Please help me deal with gender disappointment

[dove_love]

I had got pregnant trying for a girl, but really just wanting a baby. The first 13 weeks were spent thinking a girl would be lovely as I have a little man but another little man like mine would be lovely also.
And then my 13 week scan.. The next 3 weeks spent obsessing over gender, convincing myself this was a girl because I THOUGHT i could see a girlie nub, and because I have hypermesis gravidarum which I didn't with my boy, so how could it possibly be another boy right? No matter how hard I had tried not to (which was very hard) I had allowed myself to imagine this girl, look at girls clothes, even hint to people that we would like a girl. Family had all expressed how much they all hoped for a girl.
Well of course after my scan this morning we find out I am having a boy. I saw within moments of her looking and then had to sit there for another 20minutes because baby crossed his legs and she wanted to be sure before she told us. My son and partner were there, my son over the moon about having a baby brother and I spent the whole time fighting back tears, feeling like I was either going to be sick or pass out. I couldn't look at my partner, the sonographer, anyone. I got out, put my sunglasses on and the tears just flowed. My partner turned to me and said why are you crying? I just sobbed because I've let everyone down. He of course said I'd let nobody down, and despite the fact I know he was hoping for a girl, he claimed to be happy with having a boy. I explained I am not upset that this baby is a boy, I am upset I will never have that girl I longed for so much. He seems to understand and gently said even if we kept trying we may just be one of those people who keep having boys.
He is being lovely and every time I think I have calmed myself, I feel a tear trickle down my cheek again. Now he has gone to work and I am left with my son, trying to be brave and feeling awful.
I feel so ungrateful!! So many people around me are struggling to have babies and I am crying over this!! I know I will love this baby, but how do I get past not having the girl? Sorry for writing so much, I always thought I would be ok, I want to be ok!
Please help me ladies.

[Mulberry Smurf]

I remember this feeling well, and whilst it absolutely sucks, it does get better. But the only thing that improves it is time, I am afraid. And also meeting the little man who will steal your heart! Big hugs. Let yourself mourn the loss of your 'baby girl' and in time you will heal. Is this definitely final baby? xx

[dove_love]

Thank you Mulberry, it's nice just knowing I'm not alone. I think we could have another, but I don't think I would be able to put myself through the hope of having a girl to have to deal with losing that dream again, if that makes sense. X

[BrightSky]

Dove_love I spent the early part of my pregnancy wishing and hoping for a girl and when I found out he was a he I was upset, seems like a lifetime ago.. now I can't imagine it any other way. I don't think two of a kind means you are set for only boys if you do decide to go for another. There is always ht if you want a guarantee? Either way you will have a beautiful new baby soon and you never know what's going to happen in the future xx

[covered in blue]

Big hugs xxxxxx

[Adia]

Hang in there, for those of us who have weathered that storm we can PROMISE it gets better with time.
Once that baby is here you will be able to separate your love for that little man with your desire for a girl. Being pregnant makes the disappointment multiply a lot!

[pink_bean]

Your story mirrors my own to a T and let me tell you it does get better. But it will take time. Pregnancy and post partum are the hardest, I believe. My advice would be mourn the loss and then go through the motions of getting excited for a new baby and you will become excited as time goes on. Everyone is different but a lot of the work is trying to control our thoughts and what we are exposed to. It's hard but try to avoid baby girl clothes, buy your baby all new things if that makes you feel better. I did that and it helped me get excited. Also preparing for the birth and just anything I wanted to do differently the second time regarding all things baby.

I will not lie to you and say your desire for a daughter will go away but you will fall in love with your baby and your disappointment will fade in time. I still want a girl but I am in a much better place than I was after that 20 week scan. Take good care of yourself and try to enjoy your pregnancy. Especially if you think it may be your last.

[atomic sagebrush]

I remember that moment only too well, also got pg with my 3rd without any strong gender preference and let symptoms and OWT talk me into believing I was having a girl and when I heard boy at the ultrasound, it felt as if he had "killed" her. (sorry for strong wording but that was exactly how I felt) It took a few weeks but I "faked it until I made it " and did end up feeling a lot better by the time the baby was born and he is my most beautiful child and my husband's favorite. Huge ((((hugs)))) and wishing you peace.

[dove_love]

Thank you so much everybody, my lovely partner keeps saying it doesn't have to be our last, which is helping just because it leaves that small glimmer of hope. I told a few people today it was a little man and acted happy and everybody hugged me and was so happy except one person who said "oh...well never mind hey!" and this is someone I don't even know as well. I just thought hold on, how dare you be disappointed for this baby boy when you have no idea if I am even disappointed!!
It's so comforting seeing you ladies who have made it to the other side, and I love the fake it til you make it motto, I will be doing that!
Thank you so much for giving me a safe haven I can come and express my true feelings without fear of judgement and for all your lovely words of support xxx

[pink_bean]

Thank you so much everybody, my lovely partner keeps saying it doesn't have to be our last, which is helping just because it leaves that small glimmer of hope. I told a few people today it was a little man and acted happy and everybody hugged me and was so happy except one person who said "oh...well never mind hey!" and this is someone I don't even know as well. I just thought hold on, how dare you be disappointed for this baby boy when you have no idea if I am even disappointed!!
It's so comforting seeing you ladies who have made it to the other side, and I love the fake it til you make it motto, I will be doing that!
Thank you so much for giving me a safe haven I can come and express my true feelings without fear of judgement and for all your lovely words of support xxx

Unfortunately people can be rude. I think even if we feel disappointed we still love our babies and don't want other people expressing disappointment. You may still have a daughter someday so don't give up hope. I will say the bond my little boys have is a beautiful thing to see. I also am so in love with my baby boy, I believe you will feel that way, too. Vent here whenever you need to! Wishing you all the best.