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February 3rd, 2016, 04:03 PM
#21
I was afraid of that also. But I have to say, my boys do love coloring and baking. They love crafting...one of their favorite things is to go to Michael's with me! Don't get me wrong, they love the boy stuff too...there are a lot of sword fights and wrestling matches and spider hunts around my house. But they also LOVE to go through my jewelry box and try stuff on! And they are sweet and sensitive. I got home from a makeover at Sephora last week and, if I do say so, they did an awesome job on my make up. I walked in the door and my precious five year old stared at me wide eyed and said, "Mummy. You look....BEEEEYOOOTIFUL!"
AUGH but I still want my girl! Someone to dress up! Gosh, I KNOW my boys would love to get their nails done...they always love watching me paint mine...but of course I can't do that.
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February 3rd, 2016, 08:29 PM
#22
Dream User
I guess I'm an opposite story. I always wanted boys. I cried when I found out my first was a girl and then was devastated when baby #2 was also a girl. I always connected better with boys growing up and all my best friends have been guys as well. I do love my daughters but I always strongly wanted a son! I feel like the mother son bond is so special!
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February 3rd, 2016, 09:41 PM
#23
I always appreciate hearing from women who want sons. I know many in real life. I really think most people want to experience both.
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February 3rd, 2016, 09:53 PM
#24
That's true pink bean. That reminds me of all the years I said "I'd love to have one of both." Which is nice to remember that when I get swallowed up in GD feelings.
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February 4th, 2016, 08:49 AM
#25
Originally Posted by
Wantanother2017
That's true pink bean. That reminds me of all the years I said "I'd love to have one of both." Which is nice to remember that when I get swallowed up in GD feelings.
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I was the same but I still kinda hoped my first woukd be a girl and was disappointed when he was not but I got over it quickly. The bad part for me was my GD came back even worse when he was born. But I had a very difficult birth and pretty sure I had ppd that I never got treated for. I also think I had a very idealized version of the perfect baby boy that I imagined and bonded with while pregnant and my real baby was nothing like the fantasy version.
My second baby I didn't let myself imagine how he mightbe and I fell in love with him for who he was right away. Don't get me wrong, I love both my children unconditionally. Motherhood and having only sons has really humbled me but also made me very strong. I would've loved to have a daughter, that was my dream although I always wanted a son, too. But I actually imagined having a daughter and even once wrote a list of everything I would do differently with my daughter than my parents had done with me.
I don't really care about sharing all the same interests with my children or getting mani/pedis or having a dress up doll, although don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with any of those things. I just wanted to raise a little girl who felt loved enough to do anything she set her mind too. Also, my husband is amazing. I never had my dad around really, it would've been nice to see the father/daughter relationship. But for whatever reason it wasn't meant to be. I din't think girls are cuter or better behaved than boys, I just wanted to experience raising a girl.
Last edited by pink_bean; February 4th, 2016 at 08:52 AM.
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February 4th, 2016, 12:04 PM
#26
Originally Posted by
pink_bean
I was the same but I still kinda hoped my first woukd be a girl and was disappointed when he was not but I got over it quickly. The bad part for me was my GD came back even worse when he was born. But I had a very difficult birth and pretty sure I had ppd that I never got treated for. I also think I had a very idealized version of the perfect baby boy that I imagined and bonded with while pregnant and my real baby was nothing like the fantasy version.
My second baby I didn't let myself imagine how he mightbe and I fell in love with him for who he was right away. Don't get me wrong, I love both my children unconditionally. Motherhood and having only sons has really humbled me but also made me very strong. I would've loved to have a daughter, that was my dream although I always wanted a son, too. But I actually imagined having a daughter and even once wrote a list of everything I would do differently with my daughter than my parents had done with me.
I don't really care about sharing all the same interests with my children or getting mani/pedis or having a dress up doll, although don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with any of those things. I just wanted to raise a little girl who felt loved enough to do anything she set her mind too. Also, my husband is amazing. I never had my dad around really, it would've been nice to see the father/daughter relationship. But for whatever reason it wasn't meant to be. I din't think girls are cuter or better behaved than boys, I just wanted to experience raising a girl.
