So conflicted and sad.

[more pink]

Great news best wishes for a successful pregnancy and a pink bean :-)

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[Dreamsister]

Great news. So happy for you. You are now in process. Go for it


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[Boom]

Have you researched vasectomy reversal success rates?

[Sweetplum]

Have you researched vasectomy reversal success rates?

Great question. We are meeting with urologist next week. The V is only 13 months old so I'm guessing my age is a bigger factor than the reversal but we will get more info next week.
My OB seems to feel that my health is fine, my egg supply is fine (although old) and my DH seems to not be excessively resistant to talking about a reversal.

Honestly, I feel deeply sorry that we did the V in the first place. We should have waited. There was so much going on when we did it and even though I was very unsure but I didn't want to derail the train so I let it go. This is a life lesson I would have preferred to have not learned the hard way (I should have listened to my girl friend who told me to think about it more) and I wish DH and I could just let nature take it's course instead of me feeling awful about the V.

I will update after the Urologist appt. i'm guessing the stats for DH as a 36 year old with only 13 months in and no issues are good but we shall see.

[Sweetplum]

Great news. So happy for you. You are now in process. Go for it


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I want to. If it's the right thing to do. Believe me. Do you have a 'group' of some sort I can join for support if we decide to take the leap?

[bigbump]

Hi Sweetplum
I hope you don't mind me jumping in late. I have just joined this site and am reading around and your post stood out. It stood out because we have some similarities. So your soul searching sounds very like my own at the moment.

Like you, I have 2 boys and am 40 years old. However my youngest is only 7 months old. I love my boys very much but honestly, I am really struggling with the fact that I won't have a daughter. For whatever reasons it seems that having a female child is massively important to me and I am in the strange place of being so in love with my boys but yet gutted to not have a girl. I too have a lovely life, a loving husband, and I have lots of be thankful for, but I am not in a great place.

I have spent the last year (since I found out my 2nd was a boy at the 20 week scan) trying to get myself into a positive place about my family make up, with some success. However this week my sister (I am 1 of 3 sisters) has announced she is pregnant with a girl. My other sister had a girl a year ago. So maybe like you I am questioning if I am 'done'. I have friends who are 'done' and are so happy with that decision, but I'm not there.

Unlike you my husband isn't so on board. He is 12 years older than me and already had a son and 2 daughters before we met. That obviously complicates things and I have struggled with him having daughters with someone else very much. I love my stepkids (2 are adults) but the relationship I have with them doesn't assuage my desire for my own children. I had to convince him into having our 2nd baby and obviously he is now OLD to be having babies so that's a factor too.

I'm just very conflicted. I don't know how to give up on my dream of a daughter. I have been looking at pgd but the odds at my age are awful. I could sway but honestly I am deep down after a daughter. I'm struggling with giving 'her' up, although two children is better, simpler and easier for us, with the logistics of step children too, in so many ways.

Im really pleased you have reached your decision. Do you think if you were in my situation you would have reached another? I think I need to really decide what I want to do before I can focus on getting my head around whatever that decision is, but then there's my husband too. I genuinely wish I didn't care. I used to be so happy. If anyone has any advice on coming to terms with a family picture they didn't envision I'd really appreciate that too. I know I probably sound really selfish. Thanks for reading.

[1moregirl]

Big bump - I am in a different situation again to yourself. I just wanted to say that no way are you being selfish. I am sure it is every woman's natural desire to have at least one baby girl to cherish, not that we don't cherish our baby boys either. I totally understand where you are coming from. I had my last baby 2 months before I turned 41 (a boy) so it is possible for anyone else as well. Have you had a deep discussion with your DH about your desire for a daughter of your own? Surely he would have to understand it from your point of view. Perhaps you could both come to some sort of compromise where he doesn't have to get up to the baby during the night, for example? Maybe if you could get your DH on board you could do a high tech girl sway with Atomic's help? Sorry if I'm not too helpful here. Just wanted to say I understand and that you are def no selfish. Others like myself who are wanted a sister for a daughter they have already could perhaps be called selfish but certainly not yourself (hope I don't offend anyone with that last comment. Certainly not meaning too.)

[atomic sagebrush]

I find that when the door is REALLY, TRULY closed it gets easier for people.

There is something about the possibility that is tortuous.

I have seen tons of women who started this journey with me, NOT get their DG and just make the decision to move on with their lives and they all seem to be having way more fun than I am. They post pictures of themselves with their husbands drinking margaritas on vacation in Hawaii, and it looks great.

I have a DD and I'm happy of course but it isn't this trancendent experience that changes everything.

[1moregirl]

That's sooo true Atomic. It's all such a personal thing isn't it? I mean, I have friends in their mid 30s who are settled and don't want any more kids - one has 2 boys and another has 2 girls, and they couldn't be happier. Isn't it interesting?

[bigbump]

Thanks 1moregirl. I don't think you are selfish either. The heart wants what the heart wants. Having had two boys I think my ideal would be two of each! I'm glad I had my boys bc they have taught me how fab and fun boys are, which I hadn't learned from my exclusively female upbringing. So I do consider myself lucky to have learned that lesson.

Ironically after typing this yesterday my sister text me last night (the one preg with her 1st girl after 2 boys) she asked me if I was ok and was just so sweet. She told me I was the first person she thought of when she was in the scan and found out. That made me feel pretty bad. She shouldn't be worrying about me. She should be enjoying every second and celebrating. It set me off being very upset which opened up the conversation again with my hb. I think he might be open to going HT. Just one go to know we tried. I need to look into it some more but at my age it might be pointless. It actually really helped just knowing he cared about me enough to even discuss it. That doesn't necessarily make it the right decision tho.

I agree with you Atomic. It's uncertainty which is so hard. I envy those women who have found their peace. I wish I was there. Maybe this questioning is just part of that process.

Thanks so much for your replies ladies.