Miracle attempt finished....

[Erin514]

I agree with XX, I would file a complaint against the radiologist. It was completely unprofessional and offensive for her to ask you whether the pregnancy was planned and criticize you over your age. She was WAY out of line for any situation, much less dealing with a miscarriage when one would normally expect some sensitivity.

[atomic sagebrush]

I'm so sorry. I don't even have the words.

[MrsGoodies]

11w0d

This morning I had a dream that I gave birth without any pain & the baby was all perfectly formed in a crystal clear sac which fit in my palm. It was a BOY! Every feature was perfectly formed and i could see everything. I was fumbling around with the camera trying to get a picture of him. My mother was there (i have no idea why bc we haven't spoken for years) and I was deciding what to name him tossing about "Charles" or something else....when suddenly the baby opened his eyes and he had the bluest eyes I've ever seen. Even though he was still in his sac, I could hear his voice clear as day in my mind..and he said "My name is Fox". I told him he was beautiful and I was sorry he couldn't stay and he replied that he was happy where he was. Then the sac started to turn cloudy and i was upset bc something was wrong with the camera and I was trying to get a picture of his face. I thought what a shame I wouldn't see him grow up and know what he looks like. Then the sac burst and I was holding the baby in my palm but he was bigger now -asleep. He just kept growing bigger and bigger until he was the size of a full term term baby. I could see his face but he remained perfectly still - always asleep ....it was then I realized I was holding a stillborn child in my arms.


Then I woke up feeling "wet".

When I opened my eyes i gasped bc the overnight maxi was soaked, pj were bloody but only in the front, my sheets & my blankets had a blood stain the size of a dinner plate on them, but I was in NO PAIN. NONE! My youngest had crawled into bed with me and with wide eyes declared "Mommy, there's BLOOD everywhere!"....so I smiled at him and explained that Mommy had a "little accident"....but he rushed downstairs to tell everyone while I started ripping the sheets off the bed.

Then I locked the door and went to the bathroom and i felt a huge clot in my soaked underwear. It was the size of a grapefruit! I placed it in a strainer and cleaned myself up. I started searching through the clots looking for the sac, carefully breaking each piece in my fingers...but they all kept breaking apart. I couldn't find anything

Went downstairs and put the sheets in the washer...that's when DH stopped in the doorway. He didn't say anything, he just held me and gave me a big hug.....then I lost it and started sobbing. We just stood there in silence for a very long time without saying a word. That he just "knew" what was happening without me having to spell it all out for him touched me deeply.

After a few minutes, he asked if I needed anything and I told him to take the kids to see that new Star Wars movie. I drank another cup of STRONG RRL and started making chicken soup. Took my BP which was stable and I am lying in bed frustrated that I couldn't find the sac.

Now my bleeding has completely STOPPED cold turkey. I am so so upset that I couldn't find the placenta & sac. When i passed it, the clot literally looked like a big piece of calves liver. Then after I composed myself, i started fishing thru the strainer with my fingers trying to feel around for anything that felt like tissue. I just made a huge mess and it looked like chopped up liver by the time I was done. there was something that seemed like a membrane but when I put it in the saline it literally dissolved and I was left with a container of bloody saline and some stringy stuff.

Absolutely nothing grey or tissue like or anything like my last miscarriage (where the placenta/sac was the size of my palm, dark maroon, felt fleshy & firm and couldn't be broken up)

I feel so stupid for flushing the clots away. Now i wonder if I missed something? If I did, it would probably be too tiny for testing.

I've had 5 miscarriages and never one like this. All that prep for nothing.

I feel GREAT! I was baking cookies this afternoon. I literally feel gypped in my miscarriage - I FREAKING SLEPT RIGHT THRU IT!

My "Unconsious Miscarriage" I'm calling it.

[1moregirl]

Wow MrsG! I don't know what to say either, except that I'm relieved that you didn't haemmoragh and/or have to have a D&C. Don't forget a lot of what you are feeling now is due to all your hormones. Give yourself time Hun. And look after yourself. You don't have to decide right now if you want to ttc again. Right now your priority is just taking care of yourself for your own health and so you can take care of your precious boys. I'm soooo sorry you are going through all of this again. It's just horrendous and it's the one thing that terrifies me about getting pregnant again. I get terrified of another horrible miscarriage, haemmorrage or getting pregnant with a baby with something wrong with it. I just don't know if I have the emotional strength to deal with any of those scenarios. Right now, I am planning to go back and do some work next year to earn some money while my littlest man is at kinder. I am also planning to get myself (and kids) a red toy poodle puppy (fur baby). I also plan to get some counselling in the New Year to help me come to terms with the end of my babymaking days and how to look forward to other new chapters. Mind you, I will be still ttc as well and if it happens, then all well and good, but if it doesn't....I'll be ok with that as well. I do have a friend who only ever managed to have one child of her own (a boy) and they also ended up with a little foster boy as well, so it helps me when I remember there are people out there and around me like that, and I have been blessed to have three. Anyway, don't give up on yuor dream just yet my dear. Have yuo been taking ubiquinol at all? I have a friend on that Facebook group who swears that she got pregnant successfully when she upped her ubiquinol intake from 200 to 400mg per day. Could've just been coincidence, I don't know, but she had a miscarriage after taking 200, but when she upped it to the 400 she got successfully pregnant and gave birth at 46 years to a little boy. I think she was taking some other supps as well that sway boy, but maybe if you try that honey it might work for you too? I am wanting to do that as well, but right now this close to Xmas, I don't have money to buy myself a new face moisturiser let alone ubiquinol. Lol! I will start it in the New Year. Take care of yourself, and have lots more cuddles with DH and your boys. Thinking of you and keeping you in my prayers. Xxxooo

[MrsGoodies]

Started bleeding profusely today. Passed out & barfed @ home. DH called 911. Now at hospital.

Please pray 4 me

[Kittybear]

Hope you are better soon xx

[1moregirl]

Oh no MrsG...just read your latest update. How horrible! I'm soooo sorry you are going through this. I hope and pray this nightmare will be over for you quickly so you can be home again with DH and your boys. What a dreadful thing to endure right before Christmas. My heart aches for you Hun. I know it's terrifying, but you will be ok and that's the main thing. Big hugs your way. Xxoo

[MiaMelb]

Your experience sounds harrowing. I'm so sorry you haven't been treated with the care and empathy that you deserve.

[honeybee37]

Please post an update when you are able. Thinking of you. X


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[MrsGoodies]

So the ER doc did an internal and my birth canal & cervix was filled with clots...which he removed. Then bleeding tapered off considerably. A couple hrs later obgyn consult arrived and did ANOTHER internal...he sponged off the remaining blood and thinks my cervix is done for now.

I am being held overnight for obsevation bc my hemoglobin is very low. Getting an us and more labs in the morning.

Please pray that I've passed it all and won't need surgery and can go back home to my babies