Hello there ... 40 year old, two boys, Vasectomy Reversal ahead of us.

[Sweetplum]

Thanks SP, I've really enjoyed this thread.

if it helps at all, I think that for many of us, myself very much included here, it cuts so sharp because our lives AREN'T incredible. It is that we don't have all this stuff, and we also don't have THAT. If you do have this amazing, wonderful life, then you go, girl. This is a speed bump to you. None of us ever get everything we want in this world and that is ok. Just by virtue of being born when and where we are, we have more than most. Luscious dresses and sparkly shoes aren't all they're cracked up to be, and I just enjoyed a conversation with my 20 year old SON on the telephone more than I've enjoyed buying any of them. it's not that I'm not happy with my own decisions, because I am, but I can see how a different set of decisions would also make a person happy and I just want you guys to know that. Wishing you the best moving on.

I wanted to write back on this before I move on, yes, it might seem like I have 'everything' to those who look in on me from 100 feet. My life seems perfect, people are intimidated (which is hard for me actually). I really like this place because it is an equalizer. I come from wealth, I have all that 'stuff' that should make life perfect but if you strip all that away it doesn't really matter. We all feel the same thing, and seek understanding when we are struggling and I think ALL moms struggle during their childbearing years, if not on gender on when to stop having babies or something else. I frankly value the depth of people and their resilience over the silver spoon (for good reason as I've seen what the silver spoon can do) and that is why this place has been good. There are real women here.

My husband has said I should write a book as a project. I think this is what I'm going to spend my time on. I love places like this where I can write and meet others so I may be back if I do decide to write something....you are a very selfless person Atomic, all your beautiful children (boy or girl!) are so very very lucky to have you as mom.

[Sweetplum]

Well said! So many things you said are exactly how I feel too. I too was/am having trouble with the end of my childbearing years. I am finally embracing what I have in front of me and being fully present with my three, sweet boys. I'm looking forward to what the future holds for us. While I wish my DH had the DD he desired, I'm grateful we tried one last time and have a beautifully, healthy baby boy! I have always wanted to be a boy mom, and I'm thankful to have them. While I felt I wasn't through having children, I began to realize that the prospect of trying one more time was something I was forcing. Nothing good ever comes from force.

I feel free. Thank you so much for posting your thoughts on the matter. I've been reading your posts and it has cause me to reflect on my thoughts and feelings.

I wish you peace and happiness !


DS1, DS2, & DS3 completes our family!

XX,
I've read your posts too and I do feel we have a shared story. It is hard to talk about these things in 'real life' as it can be too sensitive for those close to us....too invested in a way. Giving in to the present is really nice! I'm excited to not have to diet and worry and looking forward to finding another fun project for myself All the best to you and your family. Three boys sounds like a dream. Enjoy them!

[Dreamsister]

Dear Sweetplum. Wauh. You are not waisting your time. What a deveopment you have gone through just in this short time being present at this site. I really admire your ability to reflection, your sincereness and openess. I wish I could reach the same conclusion as you and xxforhubby: being happy with the kids I have and not wanting more. Take care and enjoy. And many thanks for sharing your thoughts with us.


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[Complex Emotions]

My story is ... about maturing through this and lowering my expectations but not my standards. About putting my children's health first over what I want out of childbearing for me. It's about being unsure of things sometimes and learning that this is OK and I can't make decisions that change my feelings...in the future I have to give my feelings space before decisions. It's about me knowing that I'll have pangs of envy... It's about me being a REALLY good boy mom and knowing that.

This is so beautiful. I'm glad we joined this site around the same time. Your perspective on life shows me that everything will be alright if our second baby is another little boy. Thank you.

[Complex Emotions]

Luscious dresses and sparkly shoes aren't all they're cracked up to be, and I just enjoyed a conversation with my 20 year old SON on the telephone more than I've enjoyed buying any of them.

There is something utterly mesmerizing about little girl clothes... there are dresses I still remember like I was looking at a photograph from the time I went shopping after finding out our first would be a boy. But I'd imagine it's not so different than when I buy myself an outfit that initially seems like it has the potential to change my life but then it inevitably doesn't fit comfortably, or it gets ruined right away.

Clothes are just clothes. It would probably be absolutely magical to shop for my daughter that first time after I found out we were having a girl. But then reality would probably set in, and shopping for a girl would probably become just about the same thing as shopping for a boy. Actually, maybe it would be worse since there's that weird pressure to be beautiful put on little girls.

[atomic sagebrush]

Yes exactly, it's just like that. I spent so much time and care and money picking out these scrummy clothes and most of them are hanging in a closet or in the chest of drawers because the day to day life she just is a busy bee and doesn't want to sit around looking like a puffball. When I put a bow on her head and take her out, she will remove the bow and we have lost about 10 really $$ bows that way. Many days (as you can see by my many avatar pics) I forget to brush her hair even (bad mom LOL but also because she hates it.) It's just not as AHMAYZING as I expected it to be and she has bigger fish to fry.

[Sweetplum]

Thanks ladies. I am obsessed with looking online at girl clothes but I know it's mostly because I don't actually have a girl to dress and it's really fleeting since you can only dress them for the first few years anyway - then they will start to dress themselves...I'm not into bows and frilly things but more lush patterns and bright colors. My boys wear stripes and patterns all the time so I'm only missing out on the pink patterns I guess

I am back here as a bunch of feelings came up this AM when I found out my friend named her baby girl who was born last week "Margaux". I think I may have mentioned that our girl name would be "Margot". It's little things like this that make the feelings bubble up but I'm getting better at putting them in their place and realizing that they are only temporary and related to something external not internal. Seeing the adorable newborn pictures of her was hard though, just made me want to cuddle with a newborn in a cozy rocking chair....

In the past few days I've been able to stop myself pretty quickly when my mind starts wandering down the path of a third child, a little because it just isn't smart with my age and my past (and as I've realized I have a lot to lose by pushing this) but mostly because I am genuinely excited about life with my family as it is and moving forward. But now I understand that being happy/content doesn't mean that I'll never have these feelings of longing or sadness pop up sometimes, just that I'll accept them instead of fight them or give into them.

It's good to find peace even with some discomfort now and then, feels like progress.
Hope all are well

[atomic sagebrush]

If it helps at all, many of us when we did get our DD, found that the "dream name" was not right any more. It's happened to several people who always had a name or three in the back of their minds and then even when we get a daughter it isn't "her." I hadn't even THOUGHT of my daughter's name till the night before I had her!

Even at first, they just don't always love the dresses. I remember putting her into dresses when she was a baby and she'd step on the hem and get frustrated because she couldn't even stand up! They are really impractical and you end up putting them into the dress for 3 minutes so you can take a picture before she grows out of it, and it just isn't this transformative experience, if that makes sense.

[Sweetplum]

it just isn't this transformative experience, if that makes sense.

Yes. This 100% makes sense. I think I have a tendency to daydream a lot and I know very very well that my daydreams are usually way more fun in my head than if they actually become a reality. Vacations are always like this for me. So was going out and trying meet guys when I was in my 20s!

The name thing makes sense too.

[Sweetplum]

Been having stronger feelings about having another child again lately. I've gotten pretty good at putting the feelings away but for the past week or so I just have this awful baby fever whenever I see a baby, see a picture of a baby or hear about a baby. Not sure if this is just who I am and that this will never change or if I need to re-evaluate our decision again and possibly re-consider quitting at two.

It's frustrating to just not be able to move on