Found out we're having our third boy

[2xblue]

Hi ladies! Thank you for your comments and stories. They mean so much to me.I haven't read this thread I started for awhile. I've been trying to focus on other things. I'm now 30 weeks pregnant and some days I've been feeling ok about the baby being a boy but then something triggers my GD. Like when I see my friends with they're little girls or when I'm at the park with my boys and see someone I know just had a baby and it's of course a girl after a boy. It's just so heartbreaking and I can't see myself ever getting over this. I know I will have this longing for a girl for the rest of my life. I haven't bought much baby clothes. I hate buying blue even though I love blue as a color but we already have closets full of blue clothes. The ones I have bought are neutral in color... I just can't stop looking at the baby girl clothes at stores even though I'm trying to avoid looking at them.

I'm dreaming about HT and I guess that is what keeps me surviving through this.... But I can't tell dh about it. Not yet. Maybe after this little boy is born and the newborn stage is over. But still can't see him agreeing having a 4th child. How on earth am I going to convince him to have a 4th and try HT??

[Navywife620]

Reading your post brings back so many emotions. I know exactly how you feel. I had ds3 in 2013. Things will get better. I can't say that your desire for a girl will go away. As here I am wanting to try one last time. But my love and bond with ds3 is amazing. His baby blue eyes and big smile melt my heart. Now that he's almost 3 I wouldn't trade him for a girl.

[2xblue]

I just found out I'm having my 3rd son and I'm devastated. I know it's horrible to say but envious when hear someone say they had a miscarriage. I don't want this, not these feelings. I had gd horribly with ds2 and it never went away until we ttc pink again. And it failed. I hate I didn't go for Ivf. If it never went away bf it's never going to go away. What do I do? What was I thinking? Did anyone ever get closure?

Hi Traci. I'm so sorry you are going through this aswell. It's just so hard trying to cope with gd. How many weeks are you? How are you doing now? Is there a chance you could try for a fourth child?

[2xblue]

Don't feel guilty for feeling the way you do, feelings are just feelings and there is nothing wrong or shameful in feeling a certain way. I also have two boys and am pregnant with the third who is I think another boy.... Long story but had two different gender blood results the boy result is probably the more accurate. I feel exactly the same way you do.... I avoid all conversations about what I'm having and haven't even told half my family I'm 4 months pregnant until I find out because I want to avoid all that bet you want a girl speech. Feel free to pm me anytime as I really feel for you. I thought I may miscarry a few weeks ago and although I was gutted it did cross my mind miscarriages sway pink. I felt shitty for even thinking it

What kind of blood test did you have? Are you going to ask the gender at the next scan?

[2xblue]

I just had to reply to this thread because I felt exactly the same way when I was pregnant with my 3rd boy. It was SO hard to convince dh to have a 3rd child—we honestly almost split up over it. At the time he was for sure our last baby. And when I found out it was a boy, all I could do was cry. I felt the same way you ladies do—didn't want him, wished I'd never gotten pregnant, etc. And then felt horribly guilty for feeling that way. I hated shopping for baby clothes, hated envisioning more boy stuff in the house, hated the whole thing. Nothing anyone said made me feel better. All that helped was time. Seeing him and holding him in my arms was wonderful and made some of the gd melt away. But I'll be honest that I didn't bond as closely with him right away as I did with my other sons. With them, I could just enjoy my baby for who he was. With the third, every time I looked at him of course I saw my son that I loved but I also saw the girl I'd never have. So there was that sadness and regret for a long time. I didn't love him less than my other two, it was just harder because he represented a loss as well. And I felt TONS of guilt for feeling that way!

My 3rd son is four now. Last year he was diagnosed as autistic, which took the guilt and disappointment (not in him) factors to a whole new place. Knowing he may never speak, may never live independently, may never do all the "boy" things that I had dreaded has done a 180 on my way of thinking about him. And really in my heart made me grateful for every moment we have together. Every hug or smile I get is so precious now. I am closer with him than any of my kids, and he really is my "happy spot" in life.

Anyway—IMHO, it's completely valid to feel how you are right now. It does not make you a monster. Lots of really good, loving mothers have felt the same way. You may some day stop wishing you had a girl, and you may not, but you for sure will stop resenting or regretting your son. I know that probably doesn't help the GD right now, but at least know it won't last forever!

Thank you for your story. So you're pregnant with your 4th child now? And it's a girl? How did your dh agree having a 4th if you almost split up when trying to convince him having a third? I'm sorry your ds3 has diagnosed as autistic. I can totally understand it takes all the guilty and disappointment factors in to a new place. Hoping he can have as normal life as possible.

[2xblue]

Can I join please. Found out yesterday I'm expecting DS3. My husband has been lovely and said we can go PGD for a fourth but I really don't want 4 kids and I don't think I could go through the heartache ogit not working.

