WOW - this is a new low for a doc's office. Devastating and INFURIATING

[meeks32]

Lace I basically just had the same exact experience from my gp (Australia, where we apparently have one of the best health systems in the world). Unfortunately I live in a small town (800 people) and we only have one gp, with no facilities for ultrasound, and a nurse who does blood tests only on weekday mornings. Our 'good' gp left a few years ago to be replaced with one I call Dr Skeptical. Consequently i don't ever go to the doctor. my last appt was in june after a 10 week flu which became a lung infection and the idiot told me to go home and rest, until I got so desperate I went to someone else (who had a far more proactive response and didn't patronise me or treat me like an idiot).

Sometimes Dr Skeptical's sick or takes holidays and we get a replacement who is DrAwesome. Unfortunately this was not one of those times, this is how it went:

GRRRRRRRRRRR

Well Dr Skeptical was his usual dismissive self, basically I went in, he said "are you still TTC?" (Referring to June when while hocking up my left lung I mentioned we were having trouble conceiving) I said "Yes, that's why I'm here" he said "right, so i'll give you a referral to someone then" and turned around to his computer. THANKS FOR THE COMPASSION. His fave thing to do is to fob things off onto another doctor to deal with.

He then proceeded to cut down each of my questions one by one, saying little gem's like "It can be completely normal to take some time to conceive" and "there are all kinds of reasons why a luteal phase can vary" and "I've seen people take 7 years to conceive after having their first baby or babies quickly" and "you are 28 (almost 29), there is no reason to rush, relax, don't even make the appointment with the specialist for a few months, just keep trying, you have time"

GRRRRR how insensitive! Completely missing the emotional roller coaster that is TTC. Why would I want to keep this up?

I tried to point out that I conceived my sons quickly, I asked if I could have an ultrasound to check there is no ectopic given my weird period after my third chemical in a row, and to check there are no cycts or fibroids causing my spotting, and he said I don't need one. I tried to say how disheartening it is to try for so long, he said I was being silly. I tried to say how hard it was seeing I was pregnant then getting my period and loosing the baby 3 times, he said that is just the body getting rid of a pregnancy that could have been a baby with defects. BUT THIS HAS NEVER HAPPENED BEFORE! Didn't care. "Bodies change."

Everything I said he just shot down.

So he gave me a referral to a Dr IVF, whom I researched really well (I have a nursing friend that works with many midwives in our nearby large city which is 2hrs drive away, and she told me who to go to, and my previous OB's office happen to recommend him too). Dr IVF is supposedly very good and has a great and understanding nature so fx he helps. Anyway he's part of an IVF clinic, but they treat all stages of infertility and offer all kinds of treatments other than IVF so I assume this means Clomid would be obtainable from him. I suspect he'll do bloods though, being a 'professor' and all.

Anyway that appointment is on 18th Feb, around when I am due to ovulate (usually cd18-20). So my Clomid hope is dashed for this cycle, and I can't get bloods or ultrasound before then to make sure it's all ok in there, after my pregnancy ended, odd period and temps still very high.

I even tried to ask Dr Skeptical about progesterone treatment for spotting (wasn't planning to but got desperate for any kind of help to save this month's future baby) and Dr Skeptical just blew it off and said you can spot for all sorts of reasons. When I mentioned I never spotted ever before, even with ds 1 and 2, he just shrugged and said the body can change.

Then he printed some blood tests for me to take with me to the specialist... FROM JUNE 2012! I had bloods run when I was sick for 10 weeks back then and he has given these to take with me! They are all normal, but that's because I wasn't yet on LE diet. From memory I've only been on LE for 6ish months, and trying for 8 months so that would have been July or August. Which makes the blood tests invalid. Mind you I couldn't point that out since I was saying i'd been trying a year and not mentioning swaying... But regardless, old bloods are ridiculous, if the body can change which seemed to be his catch phrase, why would old bloodwork even be relevant?

Am so annoyed! But this is just typical of doctors and reinforces why I don't go (hence being sick 10 weeks before I went last time).

[LacePrincess]

Geez, meeks. I'm so sorry. Like we REALLY need this on top of the emotional hell we're already in, right?

I'm really sorry you don't even have any options. Dismiss Dr. Skeptical. I don't even care about bedside manner anymore, all I ask for these days is something better than outright incompetence. And yet even that is hard to find!

I'd so pay for health care out of pocket if it would get my family better care.

