How to get over gender disappointment?

[lindz]

I know exactly how you're feeling. Pregnant with my second boy, and wondering why other people who so badly want to be parents continue to have miscarriages and here I'm am so selfish complaining about another boy wishing they could have him instead because they actually deserve him. This pregnancy is a rollercoaster of emotions, one day I'm feeling better the next the littlest thing will send me into tears. I also am debating skipping breastfeeding this time around because of all the sacrifices I have to make. I enjoyed breastfeeding my son, but this time I want to go HT for a daughter and knowing I can't even start the process until I'm done breastfeeding makes me feel frustrated and that I'm wasting my time. I'm sure my feelings will change once he's here, and it's so important to my husband that I breastfeed the first year(it used to be important to me but I feel so let down about this baby not much is important to me anymore). I think you should try the first couple weeks and see how it goes. It really is a special bond. I was able to give my son both a paci and bottle his first week home and we never struggled with nipple confusion. It was always such a relief for me that he would take a bottle if I needed to be away from him. You should know that with this being your first child, he will be so special. You will just love him so much. He won't be like your nephews or your stepsons or any other boys you've been around. He'll be all yours and you'll seriously adore him. I was a little sad my first was a boy, but that went away the second I met him. He is just perfect and I wouldn't change him for the world. I've told my husband so many times that even if I have girls down the road I can't imagine loving them more than my son. He has a special place in my heart, and I know you're not supposed to have favorites, but it wouldn't surprise me if he was mine. I've noticed no differences with gender for at least the first couple years(my son is turning 2 at the beginning of February). That could change as he gets older, but don't assume that boys are these wild crazy kids and girls are little angels. Every child is different and you will love your son exactly the way he is especially since he will have a part of his father in him as well. I hope you're able to start feeling excited about your first pregnancy, and once he comes you'll enjoy every second


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[MrsSparkles]

Awww please don't feel guilty at all! Whether you choose to BF or formula feed, or a combination, I believe no-one should ever feel guilty about their choice. It is your choice to make, and either way there are plenty of advantages & disadvantages whichever you choose.. most of my friends never attempted BF at all, mainly cos they just thought 'that's not for me' and didn't feel bad in any way, and nor should they IMO. It is definitely a personal decision to make. If you do want to try, I always think it does help to have bottles & formula in the house and 'available' to you anyway, just in case you need them.. in my experience, it always made me feel better (and sometimes made me keep going) knowing that I had a backup plan if it got too tough. Just as a side note- if no-one has mentioned it already, I highly recommend lanisoh lanolin nipple cream- apply after every feed (even if nipples feel fine) it really helps protect (and repair) it was a godsend to me.

Oh I am so sorry a lot of your friends are having girls... it must be tough to hear announcements right now, I totally understand.. it sounds like a good plan re the clothes though, and if you have to buy any gifts for your friends, then you can always stick to the practical things like baby bath, bouncy chair, nappies, etc too.. sometimes those type of gifts are the most appreciated ones I find!

Huge hugs to you, remember you are not alone in your feelings, and its ok to feel this way... it will get gradually easier with time xxxx

The guilty feeling is because I always wanted to breats feed, and as soon as I found out I was having a boy...well I just couldn't wrap my head around it.
It made me feel sad that i had those thoughts, I think I completely lost my mind in the 24 hours of the scan !

Thanks for the tip ! I will get some of that cream.
My nipples are already so sore lol, my boobs have gotten so big that my H cup bras don't fit...so i bought a J...and last week that got too small, so now I have a 36K.
I'm only in the 2nd trimester, so I am terrified of what they will end up like hahahha.

I don't think I will be shopping for friends babies, I haven't told anyone I'm pregnant except my Mum, Sister and BFF, and I don't plan on telling anyone else.
So am keeping away from social events when I start showing

[MrsSparkles]

I know exactly how you're feeling. Pregnant with my second boy, and wondering why other people who so badly want to be parents continue to have miscarriages and here I'm am so selfish complaining about another boy wishing they could have him instead because they actually deserve him. This pregnancy is a rollercoaster of emotions, one day I'm feeling better the next the littlest thing will send me into tears. I also am debating skipping breastfeeding this time around because of all the sacrifices I have to make. I enjoyed breastfeeding my son, but this time I want to go HT for a daughter and knowing I can't even start the process until I'm done breastfeeding makes me feel frustrated and that I'm wasting my time. I'm sure my feelings will change once he's here, and it's so important to my husband that I breastfeed the first year(it used to be important to me but I feel so let down about this baby not much is important to me anymore). I think you should try the first couple weeks and see how it goes. It really is a special bond. I was able to give my son both a paci and bottle his first week home and we never struggled with nipple confusion. It was always such a relief for me that he would take a bottle if I needed to be away from him. You should know that with this being your first child, he will be so special. You will just love him so much. He won't be like your nephews or your stepsons or any other boys you've been around. He'll be all yours and you'll seriously adore him. I was a little sad my first was a boy, but that went away the second I met him. He is just perfect and I wouldn't change him for the world. I've told my husband so many times that even if I have girls down the road I can't imagine loving them more than my son. He has a special place in my heart, and I know you're not supposed to have favorites, but it wouldn't surprise me if he was mine. I've noticed no differences with gender for at least the first couple years(my son is turning 2 at the beginning of February). That could change as he gets older, but don't assume that boys are these wild crazy kids and girls are little angels. Every child is different and you will love your son exactly the way he is especially since he will have a part of his father in him as well. I hope you're able to start feeling excited about your first pregnancy, and once he comes you'll enjoy every second


