Please help

[AmyJ]

That's the problem - I'm not interested in caring for him at all. It just seems like one big chore that I will end up resenting him for even more. I won't bother to breastfeed if I even have it. I hate breastfeeding and I would have endured it for a girl but not for a boy.

No more vitamins. I threw the all away yesterday. I hated taking them anyway. I'm pretty sure that dropping my antidepressants would be disastrous.

[Kittybear]

Is this your 1st baby hun?

GD in pregnancy is horrible... it robs us mums of a special time that many others get to enjoy.

Right now, your baby is totally abstract to you - and in a way, babies in the womb are for all mums. He is just a concept, and because he is not what you wanted/ hoped for, you are resentful... and that is ok. However, once you see him, hold him, feed him (be it breast or bottle), wash him, dress him... the love WILL come - it might come as a flood, or it might be a drip, drip, drip.. but one day in the future, you will realise that your your heart is full of love for him.

When he is born, he will be YOUR baby - made through love, and as he grows and changes, you will see glimpses of yourself, your husband, your mum... all of your family members, whilst very much being his own person too. What happens to be between his legs doesn't actually matter anymore, once he is here...

Right now, I'm hearing someone who is very scared (and I get that, I was scared too, both times); I think you need to talk to your dr to either change your meds or get some counselling or both. Right now, you need to look after yourself... and that includes your mental health. You need to give yourself time. The loss of a dream is a loss none the less, and give yourself some room to 'grieve'.

Have you looked at any neutral baby clothes? There are lots out there. If you are in the U.K., then the supermarkets (Tesco, Sainsbury's, Asda) are great for baby stuff that is lovely and not expensive. My boys wore predominately neutral creams/ grey/ green/ yellows for at least their first year as I got settled into buying blue stuff.

Xx

[AmyJ]

I hate all boy's stuff. Movies, clothes, toys, to etc.

I don't want to take care of myself or get better. It's not worth it for a boy.

[Kittybear]

I really think you need to speak to your dr about how you are feeling.

All babies, regardless of their gender, need exactly the same looking after at 1st.

X

[Throwaway_panther]

I'm so sorry you're going through this.

I hope you're talking to a therapist or counselor in addition to your meds. The level of antepartum depression you appear to be experiencing is very similar to what mine was, so I know firsthand you would benefit from professional help.

And knowing that, I know that -- especially with a first baby (I had horrible GD with my first) -- you can't understand the advice. Everything you think now or feel you know will happen will change the moment your baby's born. It is a hormonal and biological reality that you can't grasp until it happens. Even if it doesn't happen immediatly (and was I ever surprised when it did for me), it WILL happen. But you will love and bond with your child. And breastfeeding can help that, but it's not mandatory! Fed is best.

But, you won't hear this often on here, but if you have the option to get a safe, medical termination, it is ok -- it is ultimately your body, your health and well being. You have a choice (hopefully, depending on where you live).

But I'm hazarding a guess that you are on here because, deep down, you don't want to do that. Which is where professional help throughout the rest of your pregnancy can really help. And here! Look through my old posts, or others on these forums. We've been there. And trust me, I said and thought everything you did -- and worse. Try planning a sway for your next baby even! That helped me.

And you're not a bad mom for any of this. Even women who desperately want their babies, desired sex or not, still wrestle with feelings like this because pregnancy messes with our hormones and thus our mental mindset. It's normal to feel trapped or upset or wreckless. The key is to get help when it gets to be too much.

[AmyJ]

Thank you. What you said helped a lot. I think that yes, deep down, I do want to be "right", to want this baby like I should. If I didn't, I wouldn't bother reaching out. I just don't know how to make myself feel properly. I've tried counselling in the past for other issues, but I could never make it stick, if that makes sense? I could never take anything away from it that made any difference to how I felt. So what will be different this time? I don't want to ruin his life simply because I'm too inadequate to feel like I'm supposed to. Sometimes I think the best thing would be for me to have him and then leave. His dad is great and I think I could just make his life worse through my own inabilities.

[AmyJ]

Talked to my husband. Explained how I feel. Marriage now over.

[AmyJ]

Talked to my husband. Explained how I feel. Marriage now over.

[Kittybear]

Oh love... I hope this is just an adjustment period for you and your husband - mine never 'got' my GD (and that b*tch has been hanging around for 5 years)... he just wanted for me while my 'fog' cleared.

Sending gentle hugs xx

[AmyJ]

I'm not sure he'll adjust to realising his wife is a horrible person. I'm failing at the most basic part of motherhood. I don't deserve happiness.