Still angry over nasty comment!

[HopingWishingPraying]

Hi all

I signed up a few months back but have decided to take a little break for a few months to try to decrease my focus on my GD. I will be back next year though when I plan my sway for #4. But at the moment I am finding myself fuming for the last few days over an insensitive remark made by a mum at the weekend. I have been ruminating over it in my head for days and hope that writing a post about all the comebacks I wish I had made will help me move on and forget it!

I was already having a hard time being at this birthday party because it was for a gorgeous little girl who flares my GD every time I see her, but still I was trying to just deal with it. I was standing around chatting with 2 mums, A and B. I am not a huge fan of Mum B generally as she seems to dominate conversation by trying to draw attention constantly back to her children and how wonderful / smart / beautiful / better than everyone else they are, but anyway, I was dealing with it. Mum A was cradling a beautiful baby girl dressed in pink, and a little part of my was dying whilst I was chatting to her as I found out that she had 2 boys exactly the same age as mine, then her girl (2 boys then a girl is the family type that always kicks off my GD the worst). I also found out that her baby girl was born the same day that I had my ultrasound with DS#3 and found out that my baby was a boy after a mega "kitchen sink" sway - so I was having those irrational thoughts I'm sure you all understand about how the universe gave her "my girl" without her presumably swaying at all, the same day I found out my mega-sway that I worked so hard for had failed. I was juxtaposing in my head my misery that day with her elation. But anyway!

Mum A asked me what I had and I plastered a big smile on my face and cheerfully said "3 little boys" without giving away any hint of GD or gender desire. Of course I got treated to the same old conversation I am used to having along the lines of "Oh 3 boys, you poor thing, how noisy your house must be, girls are so much easier etc etc". I smiled, nodded and joked my way through it and wasn't all that ticked off because it did seem like mum A was just having a bit of foot-in-mouth disease rather than trying to deliberately be malicious or try to hurt me. I still did not elude to any GD or desire for a daughter at all.

Anyway the conversation finished and I wandered away and sat down nearby, only to hear Mum B suddenly pipe up and say to Mum A (whilst loudly projecting her voice in a way that was clear she was trying to get me to hear what she said) "There was a mum at my kid's school with 3 boys. She was just DESPERATE for a girl. We all told her "look love, sorry, but it's NEVER going to happen". (Laughs smugly). She didn't listen to us and tried again, and bingo of course it was boy number 4, just like we warned her!! She has put her foot down at number 5, so she's stuck just being an all-boy mum forever now". She followed this up by laughing like it was the most hilarious thing ever. She sounded so smug and so self satisfied and thrilled by this woman's misery and it just got to me SO much!

I don't know why this comment has gotten under my skin so much more than any other insensitive GD comment I have received before has, but it has just made my blood boil and I cant stop ruminating over it. It sucks that she waited for me to walk away to make the comment behind my back, all whilst projecting so that I would hear it anyway - it didn't give me any chance to respond, although I know I would have been too stunned to say anything decent at the time anyway. This mum has a pigeon pair and I all I was thinking was - who do you think you are? Why is it ok for you to stand here with your little boy and your little girl with her blonde ringlets and rosebud dress and basically sh*t all over this other mum's dream to her face and then laugh hysterically when she doesn't get the thing you are lucky enough to have and the thing she wanted so much? Why do you think that you are so special you can have one of each but it's NEVER going to happen for someone else? I hate it how people have this mentality that you have flipped tails on the coin 3 times so OBVIOUSLY it is completely impossible for you to ever be able to flip heads? Why do people act so knowledgeable and with such authority as though they some how are in control of the future gender of other people's kids? Also would people be this rude about anything else in life? If she met someone who was infertile and desperately wanting a baby would she be rude enough to say "sorry love, but it's NEVER going to happen?" If she met someone who was desperate to get into a certain job? Anything else? I don't know why there is nothing else that people would be so insensitive about, but gender desire seems to allow a free-for-all. I wanted to march over and announce that she was talking crap and that she didn't know what she was talking about - that it's basically just a coin flip every time and she got lucky - but of course I couldn't without making it clear I have spent time looking into this and am obviously after a girl.

I am so SO anxious about trying for our next baby and hearing "its a boy" again - having to deal with GD again and say goodbye to the dream of having the little girl that it seems almost everyone else has. But what makes me feel even worse is knowing that it seems there are people who WANT to watch me go through that misery, who will be betting on a boy and hoping for a boy, then acting smug, gleeful and as though they knew so much more than I did about what the outcome would be and I was so stupid to ever have hope that I could be granted a little girl. It is humiliating and I hate to think that there will be people gleefully laughing about my stupidity in trying again, and about my failure if I have another boy. As well as obviously wanting a girl for many reasons, I also want to have a girl to spite this nasty woman. I am going to feel so humilated seeing her again with boy #4 in the future when I know she will be laughing her head off at my misfortune either to my face or behind my back. I don't talk about gender desire or disappointment to anyone but a few trusted people, but it sucks that everyone just jumps on the bandwagon and assumes that I am desperate for a girl and that that is the only reason I would try again (in fact, we were always going to have 4 kids regardless of gender).

Sorry for my little purge there. It just really got to me and there are not many people around me who would understand why. Hopefully now I have had my purge about it I can move on! Thanks for reading!

[TTC5]

Rude cow! I'm sorry you had to hear that

[DoulaMama]

Wow. I am just stunned that she had the audacity to let that garbage come spewing out of her mouth. What a bitch. I agree with the last portion of your post. It's sick but I know that family members on my hubby's side and some acquaintances are hoping if not praying that I'll get another boy. It's so sad. Just know that she's obviously a miserable woman and she feels the need to bring others down to get her kicks. I feel sorry for her kids. (((hugs))) Mama xoxo

[begonia]

HUGS ... I'm so, so sorry you had to go through that.

[puppydogstails]

Outrageous!! What a rude spiteful woman!

I love the way you have written this post! You've expressed beautifully how i feel about the subject!

'Also would people be this rude about anything else in life? If she met someone who was infertile and desperately wanting a baby would she be rude enough to say "sorry love, but it's NEVER going to happen?" If she met someone who was desperate to get into a certain job? Anything else? I don't know why there is nothing else that people would be so insensitive about, but gender desire seems to allow a free-for-all' ....

YES exactly

[littlemisswilko]

what an absolute bitch!!!!!!

[Flava]

Oh yeah she is a alfa bitch alright. And what is wrong with having boys? she is stupid!
Some people actually want boys .I feel the same that Im stupid to try again I have 4 girls and Im swaying for a boy.again...

[angel-pink]

wow words just fail me i have 4 boys and feel every1 should get what they desire as i know how hurtful it is ti have dreams dashed i to have all the comments like that even to the point my family don't want to know if i try again why is it people feel that comments on children gender desire names etc are ok to pass on without a thought for others makes me so upset my cousin has had 4 losses all late and boys and finally is preg everything is fine it's a girl and people say to me bet your gutted i'm like no she bloody deserves happyness and i'm sure she'd of took any gender than experience a loss

[CapricornAquarius]

I wish you didnt hear that, what a dumb cow, I cant stand people like that, I believe in Karma, what goes around comes around.
She'll get her's one day maybe not with GD but through other ways.
Walk with your head up high and be proud of your boys.

[Yuzu]

Yes, I understand you perfectly. I once had someone tell me, "Oh, you're destined to be a boy mom, no matter how many children you have." It hurts me to this day. How in the world does she know? Can she see into the future?