WOW - this is a new low for a doc's office. Devastating and INFURIATING

[harleyquinn]

Lace...I had my Drs appt today...GET THIS....was told "you are just TOO OLD" and if this one doesn't work out, its time to move on. You know maybe Dr is right but still...TOO OLD??? Can't they jazz it up with some medical lingo? Blame it on FSH or progesterone or something besides my AGE? She made me feel like I was a 40 year old woman "trying" to be young in a mini skirt with glitter nail polish wtih justin beiber on my iPod because I want another baby. Too old...bite my a$$!!!

Okay..rant over.

[Rosie85]

Sorry about your appointment, that is so dumb! Also very sorry to hear about the miscarriage :-(

I dislike most doctors, they think they know it all and don't have time to "waste". I was told at my first scan that I couldn't know my due date because women don't know their bodies well enough....excuse me?? They were all, oh ultrasounds don't lie! Pretty sure implantation pain and a positive test 24 hrs later doesn't lie either!

[LacePrincess]

Harley - JAW DROP here. Literally! Omg.

If I may, how old are you? And is this the GP or the infertility specialist today (sorry I should probably know, lol, but I've lost track)?

Gosh you really are in a black hole zone for decent docs. I'm so sorry. You're clearly ovulating still from your charts.....have they run FSH tests? Check your ovarian reserves, hormone levels, etc?

Geez I'm so pissed on your behalf!!


Rosie, I had to laugh. I cannot stand docs that dismiss us for knowing anything about our own bodies. I've ranted about the stupid pregnancy wheel before. It's always irked me because I've always O'ed late, around CD19-22. So by the stupid wheel they've always dated me a week ahead. And then they all freak out at the u/s when the baby looks small for age. Well duh, morons, that's because the baby is a week 'younger' than your stupid wheel said. Yk, the wheel I TOLD YOU WAS WRONG.

And yet, do they ever listen? Nooooooooooo.

[black&gold]

Wow MsBlakely. I am SO SORRY you had to go through all that. That's horrific. Your experiences are a huge reason why I switched to midwife care last pregnancy, and why I will never look back if I have a choice.

I've heard of women having their babies held in so the damned doc can get there to 'catch' the baby. The only reason? So the OB gets paid for the delivery! No other reason. Women can deliver just fine ON THEIR OWN. But it just wouldn't do if the doc didn't get paid at the end of the day, would it?

And I thought I had it bad with my OB with my first two kids pressuring me to pop the kid out within X amount of time or else they'd c-section me. While on my back with an epidural of course. UGH.

I'm so glad your baby turned out healthy though, MsBlakely. I've heard horror stories about the baby ending up with cystic fibrosis and other problems from being shoved back in like that. That is medical malpractice pure and simple.

Oh yah, with DS2 I'd had an epidural for maybe 30mins and the dr. said that if my contractions didn't speed up in 30mins he'd give me pitocin - which I never want/would refuse unless absolutely needed. I'd been at the hospital in total for maybe 1 hr. and my water was literally broken 10 mins before the epidural. You can clearly last HOURS with broken waters.. so why the rush to get me on pitocin. I was sitting there praying that the contractions would speed up and they finally did.. but then we had the dumb head issue. I don't even make a peep when I've delivered either babies.. but let me tell you I was screaming in pain from my pelvis seperating - I had to buy 2 size bigger jeans AFTER delivering because I couldn't fit into my maternity clothes my hips spread so much! Seriously, some Dr. are such idiots about getting paid for the deliveries etc. I'm so glad my actual OB is a gem.. but of course where we are you get the OB who's on call.. you might get lucky and get your own but it's only a 10% chance! (unless they are inducing you in which they do it on their day)

It's so frustrating. Maybe once you let things simmer you'll decide it's not even worth your energy and time to write them a letter. So glad you were able to switch and be rid of them!!!

[harleyquinn]

Thanks for caring Lace P...but this was the infertility doctor. She makes a squinty face when she looks at my chart and at me (in an effort of sympathy) and I got the big speech today of "you have to know when to quit" type thing...which is legit...I get that. Yes I have had all the blood work and she says at my age, I don't have the adequate hormones to sustain a pregnancy!!! Sh!t!!! She didn't want to do hcg bloodwork today, still told me to hold off on progersterone until next week if AF hasn't come because I think she believes the pg will fail. So..whatever.

The other issue I have is the blood clotting scenario...and I see a DIFFERENT doctor for that! But so far just baby aspirin is what I take for that.

And I"m 40 but still...I believe it can happen. Stupid ovaries....crank out some pregesterone already.

