How many attempts should I do and WHEN?? For pink and blue.

[sway_blue]

UPDATE 12-9-17 - in the last essay in this series of essays (just scroll down!) is the how to on regular release + one attempt, every 4 days, every 4 days + one attempt, and SMEP!!! We've had tons of questions on those so hopefully this will help! These essays are really difficult to write, please let me know in the comments if anything is less than clear or what questions you have!!

One of the most common questions on the site is about how many attempts to do, why, and how. Let’s take a closer look and see if we can remove some of the stress and confusion from this topic.

Since I originally wrote this essay we have learned that for reasons we can only guess at, number of attempts actually DOES seem to sway!! One attempt seems to sway strongly pink, 3 attempts in the fertile window seems to sway strongly blue.

How many attempts should I do?
It depends! (you knew I was going to say that, didn’t you??) More attempts in the fertile window means greater odds of pregnancy, higher sperm numbers may mean more sons conceived, higher pH in the vagina (semen will help raise vaginal pH) may also favor male conceptions, but at the same time, a lot of ineffective releases prior to the fertile window opening (O-3 through O Day, see more below) may lower sperm numbers overall and lead to more daughters conceived. It is a balancing act for each couple to find the right amount of BD to conceive while still swaying.

Why would number of attempts sway?
We don’t know, quite honestly (you probably knew I was going to say that, too!). It may be that there is some primitive communication between sperm that sways in some fashion (perhaps Y sperm are better able to band together to gain some advantage in penetrating the egg and/or CM while X are better at going it alone or with only a few more sperm to assist), more sperm may signal Y sperm to capacitate more quickly than X or vice versa, more or a higher number of dead sperm, may cause changes in CM consistency that allow Y sperm to make it thru more easily than X (or vice versa), or it may be that the very tiny difference in size between X and Y sperm enables the slightly larger X sperm to penetrate the egg with less assistance while the smaller Y sperm may need more assistance.

You see, it takes the work of more than one sperm cell to penetrate an egg shell – if the egg shell is sufficiently weakened, a slightly smaller-headed sperm (Y) may have a momentary advantage over a larger-headed X sperm due to surface tension (for the same reason a sharpened pencil can be poked thru a piece of paper more easily than an unsharpened pencil.) Fewer sperm at the egg may confer a momentary benefit to a larger-headed X sperm because due to their larger size, they may be better able to push their way into the eggshell prior to it being totally weakened (the sharpened tip of a pencil is much weaker than the blunt tip of an unsharpened one). Or, it may be some combination of all of these things. Or something totally different all together.

But these are “proximate mechanisms” that explain how something might work. They don’t really answer the underlying question - the ultimate mechanism - the question of WHY would the number of sperm on hand sway to begin with?

I have wracked my brain to come up with an ultimate mechanism as to why sperm numbers could confer any evolutionary benefit to one gender over another, and I think I have a couple of decent possibilities. Please understand that this is sheer speculation on my part based on a half-dozen studies and some evolutionary biology books I have read, is discussing general trends and possibilities with plenty of exceptions, and is not meant to be in any way offensive to anyone. I debated on leaving this section out all together because I do not want to offend anyone, but I think one of the reasons why people like this site is because we do try to figure out the deeper reasons behind gender swaying rather than just going off blind faith that these tactics actually work for SOME reason. It also demonstrates how both very frequent and very infrequent intercourse might sway for both DH and DW, which I know is a sticking point for some people.

1)Dads Vs. Cads theory: When a guy is having a LOT of sex or NO sex, it sends the same signal to his body – he may not be in regular possession of a woman. This is often true in primates and also in many other mammals and some human cultures as well. Either he’s servicing a lot of women/one woman several times in a row over the span of a few days/weeks, possibly in the short term in a “hit and run” fashion, and may not be around in the future to provide protection and food to the family. Or, he got a one-time opportunity at a woman that he does not normally have access too, and again, may not be around in the future to provide protection and food to the family.

Female offspring tend to have better rates of survival than male offspring do (in nature, in primates) even when there is not a biological father around. This is firstly because they need fewer calories and less protein to survive/reproduce and their dietary needs can be better met thru gathering, which is typically a female endeavor, but also because when a new male takes over the troop/tribe/clan, he often kills all the male offspring while allowing the females to survive.
In a committed, long term relationship on the other hand, intercourse tends to occur regularly but not every day. Married couples under 30 report having intercourse 2 times a week on average; by 50-59 this rate falls to an average of once a week. Those between 30-50 fall somewhere between the two. Intercourse twice a week or so, averages out to be pretty close to the every 2-4 days that equates to max. sperm numbers and health and sways blue.

We have human studies that indicate more sons are born to people in stable, long term relationships and even one that indicated that families with more sons were less likely to divorce than those of all daughters. That having been said, many of the families I know with all daughters are in very loving and stable relationships and my now-husband and I were kinda rocky and not very committed when we conceived our first son, so I stress again that there are PLENTY of exceptions and this is not meant to be applicable to everyone or offensive to anyone.

2)Single Moms Need Daughters theory: When a woman is having little/no sex, it may send a signal to her body that there is not a man around regularly and as a result, there may be no protector/provider and a girl offspring would have a better chance of survival for the same reasons mentioned above. We have one study that indicates that this is true (single moms do have more daughters than the population as a whole) and actually Charles Darwin himself studied the issue in his book The Descent of Man and came to the same conclusion .

Women who are in short term, whirlwind relationships that may not be fully committed tend to have more sex in the short term than committed couples do, and so frequent intercourse may also signal the body that a girl offspring conceived during the haze of a fledgling relationship would have a better shot at survival, because the male has not proved himself to be a good protector/provider at that point. Our bodies may “know” on some subconscious level, that intercourse every 2-4 days may mean that a father is around to provide meat and protection to our sons.