Anyways, ignore idiot doctor and make an appt with that specialist! You definitely have gone long enough. If it's feasible for you maybe you can consider travelling if you can find a good specialist, sometimes it's definitely worth the cost and logistics to find the right doctor.

[meeks32]

Yeah I'm over the gp so I just don't go, and when I have to take my kids I push him harder. If there comes a time when he gives me dangerous advice with the kids I'll take them to the city to a place I used to go, but a 4hr round trip with two young kids isn't fun.

I've made the specialist appointment though, if its just fertility stuff hopefully I won't have to go that often, fx. Or if I do I maybe can make it on daycare day. Will feel it out and see. I don't know anything about the costs or what insurance pays but usually with Aus private health only covers what happens in hospital and our public health can cover some things partially but I strongly doubt fertility services are one of them. For example when I went to my ob in pregnancy most visits were subsidised, but only by 50%. I don't know, I know IVF costs $10,000 a pop but obviously were not there yet. Hoping the lesser things like clomid aren't too pricey.

How are you feeling today?

I was more upset he didn't help me keep future baby than check out past one. Mind you, I did think I'd at least get a blood test to check hcg had returned to normal. I feel like now getting pregnant isn't as hard as staying pregnant. And I feel like I'm dooming one I might conceive this cycle to an early end, because I KNOW I won't keep it with a short luteal and my experience of the past 3 losses.

But I am very happy I have a plan for next month.

[LacePrincess]

Meeks, I'm very happy you have a plan! If I may ask, when have you been losing these pregnancies to suspect LPD? I assume you're starting to bleed before 12dpo everytime?

I'm glad that at least mine didn't start till after so I'm not sweating my LP at least.

I'm feeling pretty cruddy today, I seem to get waves of painful emotions that make me cry off and on all day, glad I don't have to be in public. I am planning to bury my FRER's and the gift envelope I had presented DH with in the garden in the spring and get a nice garden stone to put on top. I didn't think I'd need that for such an early loss but now planning it is bringing me a lot of comfort.

I'm also going to look for a collectible ornament as I collect ornaments. For the lost baby, but also the loss of this particular dream and innocence.

[meeks32]

Meeks, I'm very happy you have a plan! If I may ask, when have you been losing these pregnancies to suspect LPD? I assume you're starting to bleed before 12dpo everytime?

.

Ok so prior to taking soy I had af arrive on 10dpo religiously.

The month before i tried soy i had a pos pregnancy test on 9dpo then got af on 10.

After that I went on soy to extend my luteal, and had a pos test at 10dpo, then got af at 12dpo (so it extended but only just). Same happened last month but my temp didn't drop before af so I got confused. And my tests stayed pos til a few days after af.

[meeks32]

Meeks, I'm very happy you have a plan! If I may ask, when have you been losing these pregnancies to suspect LPD? I assume you're starting to bleed before 12dpo everytime?

I'm glad that at least mine didn't start till after so I'm not sweating my LP at least.

I'm feeling pretty cruddy today, I seem to get waves of painful emotions that make me cry off and on all day, glad I don't have to be in public. I am planning to bury my FRER's and the gift envelope I had presented DH with in the garden in the spring and get a nice garden stone to put on top. I didn't think I'd need that for such an early loss but now planning it is bringing me a lot of comfort.

I'm also going to look for a collectible ornament as I collect ornaments. For the lost baby, but also the loss of this particular dream and innocence.

Lace is this your first child? Or your first loss? It hurts different for everyone, I'm not feeling the need for closure but maybe that's because I've got 2 boys that are healthy and happy already. I do feel comforted by that.

I think whatever gives you closure is what you need to do. Xxx big hugs

[harleyquinn]

I"m sorry you are hurting Lace Princess. I think what it is, when we get that BFP something really biological happens and you immediately switch gears into "incubator mode"...like your mind is just SET on growing this baby and you settle into incubator mode very quickly. Then things get fouled up for one reason or another, and its very difficult to switch gears when you aren't ready. You will switch gears but an important part of that is being able to look forward. As I think you know, I've had 8 losses and sometimes I am moaning around afterwards but immediately get cheered up thinking ovulation is just around the corner. It is harder to recover when you don't think there is hope...so allow yourself to plan for next cycle and it all somehow works out.