[LacePrincess]

It IS frustrating isn't it?

I'll still write the letter though. Not for myself (honestly, I'm switching docs and I don't care about getting anything out of it), but I do think if I can submit my experience to the proper overseeing authorities then hopefully someone else won't get the same treatment. My best friend suggested I submit the letter to the College of Physicians, which I will. Who knows if it'll get anywhere, and I won't bother chasing it or anything, but hopefully someone will get the message that this behaviour is not okay and not at all decent health care.

Oh Harley, . I'm sorry. I'd really hoped the infertility doc would help. I dunno, I think it's just hard to find decent practitioners. And I think docs just aren't sympathetic if you already have a few kids, big families just aren't the norm anymore. Maybe you could consider trying a naturopath doctor and go the holistic way? I dunno, worth considering.

And hey, don't give up hope yet! Until menopause hits, you always, always have a chance.

[harleyquinn]

Thank you I feel like we have dumped on you all these stories but I think we all understand a bit how it feels to get the short end at the dr's office and how disappointing the whole m/c is when it previously used to be so easy.

(hugs) Hope tomorrow is brighter for you I haven't learned much in life besides "carry on"...and surprisingly, no matter what happens we kinda come out in the wash in the end. Its that darn spin cycle that gets a little rough.

Hope your appointment at the new place works out for you.

[meeks32]

LOL meeks, goodness no this isn't my first baby. As per my siggy, I have quite the brood already! 3 boys, aged 8, 6, and 3.

But I've been very blessed to have absolutely trouble free pregnancies so far. No complications, no threatened m/c's, no losses. We never conceived easily but once that bean stuck, it stuck. I had BFP's early too, at 8-9dpo, and never did I have so much as a chemical. This is my first known loss, ever. I always knew I was lucky to have had problem free pregnancies so far and healthy kids, but I guess it didn't really hit home how lucky and blessed I've been until now.

Oh and for sure my kids are helping right now. Especially the 3yo - his snuggly kisses and hugs are the only thing that has made me really feel better the past few days.


Harley, that's a really great analogy. I LOVE that - it makes so much sense, and really explains why it feels like DH just doesn't 'get' it sometimes. To him, oh well we try again and moping won't change anything.

I admire you SO MUCH. I don't know how you stay strong after your losses, I really really really hope you get a sticky one very soon. I can't even imagine having hope after going through so much, and I certainly can't blame you for wanting to hide for awhile. At this point I just want another baby, and I've pretty much given up swaying, I really don't care what gender the baby is.

Sorry hon I wrote that a bit fast and didn't think how it would sound. Not trying at all to discredit your reasons to be upset. I'm so sorry if it sounded like that. I usually view the forum from my phone so I can't see signatures.

Harley had a great analogy and kind of said everything I feel and meant to say. I totally have a biological reaction as well as an emotional one, when I see those two lines my world shifts. I immediately make plans and hopes and calculate due dates, and start eating differently etc etc. In some ways our husbands or male doctors can never understand or be completely compassionate because they've never physically been pregnant, or had to go through all this. And getting AF is like your body's own shocking reminder of what you lost or didn't get. Like a slap in the face after all those warm fuzzy feelings and hopes and dreams.

The first chemical I had was shocking to me. I didn't take it well at all. The second I was like 'ok, damn I have to sway again, wonder if there is something wrong' and googled like mad until I saw my luteal phase issue. Third time was later than the others, and I had more hopes. I think I thought the soy extending my LP was the magic solution and when I saw the + pg test I was like 'yep this is a keeper'. I never had issues getting pregnant or keeping a baby before but then I wasn't charting or tracking anything at all, so who knows I could have had chemicals and not known because we conceived on the pill with ds1 (oops) and first ovulation off the pill with ds2 (I went off it, had a period, then conceived a few weeks later).

I completely get what you were saying about the doctors and their damn wheel of conception! I had very long and irregular cycles with ds1, I knew this because despite conceiving him on the pill, I went on the pill to regulate my cycles. Prior to the pill they were 34+ days. So I give them my first day of my last period, and my hcg comes back super low, like 134 and I should have been 7 weeks pg. Anyway they freak out and send me for a scan. No heartbeat. They tell me i've miscarried, then get out the massive dildo scanner (i'm 25, so i'm SHOCKED when the 'pen size' internal ultrasound comes out like some robotic arm with a crank shaft) and after what felt like doing washing machine movements for AGES with a doctor brought in from outside, they finally find the baby and there's a heartbeat and its all fine, they give me a date, which basically means the baby is 4 weeks old not 7. Except at 4 weeks, there's no heartbeat you FREAKS. I argue about my dates, cycle length, the fact I would have conceived the baby AFTER my bloods were done if it were 4 weeks, etc etc. No change. well the whole pregnancy I tracked over in size, didn't I? Wonder why... funnily enough, by around 2-3 weeks. YEP women don't know their bodies at all. Sigh.