Additionally, women may be able to sense and respond to the hormones that a partner provides and may even become more fertile in the presence of a male to whom she is not genetically related. Some research indicates that in a home with a stepfather, young girls even enter puberty at younger ages due to these hormonal signals. Things that increase fertility tend to sway blue.

Daughters themselves ~may~ be more of a helpmate to single mothers than sons are. In some primates and many species of birds (human mating patterns closely resemble that of many birds), teenage and adult daughters remain at home helping their mothers to rear siblings, while sons oftentimes are driven off. Primate daughters rear their offspring alongside their mother’s, while dutiful bird daughters actually forgo starting their own families to assist their mothers!!! This assistance from daughters may help to keep her mother and her siblings alive, so the timely birth of a daughter may help to ensure that the entire genetic line has optimal chances of survival.

You wrote: Women who are in short term, whirlwind relationships that may not be fully committed tend to have more sex in the short term than committed couples do, and so frequent intercourse may also signal the body that a girl offspring conceived during the haze of a fledgling relationship would have a better shot at survival, because the male has not proved himself to be a good protector/provider at that point. Our bodies may “know” on some subconscious level, that intercourse every 2-4 days may mean that a father is around to provide meat and protection to our sons.

My doubt: we had almost no physical association except ttc fertile period and both of our girls were conceived in one attempt by Lord's grace. Since this time we want to try in swaying blue, I want to know how many months or weeks should we intercourse (2-4 days) to make my body know that my DH is the protector, father etc before ttc?

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[atomic sagebrush]

None of these things are proven and all are just speculation. Please don't get too hung up on them.

What I would do is just have regular unprotected sex when you're not fertile, as far in advance of your sway as is feasible. You don't want to get pregnant just yet (I'm assuming) so you can accomplist that just by avoding your fertile period and having regualr unprotected sex before and after ovulation.

I have no set amount of weeks or months to do this for, just as far in advance as you can. Both before and after your fertile period. When you're not TTC then just avoid the fertile period but do still have unprotected sex. This is what many of us with all boys do - when we're not fertile, we have unprotected sex and then use protection when fertile, as birth control method.

[LMSM]

None of these things are proven and all are just speculation. Please don't get too hung up on them.

What I would do is just have regular unprotected sex when you're not fertile, as far in advance of your sway as is feasible. You don't want to get pregnant just yet (I'm assuming) so you can accomplist that just by avoding your fertile period and having regualr unprotected sex before and after ovulation.

I have no set amount of weeks or months to do this for, just as far in advance as you can. Both before and after your fertile period. When you're not TTC then just avoid the fertile period but do still have unprotected sex. This is what many of us with all boys do - when we're not fertile, we have unprotected sex and then use protection when fertile, as birth control method.

Great _ thanks for that, was going to ask
Still haven’t got a cycle back so no idea when and even if fertile so for now, it’s condoms every time, but once I get my cycle back, will aim for this...
Is it worth adding a spermicide ordoes that defeat the purpose?
I want to wait for dd3 to be at least 18 m.o (and in any event at least fully weaned from breast for at least 6+ months) before we ttc...so my cycles will likely return before we ttc,and need to avoid a pregnancy whilst gearing up for swaying and’ ttc. Since O can be elusive, if spermicide isn’t good, what would be best? I d be freaking out about a potential oops if O came early etc haha

[atomic sagebrush]

I suspect spermicide residue sways pink and we played around with the idea for a few months for pink sways. We ended up dropping it not because it didn't work, but because no one got pregnant with it. It feels risky to me and I"d have u use just condoms with condom safe lube like KY. If you're worried about potential oops, I'd skip fertile days.

[LMSM]

Thanks’ Atomic!
Might just chart for a few months once my AF returns to have a good idea of O/fertile days...and going unprotected during non fertile days, then condoms when potentially fertile. I guess that would still give some exposure to DHs sperm before we actually are TTCing so good for blue wasn’t keen on temping etc too early ahead because it’s a pain but may be the best option still :P

[atomic sagebrush]

Yes if you're worried you won't recognize the fertility signs around O, that's a-ok! That is what soo many of us with all boys did,myself included. We never used protection except around O!

[LMSM]

I’m so used to being not fertile but not risking it this time lol having said that, mucus was so scarce even with this last babe (abd only natural pregnancy and super quick caption), it’s not enough for me to have enough warning as my peak comes and goes abruptly so not much « lead time » from post AF/dry (non fertile) to watery/EW...so better safe than sorry as could put me in fertile’ without realising it soon enough hehe
Thanks again

[atomic sagebrush]

I totally understand and that's how I got my 4th (BOY!) is that I had so little CM while breastfeeding I did not even realize I was ovulating. I've had more realistic false ovulations than that real ovulation was! Ha ha!

[LMSM]

Thanks
Hubs is nit keen on condom if he can avoid it, so he’ll be happy to oblige haha

[Maureenhdez]

I was just trying to read through some of this. If I understood correctly, I can BD with pullout method before our one attempt, as long as it’s at least 4-5 days before and after our attempt. Is this correct?

I really only wanted to do one attempt total (without any other BD at all in the cycle, even if it is pullout) but my DH refuses to only have one BD the whole cycle. He says it’s destroying our marriage and makes him feel unwanted/unloved it doesn’t help that he doesn’t believe in swaying and he would be just as happy with another boy. So, I was hoping we could BD maybe a few times in the cycle, but all pullout except our actual attempt. We have used pullout as birth control for the past 8 years and it has prevented pregnancy.


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