We have been through a fair amount of tough times and I really thought maybe this would be our turn to have the happiness of hearing it's a girl. Nope I will never hear that. I will never leave a scan feeling joy, only heartache. The tech said to me 'happy shopping' on the way out, I was like yeah right. I'm sick of boy stuff. I'd like to think that buying some boy outfits may help me feel better but where there are boy things there are girl things and I can't face that.

One of my boys also has autism and it has been awful hard work. We have spent many months isolated to the house as we can't manage them going out. Now I have added to that problem and DS3 has a ten fold increased risk of autism too.

Why me. Was it not my my turn.

I'm so sorry you are going through gd too. I'm happy we have this forum where we can share our feelings. I'm sorry one of your sons has autism aswell. You are very fortunate to have a dh who would like to try for a 4th and try HT. I really wish mine was like that too.

[2xblue]

As a mother of 3 boys (15,13 and 3) I can tell you I have never looked at any of them and wish they were a girl, I cried with DS2 when I found out he was a boy and that was it, with DS3 I had a feeling he was a boy, I know in my heart wanted a girl but I was happy and the only thing that I couldn't handle were people comments, to this day the one thing I'm afraid of now that I'm swaying for number 4 is to be pregnant with another boy and have to deal with comments. Boys are super fun, I feel so blessed with them, mine love shopping and clothes and now days you can get all kind of cool stuff.
Boys are a blessing, my two oldest are teenagers now and We are very close. You will never stop wanting a girl but you will love and accept your next boy, you will love him so much!!! My third boy is the best thing that ever happened to me


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Good luck with your sway! I think because I swayed it was even harder to accept having an opposite as I felt my sway was so good... I tried to prepare hearing it's a boy but when I heard it it was just so devastating. I really hope your sway will work, good luck!

I'm actually in a place where I have accepted this one being a boy. I know I will love him. But the thought of never trying HT for a fourth is just killing me. It's something I think about every day and it's consuming me.

[2xblue]

Reading your post brings back so many emotions. I know exactly how you feel. I had ds3 in 2013. Things will get better. I can't say that your desire for a girl will go away. As here I am wanting to try one last time. But my love and bond with ds3 is amazing. His baby blue eyes and big smile melt my heart. Now that he's almost 3 I wouldn't trade him for a girl.

Thank you for your kind words. Good luck trying for that one last time. Are you swaying?

[2xblue]

Our 3rd son is one month now. Time has gone so quickly. I love him and he is a sweet boy. His brothers love him as well. He has a bad reflux though and it's been tough...

My dream to have a daughter hasn't gone away. I just heard one of my friend had a boy (they were team green). They have 2 daughters and now a boy. I know they were hoping for a boy and of course they had him. It really triggered my gd... Why so many people get what they want. I've been really emotional through these few weeks. DH has said he really doesn't want any more children and he's been telling me that many times. I haven't told him I'm still dreaming to have a daughter some day. Right now tears are falling down my cheeks and I feel I want to talk to someone about this but I can't. I feel so alone with my feelings. I have these lovely three boys who I love but I don't feel complete. I feel I'm lost and don't know what to do... I haven't been on this forum for awhile but now I needed to log in and write down my feelings.

[Raezodal]

Our 3rd son is one month now. Time has gone so quickly. I love him and he is a sweet boy. His brothers love him as well. He has a bad reflux though and it's been tough...

My dream to have a daughter hasn't gone away. I just heard one of my friend had a boy (they were team green). They have 2 daughters and now a boy. I know they were hoping for a boy and of course they had him. It really triggered my gd... Why so many people get what they want. I've been really emotional through these few weeks. DH has said he really doesn't want any more children and he's been telling me that many times. I haven't told him I'm still dreaming to have a daughter some day. Right now tears are falling down my cheeks and I feel I want to talk to someone about this but I can't. I feel so alone with my feelings. I have these lovely three boys who I love but I don't feel complete. I feel I'm lost and don't know what to do... I haven't been on this forum for awhile but now I needed to log in and write down my feelings.

I'm glad you are enjoying your ds3, sorry it's been a tough month with reflux.

I don't know that the longing ever goes away. I have found it lessened with time as my boys have gotten bigger and even though I will never get the daughter I have always wanted, I am more at peace with that than I was when I was expecting ds3 (currently 28w pregnant with ds5). As has been said, I wouldn't change any of my boys from who they are, they are each exactly who they need to be...and honestly...who I need them to be, if that makes sense. I have spent a lot of time recently wondering what it is about having a daughter that I long for and I think that is helping me....

I'm not sure what I'm trying to say here. I hope that your ds3's reflux improves and that as he gets bigger, the longing for a daughter diminishes. Your so might come around...mine was dead set against any more kids when ds4 was born and he told me and everyone who would listen that we were DONE having kids...and here we are. I think I recall you saying that your so was "done" after two...but you never know.... Maybe? Give it some time. You might decide you are complete with 3 boys...you might not...your so might change his mind....

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