Urgent advice please for plan of attack. :)

[1moregirl]

It's most likely I would've had a positive OPK on CD 20 or 21 since the first negative one I did on CD 22 was not far off a positive, but a definite neg since that second line was not as dark as the control line. Soooo frustrating. Look at all that BD we did....that in itself was exhausting as there were quite a few late nights there. And just when I was pleased with our BD efforts, it seems after all that we missed O day and after O any bloody way. Oh well....I guess if you get a really good quality egg you'd only need a couple of good Bd attempts just prior to O to nail that egg wouldn't yuo? I keep seeing my friend with her lovely big round 37 week baby belly and I just want that sooomuch as well...just one last time. I still find it very difficult to accept that I used to be highly fertile (even my last child was conceived with 1 BD attempt in my whole fertile window at the age of 40) and now I'm starting to wonder if I have any decent eggs left.

[MrsGoodies]

Looks to me like you BD nearly everyday and even if you didn't BD ON O day, then there would be day before and 2 days prior to boot so you have your bases covered.

If knowing exact day of O will be driving you crazy then get some opk so you wont have any doubts.

I do opk 2-3x per day in my window just to make sure i dont miss it.

[atomic sagebrush]

Again, and I'm sorry to sound like a broken record, but I feel like you get so focused on when you've BDed when the elephant in the room really IS your eggs. That's what the issue is. I wish it wasn't, but that's what it is, and all the stress/obsessing about when you DTD is only HURTING your chances because your body interprets that as too stressful a situation to take a chance on pregnancy.

There is no way any of us can tell you "oh yes this one thing needs to be changed" or that if you'd only BD on a different day you'd have gotten pregnant. The odds are against you at this point so just try to keep finding that place of acceptance where you keep having sex but other than that just put it out of your mind as much as possible. good luck.

[MrsGoodies]

Again, and I'm sorry to sound like a broken record, but I feel like you get so focused on when you've BDed when the elephant in the room really IS your eggs. That's what the issue is. I wish it wasn't, but that's what it is, and all the stress/obsessing about when you DTD is only HURTING your chances because your body interprets that as too stressful a situation to take a chance on pregnancy.

.

This isn't exactly true. It s not the eggs which are the problem but rather the HORMONAL ENVIRONMENT from which they are grown.

They have proven this in animal studies where old ovaries are placed into young animals and healthy litters are born. The 'old' eggs grew, matured and divided just as the 'young eggs' did because they were bathed in the ideal amount of hormones.

The idea of "old eggs" will soon be in the rubbish bin along with "its impossible for old women to give birth" (which was thought until 20 yrs ago)...yeah until these women's bodies are bathed in hormones and then it suddenly becomes possible for a 65 yr old women to deliver twins!

[atomic sagebrush]

And the difference to any of this is...what? I'm not trying to write an informative essay on the whys and wherefores of all this, I'm trying to help keep it real instead of giving false hope.

Fact is, HALF a woman's eggs or more are dead by the time they are born. Millions more die before hit puberty. Tons of them die month after month regardless of what our hormones are. Our eggs are programmed to die by the time we reach a certain age. It is what it is. I'm not saying this to be a big fat meanie, I'm saying it to report the facts which are that the older we get, the harder it is to get pregnant. Yeah, they may fix that someday, but in the here and now, this is reality. It's tough as hell to get pregnant in mid-40's, period, end of story. It absolutely sucks, honestly I wouldn't mind riding the merry go round one more time either, but this is the truth of the situation.

When I have someone every month who is devastated and depressed, making themselves miserable, beating themselves up over what they did wrong, poring over calendars and temp charts, wishing they had BD a slightly different pattern or a different day, wondering what would have happened if only they had taken a magic pill, while the elephant in the room is sitting there quietly reading the newspaper I'm sorry, I HAVE TO point that out. Age is the most likely reason why a person in their mid 40's has not gotten pregnant. By far. I wish I didn't have to say it again and again that this is the truth of the situation. I don't particularly want to, in fact I hate it, but when I am being asked point blank what a person did "wrong" and why they didn't conceive, what am I supposed to do? Say nothing? Suggest a series of ineffective but harmless herbs? Lie and have them tweak BD a little this way or that knowing all the time that it's a placebo?

Now, my recommendation is to simply try to accept this and keep on trying. That's the solution. Ruining one's life for 2 weeks every month, over an expectation of a positive pregnancy test every month that probably isn't coming, is NOT a solution. My advice, for whatever it's worth, which may entirely be nothing at all, is to stop expecting the BFP, stop letting it rain on the parade and ruin little the time we are given with the children we DO have, and roll with it. The egg may show up. Go into it with eyes wide open, accepting the facts of the situation for what they are, and sometimes we get lucky. Spending one's life sad and depressed with a pee stick in one hand and a vaginal thermometer in the other is no way to live.

[MrsGoodies]

When I have someone every month who is devastated and depressed, making themselves miserable, beating themselves up over what they did wrong, poring over calendars and temp charts, wishing they had BD a slightly different pattern or a different day, wondering what would have happened if only they had taken a magic pill, while the elephant in the room is sitting there quietly reading the newspaper I'm sorry, I HAVE TO point that out. Age is the most likely reason why a person in their mid 40's has not gotten pregnant. By far. I wish I didn't have to say it again and again that this is the truth of the situation. I don't particularly want to, in fact I hate it, but when I am being asked point blank what a person did "wrong" and why they didn't conceive, what am I supposed to do? Say nothing? Suggest a series of ineffective but harmless herbs? Lie and have them tweak BD a little this way or that knowing all the time that it's a placebo?

