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July 24th, 2017, 08:40 PM
#41
Originally Posted by
atomic sagebrush
I"m not suggesting anyone play sneaky pool, what I am saying is that many of us broach the subject (or not even that) very tentatively one time and then he says no and we let it go. If it is something that matters to you, if it is important to you, be willling to go to the mat and fight for it because it very well may be negotiable (even if he says it isn't) and by all rights, your opinion/wants/desires matter more than his do, since he does not lose the ability while we do.
You are absolutely right, good advice. I definitely haven't made my feelings entirely clear as I naturally hide that kind of emotion anyway and I feel like a 'crazy lady' for being so desperate for it.... will think on this.
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July 25th, 2017, 02:02 PM
#42
I've enjoyed reading this thread. I agree with Atomic, our window is short so we should make our wants known. However, I do worry about the stress of 3 kids on our marriage. My husband would adore our theoretical third baby, but I worry that if I talked him into it, and the baby wasn't a girl, he would be disappointed. I guess that's a chance you have to take. We are currently driving from our home in Indiana to California with 3.5 year old and 18 month old, camping along the way. It's stressful but makes me feel like I can do anything, haha.
2013
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July 26th, 2017, 05:26 PM
#43
Swaying Advice Coach
You are a glutton for punishment, Greydore! Wow that's awesome! You truly can do anything if you can do that!
Where are you from in Indiana? My mom is from Bloomfield and my dad is from Indianapolis. Indiana is a second home to me.
When you talk him into it, it should probably be for a baby and not for a girl. That way he won't be disappointed (and truly, men take this so much less to heart than us, even the guys who have a strong gender desire are bummed for a day and then get over it while we ladies still feel it years later)
My husband adores our 3rd. He wasn't super into the idea and honestly, just between you and me and the Internet, he doesn't even really like our first two boys. He loves them, but he doesn't have any connection with them - they are typical modern kids, play video games and stuff like that. My husband is really into sports and manly man pursuits and they never did any of that. He had a weird kind of GD for a more boyish boy and then he did get that in our 3rd and to a lesser extent 4th boy. It's odd when you have several of the same gender, to realize how different they all are from each other and even when you have 3 or 4 or more in a row, it's never the same old, same old, you get a unique soul every time. My point is, many times you don't even know that someone is missing until they get to you, and then you can't imagine life without them.
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July 26th, 2017, 07:07 PM
#44
Originally Posted by
atomic sagebrush
You are a glutton for punishment, Greydore!
Wow that's awesome! You truly can do anything if you can do that!
Where are you from in Indiana? My mom is from Bloomfield and my dad is from Indianapolis. Indiana is a second home to me.
When you talk him into it, it should probably be for a baby and not for a girl. That way he won't be disappointed (and truly, men take this so much less to heart than us, even the guys who have a strong gender desire are bummed for a day and then get over it while we ladies still feel it years later)
My husband adores our 3rd. He wasn't super into the idea and honestly, just between you and me and the Internet, he doesn't even really like our first two boys. He loves them, but he doesn't have any connection with them - they are typical modern kids, play video games and stuff like that. My husband is really into sports and manly man pursuits and they never did any of that. He had a weird kind of GD for a more boyish boy and then he did get that in our 3rd and to a lesser extent 4th boy. It's odd when you have several of the same gender, to realize how different they all are from each other and even when you have 3 or 4 or more in a row, it's never the same old, same old, you get a unique soul every time. My point is, many times you don't even know that someone is missing until they get to you, and then you can't imagine life without them.
I love your honestly! My two are so different already, I always wonder what other children of ours would be like! My husband also loves outdoor activities (fishing, camping) so I always remind him that our boys may have their own interests that are different than his (they're too young at this point to know what activities they'll enjoy).
I live in Elkhart, 20 miles east of South Bend. It's boring but it's home. Indianapolis is a fun city!
2013
2016
2018
due August 2021!
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July 26th, 2017, 11:35 PM
#45
Dream Vet
The cross section (of women) on this site gives such a unique take on each issue we encounter, thanks for your perspectives.
I've been a bit mopey about the whole third baby thing since my last discussion with DP and just thought I'd leave it be for a month just while a few other family pressures settle down a little. However to my surprise he did briefly mention it of his own accord in context of a new car so maybe it's not as off the table as first though.
DD1 (2014)
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July 27th, 2017, 12:50 AM
#46
Originally Posted by
MiaMelb
The cross section (of women) on this site gives such a unique take on each issue we encounter, thanks for your perspectives.
I've been a bit mopey about the whole third baby thing since my last discussion with DP and just thought I'd leave it be for a month just while a few other family pressures settle down a little. However to my surprise he did briefly mention it of his own accord in context of a new car so maybe it's not as off the table as first though
.
I've decided the same - I was very mopey too after his last 'shut down' of the idea - but I'm going to let it go, get some of the stuff out the way that I know concerns my husband like finance and house stuff we need to do - wait til his long service leave, when he'll be happy and relaxed, in Jan - and then bring it up again. 'Taking it to the mat' if required,as Atomic suggested
You're lucky your man has brought it up on his own , sounds positive. I think mine still has it in him too, just need to dig it out at the right time.
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July 28th, 2017, 04:08 PM
#47
Swaying Advice Coach
Originally Posted by
Greydore
I love your honestly! My two are so different already, I always wonder what other children of ours would be like! My husband also loves outdoor activities (fishing, camping) so I always remind him that our boys may have their own interests that are different than his (they're too young at this point to know what activities they'll enjoy).
I live in Elkhart, 20 miles east of South Bend. It's boring but it's home. Indianapolis is a fun city!
I've been through South Bend many times! One of the nice things about this gig is that I get to talk to people all across the country and the world!
Yes and I definitely try to remember that while raising my own daughter. I sometimes get nervous when I see the occasional gal on here who seems to want a mini-me or a princess instead of a real human child - I just wonder how that's going to play out down the road, given my experience with my older sons and my husband.
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July 28th, 2017, 04:10 PM
#48
Swaying Advice Coach
Originally Posted by
MiaMelb
The cross section (of women) on this site gives such a unique take on each issue we encounter, thanks for your perspectives.
I've been a bit mopey about the whole third baby thing since my last discussion with DP and just thought I'd leave it be for a month just while a few other family pressures settle down a little. However to my surprise he did briefly mention it of his own accord in context of a new car so maybe it's not as off the table as first though
.
Ooo exciting!!
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July 28th, 2017, 04:11 PM
#49
Swaying Advice Coach
Originally Posted by
frankie2017
I've decided the same - I was very mopey too after his last 'shut down' of the idea - but I'm going to let it go, get some of the stuff out the way that I know concerns my husband like finance and house stuff we need to do - wait til his long service leave, when he'll be happy and relaxed, in Jan - and then bring it up again. 'Taking it to the mat' if required,as Atomic suggested
You're lucky your man has brought it up on his own , sounds positive. I think mine still has it in him too, just need to dig it out at the right time.
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July 28th, 2017, 10:45 PM
#50
Dream Vet
Originally Posted by
atomic sagebrush
For some reason my "liker" is not functioning but LIKE!
Noticed this a couple of days ago but thought it was just my phone, very annoying.
DD1 (2014)
DD2 (2016)
Our
sway is getting into NOW or NEVER territory
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Healthy baby girl :)