Someone made the comment on Midwifery practice and how much better it is. I would say there are people that are good at their jobs, and people that are bad at them, and that rule is regardless of who is a doctor and who is a midwife. I wanted so much to believe that midwifery practice was the solution to bad doctors, or too much intervention in birthing, and with ds1 I chose to go that way rather than through the usual hospital and gp shared care. Unfortunately my midwife was very young and inexperienced, and didn't have kids of her own. My back-up midwife was the same. I had a 48hr labour with him, she came to my house and told me 4hrs in that yes I was in 'active labour', I stayed home as long as I could, but waters broke at 25hrs, went to hospital at 30hrs, hoping for a water birth, had to beg to come to hospital at that stage. The midwife checked me, decided there was marconnium in my waters, strapped a belly belt to me to monitor baby and that was the end of my water birth. Nobody offered me gas, because I wasn't screaming. I internalise, I smile, exactly as someone else said, I could be dying and i'd hold a conversation without my voice breaking, and would smile and say thank you. After a few hrs they decided I needed oxytocin. The second it went in I had one contraction and demanded an epidural. I was done, this is around 34hrs in, and AFTER I vomited from the pain a number of times (still didn't cry or scream or make a sound). Finally after being told I couldn't have one for anothe 7 hrs (WTF??) I got one, and it was faulty. only worked for 2hrs then I felt the pain again. Long story short, I pushed with the midwife for 1.5hrs before I finally saw a doctor, who came in, checked me, said I wasn't 10cm like the midwife thought, I was 9.5, and had swollen too much to keep pushing. The doctor found I had blood in my urine, and a temp. This was 48hrs in. Nobody checked before that. Of course I was rushed to surgery, baby was fine but my dr told me MY body was shutting down. I asked if I could keep pushing (delusional, yes, but by then I couldn't believe that after all that pain, I was ending up in surgery regardless). Long long story short, they didn't believe my epidural wasn't working, topped it up, tested me, I said ouch, topped it up again, ouch, again, now it is numb in the middle but not out the sides, they say yep that's fine, in you go. Start cutting, and "MOTHER FUCKER AWWWWW STOP STOP" I am screaming in pain feeling like lava is being poured into my stomach. The IDIOTS didn't listen and I trusted them. Now they tell me they have started cutting and they can't knock me out. At first they even tried to tell me I didn't feel the pain it was a phantom pain, then the anaesthetist looks at my heart monitor which is going 10 times faster than it should, and starts SCREAMING at the OB to "get that fucking baby out right now, I need to knock her out", before leaning in to me and saying "don't worry, this is an emergency caserian, we can get the baby out in 3 minutes" that's all I heard through my screams, but it took them 25mins to get him out because he was so stuck in the birth canal. That was pain unlike anything i've ever felt or will ever feel again. The second my son was born they knocked me out and I was in surgery for 4hrs (it usually takes 45 mins to close) and lost 2L of blood. My hospital record is completely falsified and says I had a 16hr labour, and an 'uneventful' caesarian. My private OB for ds2 pointed out, after saying it was the 2nd worst labour he'd ever heard, that its obviously falsified, because an uneventful caesarian never includes a general anaesthetic. So they dug their own grave there. I wanted to pursue it, to write a letter, to do something but didn't know how. I had post natal after initially doing really well, and just never got the guts to do it. I feel like its been too long now and wouldn't achieve anything anyway, other than making me feel horrible.

I have had some amazing doctors though, amongst the horrid ones. I had pleurisy a few times when I was 14-15, doctors back then blamed a cold for one time and a cracked rib after a snowboarding accident the next time, then I went to the doctor when DS1 had a cold at 12 months old, and while I was there for ds1 I told him I thought I had pleurisy again. I told him i'd had it before and was in a lot of pain. He didn't even examine me with his stethoscope (which is how you 'hear' pleurisy) and laughed and said if I had it i'd feel like I was dying in pain. I told him yep, that's what i'm saying, its REALLY painful to breathe. He just sent me home laughing.

