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June 24th, 2016, 10:57 AM
#41
That breaks my heart! My hubby's parents feel the same about their dd and ds's. They only make an effort for her they will tell me they will only visit us if they get to see their dd if not it's a waste of time! We have kids and she doesn't!
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June 24th, 2016, 11:15 AM
#42
Originally Posted by
Traci25
Thank you so much for replying. I feel so alone! I just wish I never got pregnant. I know it's horrible. I wanna wake up and it's all a dream. This sweet innocent baby. I just don't want to raise another son. It's hard. I hate feeling this way. It should be a blessing. I don't want to go thru it all again. I see a little girl and think I can't have that bond. My boys love my dh. They just want boy time.
Don't feel guilty for feeling the way you do, feelings are just feelings and there is nothing wrong or shameful in feeling a certain way. I also have two boys and am pregnant with the third who is I think another boy.... Long story but had two different gender blood results the boy result is probably the more accurate. I feel exactly the same way you do.... I avoid all conversations about what I'm having and haven't even told half my family I'm 4 months pregnant until I find out because I want to avoid all that bet you want a girl speech. Feel free to pm me anytime as I really feel for you. I thought I may miscarry a few weeks ago and although I was gutted it did cross my mind miscarriages sway pink. I felt shitty for even thinking it
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June 25th, 2016, 11:10 PM
#43
Dream Vet
I just had to reply to this thread because I felt exactly the same way when I was pregnant with my 3rd boy. It was SO hard to convince dh to have a 3rd child—we honestly almost split up over it. At the time he was for sure our last baby. And when I found out it was a boy, all I could do was cry. I felt the same way you ladies do—didn't want him, wished I'd never gotten pregnant, etc. And then felt horribly guilty for feeling that way. I hated shopping for baby clothes, hated envisioning more boy stuff in the house, hated the whole thing. Nothing anyone said made me feel better. All that helped was time. Seeing him and holding him in my arms was wonderful and made some of the gd melt away. But I'll be honest that I didn't bond as closely with him right away as I did with my other sons. With them, I could just enjoy my baby for who he was. With the third, every time I looked at him of course I saw my son that I loved but I also saw the girl I'd never have. So there was that sadness and regret for a long time. I didn't love him less than my other two, it was just harder because he represented a loss as well. And I felt TONS of guilt for feeling that way!
My 3rd son is four now. Last year he was diagnosed as autistic, which took the guilt and disappointment (not in him) factors to a whole new place. Knowing he may never speak, may never live independently, may never do all the "boy" things that I had dreaded has done a 180 on my way of thinking about him. And really in my heart made me grateful for every moment we have together. Every hug or smile I get is so precious now. I am closer with him than any of my kids, and he really is my "happy spot" in life.
Anyway—IMHO, it's completely valid to feel how you are right now. It does not make you a monster. Lots of really good, loving mothers have felt the same way. You may some day stop wishing you had a girl, and you may not, but you for sure will stop resenting or regretting your son. I know that probably doesn't help the GD right now, but at least know it won't last forever!
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Hoping for my girl to stay sticky!!
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June 25th, 2016, 11:57 PM
#44
I know exactly how you feel!! I hate talking about it, I dress apno don't look pregnant. I hater hearing you poor
Thing, wow or ugh! I wish the best for you. I hadn't felt him move in 4 days and I was relieved I know it's horrible as well. I feel him now. Inwish I could go back in time. I wish I could give you advice or hope. How do you pm? Id love to chat. I have to fake it very day in person. It's nice being able to say what I feel!
Hope. How do you
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June 26th, 2016, 12:03 AM
#45
Wow your story is amazing. I hope that he does all those joy things. Those are aome great points and i feel better and not so guilty about my feelings. Thank you for sharing. I don't know if I can do this all again and i so scared of autism and I know boys are way more likely. I'm nervous i can't handle it all. He may be great and healthy I just wish I felt like my other pregnancies
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June 26th, 2016, 03:04 AM
#46
Can I join please. Found out yesterday I'm expecting DS3. My husband has been lovely and said we can go PGD for a fourth but I really don't want 4 kids and I don't think I could go through the heartache ogit not working.
We have been through a fair amount of tough times and I really thought maybe this would be our turn to have the happiness of hearing it's a girl. Nope I will never hear that. I will never leave a scan feeling joy, only heartache. The tech said to me 'happy shopping' on the way out, I was like yeah right. I'm sick of boy stuff. I'd like to think that buying some boy outfits may help me feel better but where there are boy things there are girl things and I can't face that.
One of my boys also has autism and it has been awful hard work. We have spent many months isolated to the house as we can't manage them going out. Now I have added to that problem and DS3 has a ten fold increased risk of autism too.
Why me. Was it not my my turn.
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June 26th, 2016, 11:39 PM
#47
Wow honey I'm soo sorry. I wish you had different news. Your not alone and if you need to vent please do so. I wish it was getting better for me but it's not. I've heard from others it does though.
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June 27th, 2016, 01:08 AM
#48
As a mother of 3 boys (15,13 and 3) I can tell you I have never looked at any of them and wish they were a girl, I cried with DS2 when I found out he was a boy and that was it, with DS3 I had a feeling he was a boy, I know in my heart wanted a girl but I was happy and the only thing that I couldn't handle were people comments, to this day the one thing I'm afraid of now that I'm swaying for number 4 is to be pregnant with another boy and have to deal with comments. Boys are super fun, I feel so blessed with them, mine love shopping and clothes and now days you can get all kind of cool stuff.
Boys are a blessing, my two oldest are teenagers now and We are very close. You will never stop wanting a girl but you will love and accept your next boy, you will love him so much!!! My third boy is the best thing that ever happened to me
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June 27th, 2016, 06:04 AM
#49
3 beautiful
& now pregnant with a baby girl due June 2017
Thank you everyone in this site and in particular Atomic for amazing support during
my sway. I am for ever grateful.
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July 5th, 2016, 04:46 PM
#50
A few years ago I heard that I was having a DS3. I really had hope that this one would finally be a girl (I had hoped for a girl every pregnancy). I was absolutely devastated. I didn't want to be pregnant anymore, I wanted the baby to just disappear. I hated feeling him kicking inside, I couldn't sleep, I cried and cried, it was horrible. It took me a few weeks to start feeling a bit better and then the next months to come to terms with it. By the time he was born I was used to the idea and I loved him so much when he was born. I felt that having him added so much love to our family.
Fast forward 3 years and this little boy is the most wonderful little child, very loving, cuddly, fun and easy going. I cannot imagine that I ever felt bad about him. And when I was pregnant I couldn't imagine ever feeling good about him. But here we are and he is wonderful. I agree, having 2 children is easier, but adding a third to the dynamic was just great for us.
Things will be ok in the end.
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