Please help

[AmyJ]

Just found out that I'm having a boy and I'm so disappointed. Don't know what to do. I feel so detached from this thing inside me and so resentful.

[AmyJ]

Please. I feel so alone and don't know what to do. I'm a terrible person failing at the most basic thing a mother should do.

[Cnerwin]

You are not failing, you are not a terrible person, you are human. I felt disappointed and detached when I found out my second (surprise) baby was a boy throughout almost my entire pregnancy. Once I gave birth and started to bond with him, that disappeared. You will love this baby, it just takes time to adjust and cope. Be sure to talk to your OB if you start to feel very depressed or angry over this or anything. Your hormones are all over the place and depression during pregnancy is very common and treatable. This is your baby, part of you and the person you love, the attachment and affection will come in time.

[AmyJ]

Thank you for taking the time to reply.

I understand what you are saying, just not convinced it will happen. There are no guarantees and I can't believe I will ever love him like I am supposed to. I can't stop crying and have no interest in my pregnancy or in taking care of myself. No more scans. No more vitamins. What's the point for something I don't even want?

[fiveboys]

Give yourself some time.. maybe just putting the pregnancy out of your head for a bit and concentrate on something different..a new hobby or even planning a holiday.. just take a step back and breath and hopefully things will fall into place... i found that having a 3d scan helped me and picking a name for him.. and avoid all the girly stuff in the shops dont even go down the aisle, this will help so please dont over think things...when this happened to me again and again i did the scan and the name..then spent days walking around in a daze and then i realised i was so gratefull to have a healthy baby no matter what, i was worried how i waould react when i gave birth but i bonded with him straight away... we are all here if your struggling and the majority of us have had the same thoughts like you x

[AmyJ]

Thank you.

I'm not sure I can put it out of my head though p. I've had terrible sickness. If I'm awake, I'm ill, so it's not easy to forget. My face has broken out in painful spots so that's another reminder. And my husband hasn't worked for 5 months so no chance of a holiday. I have to work just to keep our heads above water. This would all have been worth it for a girl but not a boy. I really think I hate this thing inside me. I should be afraid of posting things like that but I don't care anymore.

[Cnerwin]

That's totally understandable, and I'm sorry you are experiencing this. Is this your first child? I hope it does get better for you, maybe give it a little more time, try shopping for the baby or talk to your partner about how you feel. You may even want to try therapy and see if this is something you can move past or if you need to look at other options. I do want you to know though that you're not alone. I went through this, at times almost wishing I would mc as horrible and crazy as that is, and other women have too. I got past it and wouldn't give up my boy for anything now. I was so afraid I would never form an attachment to him or love him like I would have a girl. I wound up having to take antidepressants through the end of my pregnancy and after the birth.

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[Cnerwin]

Sorry, ignore the shopping bit I hadn't seen your newest post.

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[AmyJ]

Thank you.

I'm actually already on anti depressants and it's not really working right now. Or maybe it is and I'd be even worse without them. I did talk to my husband and he's fine and supportive as long as he thinks I'm getting better. Right now, I'm not better. I don't want this thing inside me anymore.

[pinkcomestrue]

Allow yourself to cry and hating that thing as much as you can, just don't do anything to harm yourself, keep taking your vitamins and leave the anti-depression(if you could) once your crying episodes have stopped, you moved on, like everyone else, then you will start choosing name, choosing clothes, preparing the birth, and then he will be born, you will be instantly in love, breastfeeding, months of sleepless nights, changing nappies all the time, but you will still be smiling at him, making sure he eats well, he's warm enough, make sure he takes his naps serval times a day, sounds hard work, but you enjoy it at the same time and that is the fact, no one could change it, everyone on this post is going through this and you will be the one of us too, and then you will come back here, check on other ladies and return your support(with a smile on your face)