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  1. #1
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    The old GD creeping in again

    Iím back on this forum after a while because Iíve been strongly considering going HT for baby #4. The major problem is that husband is not. Heís done. He wants no other kids for financial and logistical (ie-size of our house) reasons. I even have a doctorís appt for a fertility clinic on Wednesday. For a while weíve joked about me having another and how Iíll get my way but then tonight I had to really have a serious conversation with him and I think heís truly out. I understand why he feels that way, I really do. But Iíve also been in therapy for GD for years and I canít see it getting any better for me. Everyday I feel like a part of me is missing. Iím not sure how to get past this. I wish I could make these feelings disappear. I want more than anything to be happy with my beautiful, healthy and happy family but Iím not. And this idea of going HT kept one sliver of hope alive. But unless I use a sperm donor, I think this is it. And I just donít know where to go from here...how to help myself get past these feelings. I donít have anywhere else to go to even express these feelings besides my therapist and even that feels like an endless waste of time and money because unless I can let this go, Iím not going to heal. But how do I let this go?
    2013 & 2015 & 2017 (Sway opposite)
    HT for 2019

  2. #2
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    ksmom's Avatar
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    I'm sorry you're feeling so down. I don't really know what to say. I've been in the same boat with having GD and it sucks. I'm sorry your DH is not on board with you. That makes things so much more difficult. Is there any way at all you could convince him to go HT and let him know absolutely no more kids after baby #4 arrives? If not, healing from GD will likely take time. When it hits me pretty bad, I stay off social media and it helps a lot. I think it's harder to not think about having a daughter when it seems like everyone on instagram and FB has one. Is there anything else you could focus on, like a hobby? I know it's not a replacement for a daughter of course but it might at least distract you. I'm sorry I don't have much advice. I just saw your post and it reminded me of a similar post I had made a couple of years ago. Hang in there and if you ever need anyone to vent to, feel free to PM me.
    '12
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    🌈 '17 (LE sway opposite)
    Dreaming of through HT or adoption

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