I totally feel ya. I always thought I wanted a boy first but when the sonogram day came I felt utter disappointment and shame for my feelings. The more I reflect I realize that my extremely difficult childhood (our father was very abusive) has made me desire to "redo" everything through my future daughter. Maybe thats why I haven't had a little girl, maybe it's healthier to have little boys that I won't be living my fantasy childhood though? Either way, I have a wonderful husband and father figure to my children and I would love, love for a daughter to be able to give that too. I am thrilled that my son has that as well.
I can't say how cathartic this forum has been since I recently discovered it. I honestly believe just simply being able to air out these thoughts that I've been keeping inside for so long has relieved so much pressure. I don't feel as guilty feeling this way and already and I'm able to look at these feelings objectively and for the first time ever not punish myself inside every day. It's given me more confidence in my love for my son and a self acceptance that I was not allowing myself to have since experiencing GD. I'm so grateful for you ladies.
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February 4th, 2016, 06:58 PM
#27
Very interesting discussion. Funny how we are all different in our desires....I wanted a boy first and got a girl instead. I love her to bits, but struggled to bond with her . But we so close now. She's a daddy's girl and I love how my DH is committed to her and so protective of her, she's 13 now. I still want my boy, . Have almost always thought there's something special about women who have boys only. Whilst I love my dd I would not have minded having boys only. Always wanted two children, and two boys would have been ideal for me. I'm pregnant now with possibly a boy, and very anxious it might not be. Just cannot believe it and preparing to hear girl again. When I found out about this whole GD I could not believe there were some mothers who could be disappointed to have only boys. I have learnt a lot and now understand how we all different.I love boys....they are just too cute.
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February 5th, 2016, 04:07 PM
#28
I always wanted 1-2 sons and just imagined myself as a boy mom. I think little toddler boys in cargo shorts and t-shirt are the cutest thing! Having grown up with brothers and helped raised my 3 nephews, I can say boys tend to be easy going and transparent, I don't have to worry about them hiding feelings or blowing up later.
Also, I absolutely adore DH and want a little him! I want mini version of DH who is just happy go-lucky.
I'm pregnant now with my first, a girl. I never thought I would suffer such extreme gender disappointment with this pregnancy. When we were TTC, I thought I would be fine with any gender, although I had a preference for a boy. I'm almost 18 weeks along (known the gender for a month), and everyday I have to actively try to think positively. For the first 3 weeks I cried every day, and had some dark dark thoughts the pregnancy which spiraled into severe depression.
I'm now in therapy to help with my gender disappointment/prenatal depression. I've read countless threads and have received advice from people on how great it is to have a daughter, but deep down in my heart I just want my son. It does not make sense and I can't describe the emptiness. Many posters have shared their GD went away once they held their baby. I really hope that's true!
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February 6th, 2016, 12:09 PM
#29
Big Dreamer
I have to disagree to a certain extent. As a mum to 3 boys oldest is almost 6 and have a stillborn baby girl who should be 3 now I see mums of girls who I get so jealous of, but after talking to them it turns out they are jealous of me because they would love a boy.
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February 7th, 2016, 10:36 PM
#30
I do believe that when you want something SO BADLY you can become so sensitized that you feel as though you see it everywhere. I.e. Women who suffer with infertility often feel as though they see pregnant women everywhere they go. I'm sure there is a pet of this in my observations. However, being a labor and delivery nurse, it is a veryyy common thing to talk with patients about their desire to "try" again for a daughter. I can count on one hand the opposite. And doing a simple Google search on Gender Disappointment will yield mainly pictures of a woman with 3 boys on her hip, blogs like "Life without ribbons", etc..
If feels so nice to hear someone say they can relate to the way I feel, but for a son! GD can be so isolating sometimes. It's refreshing to be able to just get it out!
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Would love a nub expert to take...