I guess I recover quickly from the early losses because I want a baby SO BAD, I will keep plodding along until I get one that sticks and I can't keep plodding if my feet are stuck in mud. I'm not saying you are...but I get tempted to hide in a depression and give up (like I was in October after losing 12 week baby) but I want a baby SO BAD that I will keep striving to make it work even though alot of it just hurts and is discouraging. I want that baby. (I sound like a pedophile thats going to like, steal a baby LOL, I am not, I want my OWN baby) I've had some m/c where I was not ready to try again right away, and taking that little break is sometimes good to re-group. I almost think swaying makes these losses harder because we do put pressure on getting everything right for the "sway", and the thought of going through all that again can be daunting. I thnk thats why I don't do diet and all the timing stuff because I lose the baby anyway, so whats the point? I need to be as strong as possible and there is no way I can put myself through unnecessary stress.

Take care of yourself xx

[LacePrincess]

Lace is this your first child? Or your first loss? It hurts different for everyone, I'm not feeling the need for closure but maybe that's because I've got 2 boys that are healthy and happy already. I do feel comforted by that.

I think whatever gives you closure is what you need to do. Xxx big hugs

LOL meeks, goodness no this isn't my first baby. As per my siggy, I have quite the brood already! 3 boys, aged 8, 6, and 3.

But I've been very blessed to have absolutely trouble free pregnancies so far. No complications, no threatened m/c's, no losses. We never conceived easily but once that bean stuck, it stuck. I had BFP's early too, at 8-9dpo, and never did I have so much as a chemical. This is my first known loss, ever. I always knew I was lucky to have had problem free pregnancies so far and healthy kids, but I guess it didn't really hit home how lucky and blessed I've been until now.

Oh and for sure my kids are helping right now. Especially the 3yo - his snuggly kisses and hugs are the only thing that has made me really feel better the past few days.


Harley, that's a really great analogy. I LOVE that - it makes so much sense, and really explains why it feels like DH just doesn't 'get' it sometimes. To him, oh well we try again and moping won't change anything.

I admire you SO MUCH. I don't know how you stay strong after your losses, I really really really hope you get a sticky one very soon. I can't even imagine having hope after going through so much, and I certainly can't blame you for wanting to hide for awhile. At this point I just want another baby, and I've pretty much given up swaying, I really don't care what gender the baby is.

[black&gold]

I'm so sorry to hear this Lace! I know all too well about the lame Dr. situation here! Both my bad experiences have been during labor! First baby the nurses didn't believe me that I was in full blown labor because I was induced and it's 'impossible' for the cervadil to have any effect after 2hrs - even though I was having hard contractions ever 10 secs for 2 hrs. (she told me "oh you're still smiling so you aren't in labor" OR maybe I actually have a really high pain tolerance and even if I was about to DIE I'd still smile at you because that's how I am! Idiot!) Well sure my OB finally comes in to randomly check on me and freaked because something was seriously wrong as my body shouldn't be doing this! Of course after 4-5hrs of labor from a 0cm induction, I had my boy in my arms.

Second baby the Dr. didn't believe I was "in labor" again! (different doc) and went to sleep. Well the nurses rang him once I started pushing and he wouldn't answer - later found out because he was sleeping and ignored his page because he didn't believe it - and the freakin nurse made me 'hold' my baby in while he was CROWNING for 5 mins! - I never knew what it would feel like to have your pelvis driven over by a truck until those moments. I started going into shock, and basically almost passed out from the agony when the dr. ran in an my DS2 popped out. He had a black eye, head dent and messed up ear all from being stuck for so long. I was SOOOOO mad. My husband almost lost it on the guy!

Needless to say, if I ever get lucky enough to have enough baby I refuse to take any of this crap and am demanding my actual OB deliver my baby as she is wonderful! I'm sick of the idiot Dr. and nurses not believing me because I don't follow the 'textbook' way!

So frustrating for you.. I hope your new Dr. treats you way better!! xo

[LacePrincess]

Wow MsBlakely. I am SO SORRY you had to go through all that. That's horrific. Your experiences are a huge reason why I switched to midwife care last pregnancy, and why I will never look back if I have a choice.

I've heard of women having their babies held in so the damned doc can get there to 'catch' the baby. The only reason? So the OB gets paid for the delivery! No other reason. Women can deliver just fine ON THEIR OWN. But it just wouldn't do if the doc didn't get paid at the end of the day, would it?

And I thought I had it bad with my OB with my first two kids pressuring me to pop the kid out within X amount of time or else they'd c-section me. While on my back with an epidural of course. UGH.

I'm so glad your baby turned out healthy though, MsBlakely. I've heard horror stories about the baby ending up with cystic fibrosis and other problems from being shoved back in like that. That is medical malpractice pure and simple.