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  1. #1
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    Newbie on the fence about TTC

    Hi Ladies,

    I’m relatively new here and am on the fence about having another child. We have 3 wonderful boys (6, 4, almost 2) and have been debating trying for a fourth. DH mildly prefers a fourth but he is sure it will be a girl and I am more realistic. Three kids is my “number,” I am comfortable with it and don’t think it would be too different logistically to have 4. We are hoping to get a bigger car and house as the kids get older, but that would force us to do it sooner. Our oldest is “gender non conforming” so that affects the dynamics as well. The main concerns I have are 1) there is no guarantee that it would be a girl (HT is not an option for us) and I haven’t gotten to the point where I want another child, just a daughter, and 2) financial strain (daycare, saving for college, vacation- we have family overseas that I would like us to visit at least a couple times while the kids are growing up).

    Has anyone been in a similar situation and made peace with not going for another child past your ideal number? Did you regret it after a few years when baby fever struck again? We are on the older side (36) and would not wait much longer if we were to try again.

    I would also be interested in knowing swaying statistics with families of 3 boys+, ie what percentage of sways with parents already with 3 boys were successful vs the general population? Personally, I know at least twice as many families with 4 boys than BBBG.

    Thanks for your advice and support!

  2. #2
    Swaying Advice Coach
    atomic sagebrush's Avatar
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    A LOT of people have been in this situation.

    Back 12 years ago now (WOW!) when I was pregnant with my 3rd son and really struggling, I met a lot of great people online who were in the same boat. For whatever reason, most of the people I was closest to actually did not keep trying and simply mourned the daughter that they didn't have and continued with their life. I, on the other hand, tried again (got my 4th boy) and again (got my girl). Now, I wouldn't do things any differently as I sit here today BUT I will tell you, all those ladies who decided to just go on with their lives all seem really very happy over the past decade. They're out and about, they're doing things, they're taking vacations and posting pictures of themselves with margaritas on the beach - and I am decidedly not. Kids cost money and more kids cost more money. More kids take time that you may want to do other things with. When we're in the baby phase we often forget, but you WILL eventually want to do things again for yourself. I will admit that has been the hardest part of my 3 younger children - even though I got my girl in the end, once I got out of the gender desire and having a baby excitement, I still want to do things for myself and I have so much less ability to DO that than I did before.

    I feel very "done" in a way that I did not feel after my 2nd, 3rd, and 4th. I don't think it's that I got a girl, I just feel like 5 was my number if that makes sense. I do think I would have had regrets if I hadn't had my 4th and 5th. But other people had regrets too and they seemed to manage them over the course of time.

    Obviously you will never regret the kids you have. I'm just saying, there are tradeoffs, and sometimes on these types of sites we play up the ZOMG BABEEEE because we all love babies so I want to bring out the other side. Life is harder than it would be if I hadn't had my little ones, in several ways, and I've had to make sacrifices that are not always super great.

    Stats for a girl after 3 boys are the same as for the overall results of the site - about 70%. Most of our swayers on here have 2-3-4 boys already so having many boys doesn't make it harder to get a girl.
    !!! Questions?? Check out the NEW and improved Complete Index !!!

    LOOKING FOR YOUR SWAY PLAN? Have you checked the coaching forum? It will be posted in the same place your questionnaire is! https://www.genderdreaming.com/forum/completed-questionnaires-and-private-coaching-access/

    LE Diet Ideas Threads: https://www.genderdreaming.com/forum/trying-to-conceive-a-girl/54174-brand-sparkly-pink-new-diet-thread-girl-sways.html and here:https://www.genderdreaming.com/forum/trying-to-conceive-a-girl/54926-le-diet-thread.html?highlight=le+diet+meal+ideas

    LE Diet PCOS idea thread here: https://www.genderdreaming.com/forum/trying-to-conceive-a-girl/47264-le-diet-pcos.html

    PLEASE STOP SENDING ME SWAYING QUESTIONS VIA PRIVATE MESSAGE. Post swaying questions in the forums ONLY.

  3. #3
    IVF Advice Coach
    nuthinbutpink's Avatar
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    Welcome!
    Mom to

    and my IVF/PGD

    It's better to look back on life and say: "I can't believe I did that" than to look back and say "I wish I did that".

    New to IVF/PGD for Family Balancing? Read this- Understanding IVF/PGD- a HT Guide for those New to the IVF/PGD Process

    Need a Natural Swaying Plan? Naturally sway for a boy or a girl- Personalized Swaying Plans

    Become a Dream Member to access the private forums

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  5. #4
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    Thanks for your honest and thoughtful answer. I think I’ll start the LE diet/exercise for twelve weeks and then make a decision, if I can.

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