Sorry, but I was under the impression this was a "Later Moms" SUPPORT board...not a "Sucks to be you" tough love board.

Its hard conceiving over 40 I will give you that, however I hear enough negativity IRL from doctors, well meaning friends (who think I'm crazy for even thinking of another), to even my own reluctant DH....i come here for a bit if support, good wishes and by golly...even some HOPE and positive stories.

Atomic, I can't imagine that you would go to an infertility board and tell someone with male factor who was looking for support and suggestions on how to improve their husband's sperm count with:

"well, you need to face facts...you are not getting pregnant because your husband's sperm can't swim....his sperm sucks...period. NO amount of supplements and wishes is going to change that so you need to just accept it and move on and stop praying for a miracle...sorry"

I'm sure 1moregirl is simply coming here for some well wishes and encouragement...and the occasional vent. We should support her as best we can

[1moregirl]

I can see both of your points of view. Just to be clear, I am not depressed and hung up about not getting a BFP. I have indeed accepted that it most likely won't happen again for me, but it is still nice to come on here and get support when the rest of the world does seem to be negative about women in their 40s getting pregnant (like MrsG said). It's also difficult to come here to the 'later Mums' section and reading, for example, a woman who is 38 and questoining whether or not she should do one more try to conceive the boy or girl she so desires when '38 is definitely her cutoff age limit to get pregnant again.' Reading things like that is pretty tough I find. Perhaps we need a forum group specifically for women ttc in their 40s? I certainly don't waste time with OPKs and BBT and I certainly DO cherish the beautiful children that I do have and spend as much time with them every day that I possibly can. I don't sit around at home depressed because I'm not getting pregnant again, etc. No way! But every now and then it is nice to come on here and vent when we have limited friends, family members (and even husbands like MrsG said) who understand and know what we are going through. Anyway, I have a bandaged up belly at the moment because a week ago I accidentally spilled boiling water straight from the kettle onto it and ended up with almost second degree burns. It hurt more than labour! But I'm just glad it was me and not one of the kids. It is school holidays here so been catching up with friends and enjoying our puppy and the unusually warm Autumn weather we have been having. My DH turned 47 on the 4th and has been quite moody again lately and not very talkative with me (I could almost swear he is going through some sore of midlife crisis) so I'm just trying to be cheerful and avoiding him a bit to be honest. I'll attach a pic of my chart so far. I think it is going to have been one hell of a long cycle by the time AF arrives. Also, I don't know if I am getting early menopause symptoms but every time I do the dishes I feel very hot and my cheeks start to flush. Could that be what it is? I dunno.

IMG_4097.jpg

[MrsGoodies]

Ouch! That belly situation sounds horrible. Pray it heals up soon.

TTC over 40 board sounds like a good idea but it would probably only have 2 members LOL!

I realy question a lot of stats for over 40 since 95% of the population has voluntarily stopped ttc by then.

Fwiw, after teenagers, abortion rates are second highest in the over 40 group....too many "surprise pg" for women assuming they are no longer fertile.

[1moregirl]

Thanks MrsG. And for all your support. I wish there were a few more of us in our 40s in here. I know that I am a bit manic with my ttc posts...one week I am saying 'I've lost hope...it's never gonna happen, etc, etc....' and then another week I am saying, 'well...I'm still trying but it's ok if it doesn't happen, etc, etc.' I really just come on here to vent and let out what is going on in my mind when I can't express these thoughts to others and because we are amongst like-minded supportive ladies. I am certainly not sitting around depressed because I haven't gotten pregnant again and/or obsessed with POAS. No way! I'm a very devoted hands-on, home-schooling Mum and I cherish every day, night and moment with my kids...and Dh of course. Anyway, I do have a question....sure you can't be cranky like PMT cranky and the mild period pains in tummy and lower back and feeling bloated and end up with a BFP? I just can't remember TBH. I remember being cranky when pregnant with our third but I'm sure thwt was after we'd gotten the BFP and somewhere between week 4 and 6. All day today I have felt like AF has been coming and at one stage whilst doing the dishes I felt wet below and took off to the loo expecting AF to be there but no...no spotting...nothing. I also haven't had the usual EWCM that I usually get the day before AF arrives. Anyway, I did pee in jar this morning but it's been sitting there all day unused as I couldn't muster up an ounce of courage to do a HPT. Will see what tomorrow brings. Perhaps my BBT will have dropped a lot in the morning and AF will arrive.

[1moregirl]

Well...just another BFN to add the collection. I shouldn't be surprised. I guess I really was holding onto a little glimmer of hope this time. Especially after that temp rise yesterday. But then when it had dropped this morning I knew it was game over. I just wish AF would hurry up and bloody arrive already. I have felt it coming since yesterday yet I did a HPT today and it was definitely negative. Not even a hint of a second line. Damn! I had quite a bit of period type pains after O this time round so thought I was in with a chance since last time I had that I'm sure I got a BFP. I should've had that Hysterescopy probably. Oh well...