ladies have taught me so much and I know will make the journey so much easier.

Buying extra special clothes (online in the boys section) helped a little, maybe you could try too

[CattyPad]

Before I found out this is another boy I said there was no way I'd have 3 children (I dislike being pregnant with a passion).
After my nub shot I said if this really was a boy there was no way I'd risk having a other boy so I'd have to go HT.
And now reality has hit me I considering swaying for a third. The problem is, we can't afford ht and time isn't in our side, I am 38!! otherwise I could try to save.
But Swaying is too risky. A third boy would send me over the edge. (I am already balancing on that edge as we speak).
My main problem is one that has no solution: I don't want three kids, and I don't want two boys. I know. Ridiculous now.

[1+2+3boys]

Sorry to hear this. It is such an impossibly difficult situation some times. We can not afford HT and I really don't want any more children because I am going over the edge with what I can handle with three but I do have the luxury of time. I really hope you can come to peace whatever happens. It is always harder when pregnant too, especially since you say you don't do pregnancy well. I'm not one of those ladies who can string a sonet out of thin air to make others feel much better but remember we are all here to listen to you and you can vent as much as you like on this forem of understanding ladies

[CattyPad]

Thank you 123, I appreciate your reply, and all the support in this forum. You guys know exactly how I feel.

Will this pain ease? Will I stop thinking horrible things?

My husband doesn't understand me. He Is worried this pain and anger is consuming me.

[Kittybear]

I can assure you that you WILL be ok and you will love this new little guy. Please trust me.

My GD during my DS2 pregnancy was practically unbearable. I couldn't even think beyond the end of it (his birth and arrival) as I was so scared.

That was 4 months ago, and now I cannot imagine any existence that does not involve him. He is amazing. So like his big brother, and yet so much himself. Yes he is a boy but he is still 50% me. I knew his soul the second I held him in my arms. He has healed me.

I cannot say that I do not want a daughter anymore (I still hope to have 1 some day) but the GD is not as all consuming as before. My children happen to be boys; if anyone thinks badly of me or them because of their gender, then they are damn fools.

Give yourself time to grieve the girl that your new son is not; that is not the same as not loving him, and you will, and he will amaze you every day. Your sons will be so thankful to their mama for giving them each other.

Xx

[Magical22]

I have two boys they are so adorable and so different I wouldn't swap them for anything! I think having two boys is great you are giving your son a brother someone who he can rely on when he is older they will be best mates for sure. I have a sister and I'm so much closer to her then my brother and my husband is so much closer to his brothers then his sister. If your son had a choice I think he would choose to have a brother on the way

I feel sorry for pigeon pairs they will never understand the love of a sister and sister and the brother in arms of a brother and brother! No on will have your sons back more then your other son and when your not around and they are at school or out clubbing when they older its good to know that!

I might not have a princess but in my family its me


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[amo]

Hugs! I really feel for you, I have good days and bad days, some days it's all I can think of and some days I'm ok with it. I try not to talk about it to be honest as it doesn't help me, even with the very few people who understand, it just hurts to talk about it. Shopping doesn't help me either, I think it's still too soon.
The only thing that helped was talking to DH and knowing number 3 is on the table for the future and possibly even HT if we can. We may not do it but knowing we could has eased the pain.
Another thing that's helped is baby has become very very active and feeling him moving and kicking makes me realise he's my baby and I'm really eager to meet him now.
xxx

[lemonade]

CattyPad, I know how you're feeling. I was just starting a "girl sway" but fell pregnant out of carelessness just two weeks into it. I knew right away it was a huge mistake and hoped I wasn't actually pregnant. I was. My first trimester was miserable. I was NOT ready to be pregnant again so soon. The only thing that would make it worth it was if it was finally the daughter I always dreamed of. So of course that was all I could think/worry about for my entire first trimester. It didn't help when I learned that everyone, including some strangers, also suddenly seemed to care about my baby being a girl too. So the pressure was suddenly both internal and external.

I paid for a private early scan because I couldn't bear not knowing anymore and sure enough it was another boy. The combination of hormones and GD drove me into prenatal depression. It got slightly better after the first trimester.

Seeing him on a 4D ultrasound in my third trimester did help a great deal because he became a real baby to me, not just an abstract concept. I loved staring at his squishy baby face and daydreaming about him being here.

But what helped most of all was simply not being pregnant anymore. Once he was here I fell in love and he was no longer just "another boy"... he was MY brand new baby, so tiny in my arms. (It's easy to forget just how precious and helpless newborns are.) I think it's pretty safe to say he was worth it, because he is absolutely adorable, much more of a mama's boy than my first, and loves to cuddle. And bonus: my son now has a brother now to play with (and keep each other busy), and I kind of think it's adorable to have a "matching set". You can't see it now, but it's so much different when they're actually here.

[CattyPad]

Thank you all for your replies. It means a lot to me.
I am sat here in tears reading them, you all understand it all so well because you have gone through it. And it gives me hope.
This is so so hard. I guess I won't get better until he's born, right now I am numb and so not interested in this pregnancy.
I am dreading 20 more weeks of this.

Do you know what makes it worse? I keep reading in GD forums "it's not that I don't want this boy, I just mourn not having a girl". I only ever wanted two girls. Then after having my DS I became excited about having one of each. Now I am just devastated. And i probably sound like a monster for saying that.