Parents keep child's gender a secret

[Halah]

http://www.parentcentral.ca/parent/b...-gender-secret

Did anyone else read a little GD into this? I'm not saying it's their main reason at all, or something they are even conscious of, but that it could have played a minor part.

[Zivic-Bubac]

OMG!!!!!! Those people are sick and this is not a 'tribute to freedom and choice' but to gender confused children. We are NOT genderless ( except of course extremely rare medical conditions) and yes, there are many social and cultural things involved with gender but this is not the way to fight it.

What are they trying to prove and to whom? I'm in shock....Book is one thing and real life is other - regarding their 'inspiration' to ruin their children life.
That's a good point, about GD, I bet they are at some level deeply dissappointed for having a 3rd boy so they are trying....what....to turn him into a girl. Just not going to happen.

From what I've read, I got an impression the are ENCOURAGING their boys to make 'girl' choices ( favorite color- pink and purple - give me a break, favorite book - about gender confused child) Children can read subtle signals from their parents and I * think* they feel if they ever choose a truck for a toy, mom and dad wouldn't be happy.

I can not express properly everything I think and feel about this in foreign language, I would have soooo much more to add if my English wasn't so poor.

[lindi]

Hmm. I have a lot of sympathy for this couple. They seem to really care and want their children to feel free to be whoever they "truly" are without people, or society dictating that for them. That said, it is my opinion, and probably not my business, but they are doing it in a kind of unhelpful way.
I think there is a lot of parenting towards what parents wish the world "could be" and not what it is. And also parenting which is reaction to one's own childhood, which can cause extreme choices that perhaps are not as helpful as the parents think.
It IS a struggle during adolescence and adulthood even to figure out who you are and feel comfortable about it, but keeping secrets about facts about yourself is not one of the things I have found helped me feel like I could embrace my true self, so why are these parents keeping a biological fact secret about their child? The truth is, one day the secret will be out, and when that happens, yes the child will be treated in a particular way. That is the world we live in. If we pretend otherwise, we aren't giving our children a chance to experience that and be guided about what it means.
I used to really truly believe boy and girl babies were the same, just treated differently. I have read a lot of neuroscience books on early childhood development and and I now believe they are different, and different in important ways, and can be treated differently to great benefit.
My son NEEDS to run and climb and be a little wild as part of his day. I truly believe the testosterone and structuring of his brain causes this, and so I see it as an important part of his day. I don't expect him to get to kindergarten and be able to sit still the same way a girl can, because boy and girls are different neurologically and physically at this stage. There are some great books on raising boys that really go into depth about this.
And then the choices...yes, it can be very helpful to give a toddler or preschool choices about things because so much is out of their control. But for a child to feel secure, I believe they have to feel and know their parent is in charge, and their parent makes decisions, and some day, as they mature, they will have the responsibilty of decision making, too. But its a lot to give very young children every decision. I believe its stressful and unfair to them.
This couple is coming from the right place, I really believe this. But I disagree about what will help nurture a person who feels confident and secure in who they really are.

[nuthinbutpink]

They are different for sure and it is biological and not my parenting- that I know now! Give my son the same toy I gave my DDs and he plays with it totally different, uses objects differently and is a different creature than the girls!

Those people are attention seeking people. There is no gray area with what you are no matter how much they like to pretend. Definitely see it as GD thing.

[Betty Draper]

I don't know . . . I think the people who were raised by militant hippie-type liberals usually turn out pretty smart, open-minded, interesting, and liberal themselves. This baby will be able to say "I am a boy (or girl)" by the time he/she is 4. This secret thing during the infant stage does make a statement - why is everyone so obsessed? And the older two - being unschooled and choosing clothes - I have no problem with any of that. Society is pretty sick, the gender roles are upsetting, and I tend to side with anyone that challenges those roles. I mean, you can't raise children this way and then throw them in public middle school. But if you can find a nice, sizable group with similar values to socialize with, continue the education at home - by the time they reach college they will probably be pretty smart and capable of having a great life. If you compare this to all the other disturbing ways parents "socialize" their kids - like in super religious closed-off worlds. If I had to choose to be born into this family or into a home-schooled evangelical Christian home, or Orthodox Jewish home, I would take being genderless any day!

[Liv]

Sorry, I think these parents are a little out there.

[Amelie]

I think she was desperately looking for getting a baby girl but got a third boy. She should try it again or HT;-)

[winogurl]

Whatever floats your boat, I suppose.

[rainbowflower]

Hmm, I see that they're trying to give this baby more opportunities and a blank canvas, etc. I do wonder what this will do to the child's identity as they get older, it might define their personality more, or it might be a big shock when they do reveal their gender and get more stereotyped.

I don't disagree with boys choosing to wear pink or purple or sparkles, or to like pink best (traditionally pink was a masculine colour don't forget, it's a more recent thing that pink is feminine). It does make me think - I dress my son in an awful lot of blue. To be honest, most clothes ARE blue so there's not too many alternatives. Before he was born, I always said I'd like to dress my baby in more colours and I bought a fair number of neutral newborn sized clothes, but finding it more difficult to find a variety now he's older.

Oh, and my son loves sparkles - he was mesmerised by my sequin top yesterday!

What does worry me is what child wants to sit for ages and learn to read and write well, or to do maths? If those children decide in the future they'd quite like to be, for example, doctors, will their unschooling have provided a good enough base to have more career opportunities as adults? I'm not convinced a 2 year old or a 5 year old always know what is best for them. I only know one person in the world who likes to solve mathematical equations FOR FUN!

Also, if they choose not to go to school for risk of being teased, maybe their social skills will suffer in the long run?

[Zivic-Bubac]

If the are so 'gender free', why does it matter is this baby a boy or a girl? Why can't they just say: 'Yes, it's a girl/boy and we couldn't care less'
And the fact that they constructed the whole parallel reality of 'genderless upbringing" shows that they care A LOT about the gender fact and IMO , they are obsessed about baby's gender more then all of us put together.

They are not raising their kids to be 'gender free' or whatever, they are raising their boys to be girls. This is called 'experiment in vivo" and noone should be allowed to do that.

I think there is a lot of parenting towards what parents wish the world "could be" and not what it is. And also parenting which is reaction to one's own childhood, which can cause extreme choices that perhaps are not as helpful as the parents think.
It IS a struggle during adolescence and adulthood even to figure out who you are and feel comfortable about it, but keeping secrets about facts about yourself is not one of the things I have found helped me feel like I could embrace my true self, so why are these parents keeping a biological fact secret about their child?
I have read a lot of neuroscience books on early childhood development and and I now believe they are different, and different in important ways, and can be treated differently to great benefit.
boy and girls are different neurologically and physically at this stage. There are some great books on raising boys that really go into depth about this.
But for a child to feel secure, I believe they have to feel and know their parent is in charge

Excellent points!!!