How do you tell people gender when you're struggling with GD?

[begonia]

We officially found out yesterday about DD3. I told 3 of my BFFs because all 3 of them know me well enough to know that 1) I wanted a son and always have, and 2) I adore my girls and my disappointment will not impact how I am with DD3. They know me well enough that when I cried (fine, full out sobbed) they just hugged me and reminded me God finds my family perfect, and that's all that matters. I'm working on finding it to be perfect myself, but in the meantime I keep reminding myself that He doesn't see my 3 girls as anything less than perfect, or me for having them.

SO anyhow ... I had to tell a non-close-friend today because she said "I'm so excited to hear it's a boy for you in 4 months!" ... I can't handle hearing that for the next 4 months. So I just said "well, you won't, we found out yesterday it's a girl." And she said "oh, I'm so sorry!" I know she meant sorry for her comment, and not for the baby, but it was hard to hold it together. I just awkwardly laughed and said (my girls were both with me) that we were thrilled to have a third healthy child.

Tomorrow I go to DD2's preschool and know I'm going to be running into loads of moms/teachers I know well (DD's elementary school I'm still fairly anonymous) and I don't know how I'll do having to break the news. Did anyone else struggle with that? How did you tell people without revealing your own disappointment?

It totally sucks too, because I know if we were having a boy we'd be screaming it to total strangers. But because it's yet another girl we (and others) struggle to celebrate it. I hate that; I blame some of it on the pressure to have one of each ... I mean if I'm honest that's why I swayed, to AVOID having 3 of a kind. So I get why people don't celebrate it, I totally do, but I wish they (and I) could be as excited as if we were having a DS.

[nuthinbutpink]

It's hard no matter how you answer it when you are disappointed. When someone asked did you find out I would say, yes, it is a girl. We are really good at making strong girls(insert whatever adjective you want to there). I found that adding that last bit prevented the oh, I'm sorry comments and turned it into- Yes, you do or you are right about that. It was a more positive response. If they asked Are you upset? I would say it would be nice to have a boy but we are happy to become a family of 5 because I couldn't imagine only having 2 children.

I'll tell you something else, with my DS after 3 DD, I did NOT scream it to anyone. It was very awkward in fact, especially if I had my girls with me. People said the dumbest things when I did say it was a boy in front of them so I just found I avoided the conversation all together. Even when I am out now with the girls and DS is at home, I don't even say anything if someone says something about all the girls I have. I just don't give a damn about what anyone thinks anymore. It's more shocking to people that we have 3+ kids than the gender make up. We get tons of comments about that.

[begonia]

It's hard no matter how you answer it when you are disappointed. When someone asked did you find out I would say, yes, it is a girl. We are really good at making strong girls(insert whatever adjective you want to there). I found that adding that last bit prevented the oh, I'm sorry comments and turned it into- Yes, you do or you are right about that. It was a more positive response. If they asked Are you upset? I would say it would be nice to have a boy but we are happy to become a family of 5 because I couldn't imagine only having 2 children. This is actually exactly what I "needed" so to speak, because it's perfectly true I think I can say that and do it with a smile, because we are happy to go from 4 to 5. Thank you NBP!

I'll tell you something else, with my DS after 3 DD, I did NOT scream it to anyone. It was very awkward in fact, especially if I had my girls with me. People said the dumbest things when I did say it was a boy in front of them so I just found I avoided the conversation all together. Even when I am out now with the girls and DS is at home, I don't even say anything if someone says something about all the girls I have. I just don't give a damn about what anyone thinks anymore. It's more shocking to people that we have 3+ kids than the gender make up. We get tons of comments about that.

That's interesting to me too; I do remember when I congratulated a friend recently who found out it's a DD after 2 DS, I was (because of what I go through myself) careful to just say "congratulations! how fun to have another kiddo!" You never know ... she might have hoped for 3DS. And since I'm trying to work myself out of this view where the "perfect" family has one of each, I'm sensitive to implying that somehow by having each gender now she was some kind of success, whereas with just 2 of a kind she was lacking.

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[TTC5]

B, sorry I must have missed something, so hubby knows now? x

[begonia]

Yep, 5. He came to the anatomy scan on Monday and I mean, honestly ... when you've seen 2 already you know what's missing. The tech had us close our eyes at the "big" part, but DH knew.

[DoulaMama]

I had EVERYONE telling me it was going to be a girl. My hairdresser, my IL's, random people on the street, all my friends....I was so sure they were right Well, when we sent the birth announcement out over the net, no one wrote back to congratulate us. That was the first time I realized that having more than 2 of a kind made people uncomfortable. I just walked into stores and such and when people asked " so what did you get???" I simply said "a beautiful boy! We've almost got our curling team!". They just ended up congratulating me I didn't want sympathy, or any "I'm sorry's". I just wanted to keep my GD to myself. I hate hearing all the negative comments in front of my boys and if I so much as hear a single "oh, you finally got a girl!" I'm going to snap. It just seems that people need to say something to you, even if it's rude. I had a woman say to me(after I told her I was pregnant with my fourth)"ARE YOU NUTS?". This was in front of 5 people in her store. I had my back turned to her and I said, "Wow. Is that what you say to all the pregnant ladies that come in here?". She backpedalled and said she was sorry. I was still pissy 10 mins later. I say, be honest when you want to be, hide it when you want to as it's no ones business but your own, and come up with some great one-liners that'll shut people upxoxo

[My Fabulous Children]

I am so sorry B, really. I'm really sad to read this ((HUGS)) I went through this with DD #2. It was so hard for me to deal with the comments about two girls from everyone so I just said that we are having a surprise, and it doesn't matter if its a boy or girl, but I was lying inside and it killed me. I didn't want to hear someone say something negative, but of course some people still talk especially my MIL I think this woman alone made my GD worst!

I agree with NBP It's hard no matter how you answer it.

[begonia]

Thanks DM That's interesting you mention the email; that's why I didn't email it out after the scan, I didn't want to deal with crickets or awkward congrats. The friends I could be honest with (really, who I couldn't possibly have gotten away with lying to even if I tried, LOL) have been so fantastic and encouraging. One of them said something similar to your curling team comment ... she was like, as good as your DH is at hoops you should have 2 more girls and start a WNBA franchise

I do think if I can be in a mood (because I do have chipper moods about this) where I'm in a good place with it I'll handle it just fine. And if I'm in a rotten mood I'll pretend I'm on my cellphone so no one can talk to me about it

[pinkdreams]

when I was pregnant with DS2 I was VERY open about how badly I wanted a girl, when we found out he was a boy I would usually just make a joke, like- I'm trying to get DH to let me put dresses on him for the first few months, everyone thought DS1 was a girl anyway I often handle uncomfortable situations with some sort of a wisecrack, then I don't have to hear the pity in their voice, just the giggle.

[TTC5]

Yep, 5. He came to the anatomy scan on Monday and I mean, honestly ... when you've seen 2 already you know what's missing. The tech had us close our eyes at the "big" part, but DH knew.

How did he react? Do the girls know? I hope you guys are doing ok!!! xxxxxx