The good doctor comes in next, because that night I had to get my mum to come over and take me to emergency, while DH stayed with ds1 because the pain was so bad. The emergency doctor examines me (properly this time) asks a bunch of questions about my previous episodes, frowns a lot then finally says "it's just not that common for a 26 year old to have pleurisy, especially not 3 times, i'd like you to have an xray, just to make sure there is no scar tissue irritating your lungs". He puts me on serious pain killers and I have the xray the next day. What he didn't tell me then, which he told me much later, was that the last young person he saw with pleurisy had tumours all over his body. GREAT bedside manner, didn't worry me but was proactive. I got a call 1hr after that scan, and had to go back to the Dr again, who then told me I had a 10cm tumour in my lungs. Long story short the tumour turned out to be wrapped around my heart and invading my left lung. It was benign, but very serious and wrapped around my aorta. I had to have heart surgery to get it out and it burst as they tried to remove it. I almost died, but more notably, my gp was astounded I didn't die earlier. In childbirth (48hr labour), in the shocker caesarian under general anaesthetic when I was flat on my back in the worst possible position for the tumour I had. That one doctor found what 3 had missed. One good doctor is worth their weight in gold. He totally restored my faith in medicine in one fell swoop.

My ob for ds2 was the other savour for medicine. He is seriously the ONLY reason i'm even considering a third. I had a dream caserian with him, after being told it wasn't safe for me to have a natural birth after ds1. I cried. But he made it so ok.

Have to run, dh is bugging me, but that's my good dr story too...

hugs to all of you with bad experiences. xxx

[LacePrincess]

Thank you I feel like we have dumped on you all these stories but I think we all understand a bit how it feels to get the short end at the dr's office and how disappointing the whole m/c is when it previously used to be so easy.

(hugs) Hope tomorrow is brighter for you I haven't learned much in life besides "carry on"...and surprisingly, no matter what happens we kinda come out in the wash in the end. Its that darn spin cycle that gets a little rough.

Hope your appointment at the new place works out for you.

Harley, no please don't apologize! I really appreciate that everyone has been able to share their stories. It's too bad that it's so common but it's been nice to know I'm not alone.

I'll be fine. I just hate how purposeless I feel now. But it'll get better. Unfortunately this loss has really been challenging in terms of managing my OCD, which I was doing well at, but OCD is all about trying to control uncertainty so as you may imagine, lol, a loss like this is all about incredible horrid uncertainty. It's ok, I see my psychiatrist next week, we'll certainly have a lot to talk about!

I dreamt I was pregnant last night. Sigh. It was very very depressing to wake up after that. But maybe it's a positive omen for the near future? I sure hope so!

meeks, wow, you wrote an essay! LOL! Thank you for taking the time. I really want to read and respond to everything you said, so let me get back to your post when I have time to do more than scan through. But gosh don't apologize, you didn't sound like you were trivializing my emotions or anything, no worries.

[LacePrincess]

meeks ....

Wow. Just WOW. I need a stand up and applaud smiley, you are such a survivor, lady. Those are some truly horrific experiences - I am so, so, so very very sorry you had to go through that. Absolute nightmare. It's definitely malpractice, I'm just so relieved you and your baby came through okay. No one ever seems to give a crap until someone's seriously injured due to malpractice or dead, do they?

You're very right about there being good docs and bad docs, and good and bad midwives. I had a very very experienced midwife with my last birth and she was brilliant, which is maybe why I have such a positive light on them atm. But she moved practices and is too far away now which sucks. So I'm not sure what to do as I'm very very particular. With my mental health issues that always seem to flare in pregnancy I'm picky with my practitioners. When you're in birth, you're so so vulnerable, and I need to be able to trust my providers. I've also learned to check and double check and check again. I have awful OCD and I have REALLY AWFUL OCD around anything germy. I can barely stand it to be in a private room. With DS1 we requested and was approved for a private but then they somehow screwed up the paperwork. So I ended up in a ward, which was an absolute horror nightmare for me. I kept having panic attacks over panic attacks, and changing hospital gowns constantly because I was sweating right through them, and the nurses just yelled at me for creating so much laundry. I had a very very bad case of PPD right after that birth, gee I wonder why?

I too am not a screamer. I barely made it to the hospital with DS3 because I didn't realize I was in freaking transition until I threw up, lol. That one was almost a birth-by-the-side-of-the-highway story.

Yk, I'm glad we all got to share these stories. Yes they're horrid but I also think we all need to share and support each other, and know that it's NOT okay to be treated this way. It's so hard being your own advocate when the medical system likes to make you feel like you're so lucky to have any care at all. I make no apologies these days for grilling my care providers and being very clear about what I expect. I'm still not very good at confrontation, but it's important to stand up for yourself.