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Your story is such an inspiration to me, and the fact that he will be your favourite is so nice.
It just goes to show that Gender disappointment doesn't last after our babies get here

[Throwaway_panther]

Awww please don't feel guilty at all! Whether you choose to BF or formula feed, or a combination, I believe no-one should ever feel guilty about their choice. It is your choice to make, and either way there are plenty of advantages & disadvantages whichever you choose.. most of my friends never attempted BF at all, mainly cos they just thought 'that's not for me' and didn't feel bad in any way, and nor should they IMO. It is definitely a personal decision to make. If you do want to try, I always think it does help to have bottles & formula in the house and 'available' to you anyway, just in case you need them.. in my experience, it always made me feel better (and sometimes made me keep going) knowing that I had a backup plan if it got too tough. Just as a side note- if no-one has mentioned it already, I highly recommend lanisoh lanolin nipple cream- apply after every feed (even if nipples feel fine) it really helps protect (and repair) it was a godsend to me.

Oh I am so sorry a lot of your friends are having girls... it must be tough to hear announcements right now, I totally understand.. it sounds like a good plan re the clothes though, and if you have to buy any gifts for your friends, then you can always stick to the practical things like baby bath, bouncy chair, nappies, etc too.. sometimes those type of gifts are the most appreciated ones I find!

Huge hugs to you, remember you are not alone in your feelings, and its ok to feel this way... it will get gradually easier with time xxxx

^ Absolutely this. Fed is best, so whatever you do that is best for you will also be best for baby!

Plus, best laid plans and all that -- what you plan to do before they're here might change when they're here anyway. I think "prepare to be flexible" is the best advice for any new mom, haha.

[MrsSparkles]

^ Absolutely this. Fed is best, so whatever you do that is best for you will also be best for baby!

Plus, best laid plans and all that -- what you plan to do before they're here might change when they're here anyway. I think "prepare to be flexible" is the best advice for any new mom, haha.

Absoloutley !
I plan on cloth diapers, long term breast feeding....but I'm going to be open to these things changing.
My DH is not into CD...he thinks it is a lot of hassle, and as much as I want to BF...I do know that some women have issues, and I may be one of them.
Going to try and keep my mind open.

By the way I have a scan to 100% confirm the gender on the 28th, I am not even thinking there is any doubt, but people on here have said nubs and skulls aren't always accurate.
Going in there with the mindset that he's a boy, and not be shocked when they confirm this.

[MrsSparkles]

Just wanted to update that I booked a scan for tomorrow

[Mummyof4boys]

Just wanted to update that I booked a scan for tomorrow

Good luck Sparkles! I so hope they say girl!!

[Serenity]

Well I am one of the ladies from your due date thread who recently lost her little one, and I didn't read your post with disgust. Obviously, I was on here because I felt the same way myself.

My gender disappointment was cured when I lost three babies in a row, then read a post on another forum that said that a lady wanted a girl so much because it would be her "true offspring." I realized that that is exactly what I felt: that if I didn't have a girl I would only leave behind little copies of my husband, and none of me, when I died.

With this thought ringing through my mind, I looked at my kids. One boy has exactly my personality, and the other is the spitting image of me. The truth is that they couldn't be more "my kids" unless I literally cloned myself.

I've found my serenity. I'm at peace knowing that I've already successfully reproduced myself twice. I'm doing a very light sway now, but only because I'm curious about what the younger female version of me looks like. I get to see the male versions of myself every day. I believe that I will be truly happy with a third boy, if I get lucky enough to have one. My husband may have changed his mind about a baby now.

I've also realized that I haven't been generally happy with mothering my kids, because I haven't had enough time to focus exclusively on them, and I haven't had enough down time. So I'm changing that. They are also sometimes rude, which really bothers me, and I've realized that it's because I'm not stopping the rude behavior, not because they are boys. I'm taking responsibility for my own mothering experience, and I'm making my life better. I also realized that the baby and toddler stage kind of sucks no matter what gender your child is...when I was pregnant I imagined that the baby was a girl, and it didn't magically make my horrible nausea disappear.

This is your child. Don't be fooled by his penis...he is 100% yours, and soon you will experience love like you never have before. Find yourself in him.

The baby that I recently lost was a boy. He was my true son. His gender doesn't lessen my grief. I hated being pregnant, and I thought I only wanted a girl, but honestly I'd give anything to feel him move in me today, just one time. I think your feelings are real and valid, but I also think that if you lost your little one, you'd feel just like I do. Don't underestimate the value of your true offspring...it's incalculable.

[atomic sagebrush]

I really think you guys are making a mistake planning not to BF because of GD (I don't care how anyone feeds their baby, just saying that if it is a GD thing, that is a mistake). Many times what we plan for is what we make happen, so plan for nursing and then you always have the option of not nursing then. Planning not to nurse, there may be no changing your mind on that.

Even going HT, you cannot do that for 6 months anyway so please at least try and nurse because it does help with the bonding. Plus, it's easier and having to mix bottles, etc is a lot of work that can make you feel resentful.

[atomic sagebrush]

Serenity this is true for me as well - I was always very very bonded with my first two sons so this did not come into play as much, but my 4th son, who I thought I didn't want, who I would have traded for a girl if I could, is practically my clone, it's very strange. He's the most like me in looks and demeanor of the five. my daughter looks like my husband!!

Sometimes life will surprise you and you get what you want from life in a different way than you expect.